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A Moment of Encouragement

When we want to quit, instead we can take a break.

What can your break look like?

What can a daily break look like for you, and what is keeping you from getting it?

If you are going through trauma, and most of us are in one way or another, you need a daily break. A funny show. A handful of M&Ms. A walk outside. A nap. Something just for you. Take it; do it. Make sure you haven’t given in to martyr syndrome.

What can a monthly break look like for you? A quarterly one?

You have permission to take breaks and be renewed. Do you believe that?

When we want to stop loving, we can choose to place healthy boundaries.

Who in your life is the hardest to love?

What can you decide in advance to do to no longer respond the same way to their difficulty, their need, their codependency, or their personal problems?

You are allowed to stop feeling bad that you can’t fix them, and that you’re stuck in a cycle with them. You can acknowledge the relationship is not as healthy as you wish it was, and maybe that you don’t know how to get it to a place of health. You can set boundaries and still love. You can see things for how they are and not be “negative”.

What will your boundary be, for your own personal well-being, knowing that no one else’s is your sole responsibility?

When we don’t think we can go on another moment, we have options.

We can rest.

We can stop and breathe and write it out, sing it out, yell it out, whisper it out to God.

We can accept there are no quick fixes and lament as long as we need to.

We can place it in God’s hands and choose to praise Him just for who He is, in a great exchange of our human depth of emotion for His divine download of strength and peace.

In praising Him, we remember Who is in control. We are put in our place and it’s okay to be little. There is joy and simplicity in being little.

When we are small, we realize how appropriate it is to expect less of ourselves…how appropriate it is to take breaks rather than giving up altogether…how appropriate it is to turn course, set new boundaries, think creatively, let go of guilt, stop thinking we are the end all be all for people.

We get to choose our perspective and our responses. There is a beautiful power in that which was given to us by God.

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Exchanges

Life in Christ is all about exchanges.

He exchanges our sin and failures for right standing with God.

He exchanges our focus on this fleshly life for a focus on what really matters, a Matthew 6:33 life, where we are seeking His Kingdom and His righteousness first, allowing the “other stuff” to be taken care of by the Father according to His perfect timing and love.

And He also exchanges our daily sadness, confusion, and weariness for Joy, Clarity, and Strength.

Let’s talk about that for a minute.

There is a time to grieve….a time to question, think, sit…and a time to rest, do nothing, let go.

These are necessities for growth, just like off days when you work out hard: You have to give muscles the chance to stretch back out after tightening, tearing. That’s how they grow.

But then your weakness is exchanged for strength.

Our training as believers, spiritually, is to keep going through pain, fires, trials, conflicts, disappointments, personal struggles, yet each time learning to come with them to Jesus and go through the process of an exchange!

We can experience trauma without becoming victims.

We can experience loss without becoming empty.

We can experience stress and pressure without becoming numb, hopeless, angry, and sick.

This is the power of Christ in us.

This is one of the benefits of seeking first His Kingdom, and living – in our hearts – already in His family, His Kingdom, not necessarily with our eyes on Heaven (like as in the “sweet by and by”) but on JESUS, the Author and Perfecter of our faith who endured the cross and sat down at the right hand of God the Father. He is reigning, He is loving, He is giving daily manna, for those in the Kingdom – even though our earthly lives are set in a disturbing, ever shaken, ever darkening place.

But this is the power of His exchange. This is where we have light in darkness. This is where we have peace in chaos.

We have to choose whether or not we will make the exchange.

Each day, I feel like Jesus says, “You can do this or You can let Me live and love through you. You can continue to just survive this job – relationship – time of healing – or You can fall into my arms and we will do this together. You can keep your eyes on the problem, or you can put your eyes on Me. I can be your obsession, your waking thought – My strength, My wisdom, My Word – or you will be obsessed with your own process and progress…It is your choice.”

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Singleness is hard. Parenting is hard. Not parenting is hard. Work is hard. Not working is hard. Health is hard. Money is hard. People are hard. Not having people is hard!

But through Philippians 4:4-6 and Colossians 3:1-17 and James 1 and 2 Peter 1:3-11, actually the entirety of God’s Word, we see we have an opportunity for a continuous exchange of our thoughts for His, our perspectives for His, our goals for His, our wisdom for His…

And as He once gave His life for us, we give it back to Him.

Yes, we give up a lot in this exchange, relatively speaking…

But I can’t help but say, on the other side of the exchange that I made at one time and that I daily make, there is no true, real, abundant life without forsaking my life to hide myself in Him.

When I give Him my pain, yes, I may also be giving Him my freedom to do what I want with my life – but how was I planning to make it through life lugging that pain around anyway? How far was I going to get?

When I give Him my anger, yes, I may also be giving Him my money and what makes me feel safe and what I expected out of a relationship – but those three things were always an illusion and I’m better off without living my life trying to control them.

One of the methods of exchange – practically speaking – is worship and thanksgiving. When I give God my praise, in the midst of the battle, in the midst of the sorrows or questions, He goes and does something miraculous.

We can cast our cares, our sins, our failures, and everyone else’s, too, that are weighing heavy on our minds and hearts, clogging our avenue to peace and joy. We can lay them down…We can bless His Name…We can cling to His living Word…

We can come, and keep coming, for the joy of the Lord is our strength.

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Overcoming Perfectionism Post No. 492 ;)

I am not sure when I realized it, it certainly wasn’t all at one time – I thought that I was just a careful person, very concerned with my sense of responsibility. I didn’t realize how much fear was involved and how much of my daily thought life was spent on expecting myself to look ahead and work to avoid trouble for me and those I love.

I’ve had a lot of stress lately that is/was clearly making my body act like it had been through some kind of trauma, for example, brain fog and forgetting things (even conversations) and needing incredibly long hours of sleep and just numbness.

This response in my body makes me really frustrated, because as a mom of at least one highly sensitive child, they seem to need me to function at a very high level and get anxious if I am anxious or don’t have things perfectly together.

Do you have someone in your family whose struggles have made you feel like you have to be more perfect or together than you truthfully can be?

It’s important to just acknowledge the effect that has on us.

But the good news is, well, boundaries…but also…there are many learning moments and opportunities for all of us to grow when life shows us just how weak and not-in-control we are.

These can be teaching opportunities, and whether that person in our life is a parent, spouse, or child, it is okay for them to face our humanity and learn to deal with their challenges and struggles with it. It is okay for us to fail them and let God do a work in that. In fact, we probably aren’t doing them any favors by bending over backwards to make sure they never feel their life is out of control…I mean, honestly, it’s all an illusion anyway.

Today when things weren’t going as smoothly as we might have liked in a stressful moment, I shared that I have begun to find a lot of peace in reminding myself that I cannot predict even in the next moment in the future and I likely will come across a hard thing…and when I do, I know and believe and trust that between God, myself, and others God puts in my path, I will have what I need in that moment.

I don’t get to wake up every morning and know exactly what I will need in my backpack; I’m not going to “always be prepared” no matter how hard I try. If you have heard my song Maybe that I wrote almost two decades ago, you know this has been a lifelong issue. The lyrics say, “I want to see the entire pathway, so I can prepare myself for the hard days//I don’t wanna mess up the short life I’ve been given.”

Whew. Hello, perfectionism alert!

But I choose to believe I have made it this far, by God’s grace, and when things happen like getting turned around while driving, being late, needing to call someone for help, disappointing someone, wasting money accidentally, or having to apologize because I let my frustration overcome my filter, my inner critic or rising adrenaline may be present but so will the grace to make it through yet another hard thing.

To me, this is the truth that wins over and crowds out fear, perfectionism, and worry!

His promise that we will have problems is sure;

His promise we will have His presence – not His blame – is equally sure.

…”Maybe I can let the journey take me where it will//Maybe I can learn to love the unknown, deep valleys and steep hills and//Maybe I can trust a little longer this time around//Maybe I won’t lose my ground as easily//Maybe.”

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For the Beauty

“For the beauty of the earth, for the glory of the skies –

for the love which from our birth over and around us lies –

Lord of all, to Thee we raise, this our hymn of grateful praise.”

Every shade of peach, brown, orange, yellow, gold, red that is found on the trees, in the field, in the harvest, at the table…

Every shade of green: lime, kelly, sage, hunter, reminding us of life and energy that we did not create…

Every taste we save for the season: caramel, pumpkin, apple, pecan, cider…

Sunflowers bow their heads and let down their seeds for next year while the withering brown stalks of corn blow in the wind – though it feels like yesterday they were vibrant green and yellow giants.

From the changing leaves to the steady evergreens…

From the birds preparing their flight to the squirrels preparing their stay…

Our seemingly mundane January through December gets a golden hour.

The excitement and worries – the old and new plans – the hopes and the failures – the uncomfortable and the unknown in relationships, finances, children, teens, marriage – just life here on earth –

is heavy –

but the backdrop behind it all –

is beauty.

While life is heavy – yes, right in the middle of it – God paints beauty across the sky, in the sunsets, in the surprising chill of the shade and the last moments of warm sun.

How kind of Him.

And how telling.

What is He telling you?

I think the extreme beauty of this season is a reminder that life will remain heavy no matter what details change, but that He’s still here with us, creating new beauty when the old ends, and He will keep on even when we can’t see it.

I think it’s a reminder to learn how to carry a burden, a long term cross, without waiting to live – without waiting to give thanks, without waiting to mourn, without waiting to hope again, without waiting for more – can we let Him be enough for us?

I think it’s a reminder to find the special and marvel at it.

To stop to watch the leaves fall when a gust of wind blows through the trees.

To pause and enjoy that little shiver, knowing full well how luxurious a blanket feels when we need one.

As autumn is a reflection of His beauty, His comfort, and His plan, may we enjoy Him in every aspect of it!

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What We Need

Why do we as Christians feel like we are complaining when we try to work through something in life that is just not working?

Ugh! I hate it.

It keeps a lot of us stuck.

It actually often makes us forget there are options, that it takes time to heal wounds, and that we don’t have to wait for things to be extremely terrible before we do something about them–which often leads to doing something drastic or regretful.

There is a difference between complaining/ruminating on negative things, and working through them.

I know what it’s like to secretly wonder how long you can keep on going like this and the first step is to acknowledge things aren’t working without guilt.

We can actually look at a problem, laying out the facts and the feelings, and know that God is not laying guilt on us. He may very well convict our hearts, but that would be a good thing, an opportunity to actually move forward. We don’t need to be afraid to face the root of our struggles.

However, maybe it isn’t even the guilt from God we are afraid of: I’d say normally it is our own self-judgment, because we make an internal judgment about just about everything we think, do, say, or experience with others. (Maybe more on that another day – it’s a concept that has been life changing to me!)

We judge very harshly that we are tired, or depressed, or unable to complete something we started. We make judgments that affect our beliefs and our hope, judgments that God would never say about us. In doing this, we make our problems worse because we somehow believe we are bad for having the problem.

I have been in the place where that low key misery, the not really living or believing things could be better stage – and feeling guilty for it – was a way of life.

Whether it was genuine brain fog, depression, or just lack of focus –

Whether it was a season of sickness or simply a time of growing in something that was not my cup of tea –

Either way, it was hard and I had to determine what, if anything, could change. I had to see that the changes were mostly within me – how I was going to respond, what I was going to believe, where I was going to place my focus, and when I was going to make time for processing, praying, and anything else I personally needed.

I had to let go of my overwhelming sense of obligation to everyone.

I had to put a little rest, fun, and chill into my life without feeling guilty about it. (Yes, I’m a One. If you know, you know!)

I had to find out from the Lord what is mine and what is not mine to carry.

So here are my questions:

What do you need? Can you specify your needs out loud or on paper?

Think in lists or brainstorm in bubbles – categories – What do you need physically? What about mentally? What about emotionally? What about spiritually? What about socially?

Have you told the Lord these needs and opened your hands before Him?

Do you believe God wants to meet your needs? Do you believe you matter enough to Him to be heard and thought of?

As we know, God allows massive suffering all the way down to tiny speed bumps in our lives. He has a purpose and a plan in them, to aid in our process of sanctification, to bring us closer to the real reason for life – our True Joy, Jesus – and to give us opportunity to comfort others when they face similar inevitable pain in this world.

But even in the midst of that fact, from the inside to the outside, God cares about us and we matter to Him. We are told to cast our cares on Him; we are told to bring our petitions to Him; we are told to do this without ceasing. He is the God who moves on our behalf but we have a part to play in the process!

We are also told in Scripture to bear one another’s burdens and comfort one another, reminding each other of the Lord’s plan and return! That means it is more than okay to share the load when you are feeling all the hard things.

Small changes can make big differences and that first step might be to believe that God loves you and cares for you, that this season will not last forever, and that He wants to bring you to a place of strength and peace right where you are.

No guilt.

Grace and peace to you, in Christ Jesus!

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Weakness

One thing I have learned as an adult – a truth I actually really love – is that it’s okay to be weak.

Those A’s don’t matter in the long run.

That trophy will end up in your mom’s basement.

How long it took to run that mile isn’t really that interesting to anyone besides us.

How many times we had to take the CPA exam or whatever scary test of brilliance we personally have endured is quickly old news.

For me, it’s the fact that I finished college as Homecoming Queen and Miss Campbellsville University only to move to Africa and be so sick I had to come home.

For me, it’s the fact that I started to get my Masters upon coming home, but never got farther than the acceptance letter because I needed so much sleep and healing.

For me, it’s also realizing right here and now at 44 years old, that I have no real credentials that the world would give me any recognition for at all. If I wanted a full time income right now, my resume would be unimpressive despite the life experience of the past 20-something years…and not only all of this, but if I wanted to work full time, I would probably collapse of exhaustion on week two! That feels pretty weak when so many around me are pulling it off (somehow!)

So here’s the thing.

Okay, two things, that I have to remember and will pass on to anyone else who can resonate with what I’m saying:

  1. We are living for a different Kingdom and a different King than this world and man. Our understanding of strength and success must be different, too.
  2. We often think we are the actors on the stage and that this life, this story, is about us. But it’s not.

As sad as it may sound to some of us overachievers, our role in this story is not hero. It’s damsel in distress. It’s junkie in prison. Or worse.

The world needs to see this.

That we are the saved, not the saviors.

That we are the beloved, not the ones who loved first.

That we are the filled, because without Him, we are an empty shell.

The world needs to see 1 Peter 4:11, that we serve with the strength God provides, so that all glory goes to the Son.

The world needs to see a picture of grace and joy coming to people who have just as many problems and weaknesses as they do. 2 Corinthians 12: 9 reminds us that, truly, God’s power shows up best when we will admit utter dependency on Him, for His power is made perfect in our weakness.

So to all the regrets and failures, the pride and fear, the mistakes and times I was the weakest link, and to all the fault lines I’ll live on in the future as well:

“Thank you for reminding me I am not God and was never meant to be.“

And to the Lord:

“Thank You for joyfully making a way for us to be fully reconciled and fully qualified for the most precious identity and calling we could have–to simply be Your’s.“

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Seasons Change

I am thankful seasons change. We in Kentucky always say that if you don’t like the weather, wait a day, because it’ll change. I love that. I also love that in Kentucky, you get a “true” spring, summer, fall, and winter (even if you do feel all in one day sometimes!)

And I’m thankful the other kind of seasons change, too.

I remember when I lived 25 minutes from “town” and was homeschooling four daughters- the younger two who were learning English, the older two who would have liked to have been involved in more community than we could work out. I remember every half hour of the day being booked in a puzzle of a schedule so that I could meet with my “students” for big group, small group, and individual time. That was a sweet few years, but I am truly grateful the season changed.

Now my oldest two are 8th grade (public school, loving color guard and choir) and 12th grade (still home schooled but doing senior year at ECTC, our community college that offers dual credit classes for 1/3 of the price of college)! I spend a lot of time driving these young ladies out of town for activities (and even campus visits!), and our oldest can drive now, too! Game changer.

My youngest two are in elementary school and they are thriving with the extra reading teachers, the opportunities to run for leadership in clubs, and just enjoying friends and sweet teachers.

The season has changed.

I only work two days a week as a private music lessons instructor, which I LOVE. I am constantly training and encouraging my students of all ages to reach in and pull out their best voice, their best effort, and it is so rewarding to see them apply these tools I have spent my life gathering!

BUT…along with the theme of a new season…I am feeling like I get to go back to my original thought of what I would do with my life.

I got my Bachelor’s degree from Campbellsville University (Go, Tigers!) in 1999. It was in Christian Social Ministries with a minor in Music, specialization in Voice. I loved every minute! (Ok, not the Bio class. That professor was wacko!) I have certainly used everything I learned on a daily basis in relationships, parenting, church planting, and missions; but other than the music part of my degree, I have never had any kind of social work/ministry as my profession even though that was my major.

SO, I don’t know what it’s going to look like or how much time I will even have to dedicate to it, but I am studying, praying, and beginning to serve in a volunteer capacity in the social services realm as well as look into Marriage and Family Therapy school/training. It would be a long long road for as slow as I would need to go, but I would be finished Lord-willing by the time my youngest are in high school, and could increase my work hours (again, Lord-willing) as they all go off to college.

This is a season of –

no longer homeschooling

preparing my oldest for college in all the ways

being present with my kids, their activities, their friends

sleeping in some days, on a weekday!!!!

having some alone time daily

volunteering somewhere completely different than where my kids need me to serve

getting to learn something completely different than what my kids need me to learn

It is not a “relief”, because I loved what I was doing. But oh how the Lord knew how much I needed to get back to some of the things that make me me.

It’s sweet to let the Lord change the season. It’s sweet to know He will do it in His time.

Are you in a season you are afraid He will change too quickly?

Are you in a season you are afraid He won’t change soon enough?

We never know how long something will last, but we do know there will always be sorrow and joy intermixed. We do know there will always be change, as well.

Let us live with open hands.

God really does know what we need and no season is wasted if we walk with Him through it. It may seem the roundabout way but as we all know, life (and God’s plan), isn’t about the destination or He would streamline this process!

We are always telling youth and kids that God knows the plan for their lives. We are probably talking about that next ten years as they make the most important decisions of their lives! But we can trust that truth extends on and on into our 80’s and 90’s and beyond. God will never be done conforming us to the image of His Son, blessing us with His Fatherly care, using every inch of the beautiful creation He made us individually to be, and letting our lives be a reflection of Him to others in a million different places and ways.

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Tune My Heart to Sing Thy Grace

This line is from one of my favorite hymns, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.

I have often tuned my heart along the key of my self rather than His grace.

My self improvement. My self righteousness. My self importance.

Ann Voskamp in her book, Waymaker, uses the phrase “drowning in self-importance.” Jesus rescues her from that…

and me, too.

It starts so innocently. We just want to be our best. Please our parents. Serve God. Make a difference. Not waste our one life.

As we grow in our skills and well meaning attempts, encouragement and accomplishments can bring on “rising star syndrome” (I think I just made that up?) which keeps us looking for applause well after the crowds have left.

We fall hard from the sky when our focus is on how well we can carry on in the duties, responsibilities, privileges, and tasks of the life He has given us. We fall hard when we are sick, tired, frustrated, misunderstood, or forgetful of why we are doing what we are doing in the first place.

But if we allow Him to tune our heart to sing His grace, we switch from a focus on that old covenant of works to the new covenant of grace. From a covenant of performance to a covenant of acceptance. From behavior to belonging. From death to life. From us to Him.

Oh, to bring the focus back to HIM!

HE is perfect. HE is good. HE is wise. HE is faithful. HE is all the things we wish we were.

Yes, He is conforming us to His likeness – He is restoring His glory in us – to be hope and light on this earth –

But still, still…

The joy comes when we understand it isn’t about US.

So –

“Come Thou Fount of every blessing

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace.

Streams of mercy, never ceasing

call for songs of loudest praise.”

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Good and Faithful

This past weekend, I got to go to a Women’s Conference where Sheila Walsh was speaking. I loved how she told her story over the course of three worship and teaching times! Her Scottish accent was beautiful to listen to, as she described her experience with the love of God!

One of the things she said that really resonated with me was: “God is not going to say to us in the end, ‘Well done, my good and successful servant’ but rather, hopefully, He is going to say, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant.” The call to faithfulness over the call to performance, success, numbers, perfect checklists, brings my heart a sense of ease that I needed to be reminded of so often!

As I prayed about this, the Lord gave me three areas to apply this good and faithful lens…

Good and faithful student.

Good and faithful steward.

Good and faithful servant.

We are continuously, humbly, and hungrily learning all the time. We are to train others as Titus 2 explains but also be in training. There’s no retirement age for learning, for listening to others who are wiser and more full of knowledge, and gaining more skills to meet the needs of this world. People are hurting. Do we know ways we can reach in and help or do we keep our distance because we don’t know what to do? We are called to be good and faithful students.

What is the Lord leading you to learn right now? Is it about health, friendships, or the Bible? What or who are you a student of?

More than controlling our bodies, our lives, our futures, our plans, our families, our talents, our children, and our marriages, we are to have a mindset of stewarding them. This is a huge shift for me and I love the freedom it brings to know I was never told to force anything but instead, whatever has been given to me, I am to steward well, by God’s grace, to present to Him. And He is such a kind God. I imagine it’ll be a little like when I used to bring tiny half-dead violets from the backyard to my mom in a little plastic cup…Here’s what I’ve been doing, Lord, I will say with my skinned knees and popsicle stained face.

What have you been given to steward? What is already in your life that requires discipline to take better care of? This isn’t about “having something to show for ourselves” when the Lord returns…All I will have to show for myself is the righteousness of Christ, period! But here’s the question: What in my life have I been trying to control, when I really need to simply steward it well for Someone else?

Lastly, exactly as His Word says, we get to set our compass to being a good and faithful servant. What does a servant do? They serve. They take the word of being filled up seriously, so that they can pour out.

Who are you called to serve? Are you maybe already serving, but need a fresh reminder of why you are giving what you give?

Whether it is suffering or stewardship or learning or giving of ourselves, every one of these things can feel so hard at times! We lose our momentum, it starts to get stale and boring, and we forget that God specifically asked us and called us to join Him in His work of love and grace in the world. But God breathes new hope in our hearts when He breathes new vision in our minds!

Galatians 6:9 says: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest of righteousness if we do not give up.”

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Gifts, Not Problems

Okay, friends. Enter if you dare. I’m about to put my big girl panties on and talk about something with no worries about stepping on toes!

Money is not a problem. Money is a gift.

Food is not a problem. Food is a gift.

Children are not problems. Children are gifts.

Other people are not problems. Human beings are gifts.

Opinions are not problems. Opinions are gifts.

Health, mobility, our bodies, exercise are not problems. They are gifts.

Gifts are to be received with gratitude! Not worry, entitlement, fear/hanging onto them too tightly, or always looking over on someone else’s grass!

We have to stop thinking about what we don’t have (even if that thing is a career or children, really important things!) and consider what we do have.

Sure, change what you can when you can, if your motives are right and God allows, but for Heaven’s sake, we have to learn to steward well this list of things we already have and stop being crybabies! He who is faithful in little will be given the responsibility of more. Take care of your territory and perhaps the Lord will enlarge it, or perhaps He will help you see just how wonderful your little yard is.

Everything and everyone in our lives right now is either because we put it there or God gave it or a mix of the two. We have to take ownership of this, and therefore understand whether it was God or a mistake we have made, He will use that circumstance, or that seeming “lack”, to work out Christlikeness in us. This is His promise and it is a good promise! Whatever the cause of what you have or don’t have, let it go, and move forward in wisdom where you are today.