Today is one of those days I would gladly send Selah Jordan Taylor away on a big yellow school bus. No tears, no sentimental moments thinking about how sad it is for her to be out of the house 8 hours a day. But most days of the week, I don’t feel this way. Most days, I feel like there is nothing else I’d rather be doing and no one else I’d rather invest in than my two daughters, and that very sentence has led me down the path to the rather controversial decision to homeschool.
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Everyone has an opinion, but making a decision that WE can live with is really all that matters in the end. Will I always go back and forth wondering if I’m doing the right thing? Am I correct in believing that Selah will have much different habits, attitudes, and values if I have more time with her than public schoolteachers? Will I be creative and enthusiastic and motivated enough for this to be a good experience? If I am not healed, how can I do this? If I am not healed, how can I NOT do this?
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Selah and I enjoyed this year of home school preschool. She is so advanced she could probably fit right into first grade this coming fall. It has been genuinely quality time that I would not have had with her since Yemi has joined the family. I am positive she will learn a wider and deeper range of information on more important (in my book!) subjects if I home school, and I am positive she will feel close and special to me as well. She will have plenty of interaction with friends through church, sports, AWANA, small group, etc., and we will be less busy as a family because so much can get done during the day time–these are two very important aspects of life to me. SO…may the Lord’s will be done. Pray for me!
Long Time No See
I’ve thoroughly and completely loved and squeezed the life out of spring these past 2 weeks. It has been glorious! You will not catch me complaining of the heat or allergies, because I don’t even care! It’s felt too good to be true. I’m not a “crier”, but it has brought me to tears several times to see the world (and me!) come alive again!
This winter I began comparing the coming spring to Jesus’s return. Not necessarily on purpose, it was just that parallels kept coming to my mind. Some days I looked outside to the cold grey wetness and realized it was taking faith to believe spring would come, just like I see the burdens of the world stretched out ahead of me and behind me, making it hard to believe all this could be washed and new and beautiful ever ever ever again. Sure, spring comes every year, just like we’ve been told since childhood that Jesus was coming back, but you do begin to wonder. Then all of a sudden (just as He will come, as a thief in the night!), we could go out without our coats, and not only without our coats but in shorts! The little feeble plants of last summer had long been deep and covered in the ground; all I saw was death and remains when I looked at those flower beds! And then, just as the dead in Christ shall rise, in rich, colorful coats these frail plants of last season popped out of the dirt and screamed, “YES! It is time!!!” They are beautiful and brand new, and so shall we be. Those who have suffered in the name of Jesus, those who have obeyed to the end, will wear their white robes, and I don’t know the half of it, but the day will come when our hearts truly don’t have a care in the world. The time of toil and waiting and even faith will be over, and we’ll stroll. (When was the last time you strolled?) What was dead, He will make alive. What was sick, He will heal. What was dark, He will lighten. What was long and hard and brutal and sad, He will deliver! Spring came, and so shall He!
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us NEW BIRTH into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never spoil or fade-kept in Heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.” 1 Peter 1:3-5
March Already?
So…time sure flies by when you spend every few weeks in bed sick! Gee whiz.
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I’m excited because I’m going to a new doctor tomorrow; she’s all about wholeness and natural remedies, getting to the root of the issue, and not taking a prescription drug for every little problem (opposite of my past doctors!) I am sure hoping that the Lord uses her to put some puzzle pieces in and share some wisdom on anything I can learn or do to feel better more often.
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I’m supposed to be writing about quiet times lately, and I haven’t done it! I can’t even remember what I wrote last time…But anyway, I think today I’ll just say a few things I do during or as my quiet time that are strengthening, connecting, and perhaps a little different.
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-getting in a hot bubble bath and praying through a Voice of the Martyrs or World Vision magazine (these are so valuable for global intercession; keeps me from saying, “Lord, bless Africa” and nothing specific.)
-prayer walking (walking and praying! pretty easy!)
-turning on ihop.org (prayer room) or a worship CD and singing/praying along
-listen to a podcast or message by Martha Kilpatrick, Shelley Hundley, other teachers from ihop
-prayer nap (I don’t go to sleep, but I just lay down and rest and let the Holy Spirit lead my prayers completely. He always takes me to places I wouldn’t have went if I had been sitting up, more in control of that time.)
-reading and then meditating and/or journaling. Some GREAT books are Adoration by Martha Kilpatrick, 100 Days in the Secret Place compiled by Gene Edwards, Streams in the Desert compiled by Mrs. Charles Spurgeon, and of course, most of all, the Bible! When I read a book, I usually journal through it or write notes along the side so that I make the most of the information personally.
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Just some thoughts…God is definitely longing for us to draw near, or at least realize HE is drawing near! I long to be faithful to come to Him.
quiet???
Quiet times? Is there any such thing as quiet…at this stage of life…in this home? With a coughing husband, a small echoing thin walled squeaky floored house, a baby wanting to get up from a nap, and a daughter who refuses to understand the rule to stay in her room during this hour, this hour which we recognize every single day??? The four o’clock hour. This is my only hour alone. I am a creative introvert, and I require lots of quiet and free space to think…otherwise, I feel a little crazy and if someone asks me a simple question, I go, “Uh…um…huh?” So, this one tiny hour. I need like 5 of them. And God is, in His sweet love for me, asking me to spend it with Him. He always rewards those who seek Him. (I desire to be more faithful!)
I think one of the hardest parts of having this time with God is staying focused during it. Sometimes having a plan isn’t as unspiritual and uncreative as one might think! I learned ACTS a long time ago. It’s a good way to get focused in His presence really; adoring Him –confessing sin–thanking Him (specifically)–supplication (laying before Him your needs and others). A plan for Bible study isn’t a bad idea either, instead of just jumping in a new book every day. Reading through a book of the Bible, going slow and meditating and memorizing and letting it sink in, is wonderful. If there’s something I don’t understand or am not getting anything new from it, I just go on. We are taking in truth; we can’t go wrong! Sometimes I journal everything about this prayer time, actually writing out my adoration, confession, thanks, and supplication, and sometimes I just write down a couple things He showed me during it. Another thing that usually helps is that if my mind wanders to something totally random, I will actually pray about that thing, even if it’s a TV show, I’ll pray for the people in it or whatever. One time I sensed the enemy’s aggravation when I did this, so I keep doing it!! If what comes to your mind is a to-do list, put an actual to-do list next to your quiet time spot and write down what comes to mind so you won’t forget it.
The last thing in regard to mind wandering/weakness of mind and heart during quiet time is that when we spend this time with God, we aren’t always going to walk away with our faces shining like Moses. We shouldn’t feel bad or empty if we took in His word, prayed for who He brought to our mind, and praised Him but didn’t walk away changed and glorious and exuberant. This is faith. And this is a relationship. So, if our mind is a little “off” during our time with Him and there was no real click, I truly believe He will bless us anyway. There have been so many times God didn’t show me during my quiet time what sin was in my life, but then a day later when I’m doing the dishes, He reveals it to me. I may hear nothing when I am listening for it, but then out of the blue when I am least expecting it, He speaks. That helps us to know it is Him many times. He is with us beyond the quiet time, but this hour (or whatever amount) dedicated to Him tells Him something special and opens a door for Him into the other hours of our day.
Reese Bars from the Lunch Ladies Recipe
1 box powdered sugar
2 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1 cup butter
6 oz. package of chocolate chips or chocolate almond bark
1 1/4 cups peanut butter
Combine sugar, butter, and peanut butter.
Add graham cracker crumbs and mix well.
Press out in 9×13 pan. Melt chocolate and spread over top.
Let cool 1 hour, cut in pieces, then cool in refrigerator.
It comes out of the pan much better when cold.
Humbling!!
Ha! So this is a totally humbling experience!
Last week, I blogged about quiet times and I don’t think I’ve had a single one since then! There were a couple times I just made the choice to do something else, because I felt overwhelmed by that thing and had no other time to do it. Sometimes I made the choice to do something else because I wanted to have fun and not think. But most days of this week, I could not even tell you what I was doing! I have no idea whatsoever! I didn’t go anywhere until the weekend, but just being busy at home…wow…it chewed me up and spit me out!
I’m hoping for a good week with the Lord. I’m hoping for the ability to concentrate and breathe and be still with Him, in a good hour with Him every day, with good friends who love Him, and just throughout the day whatever I may be doing for my family. That would be an incredible week!
Quiet Times
I wanted to write a little bit today about my quiet times. I have been encouraged lately by friends who have said they remember me always having my prayer/worship/Bible study time, even if it didn’t seem like I got anything done that day. That utterly blessed my heart, this encouragement, because ever since I truly gave my heart and soul to the Lord in 1991, communing with Him every day (that I am willing and able) has been a major priority. I forget sometimes where I have been with the Lord and it is encouraging to see this “quiet time” thing be a thread running through my life since I was 13 years old ! There have been seasons where I struggled with it, but through middle school, high school, college, missions, marriage, and raising kids, the Lord has been my Rock and Best Friend. Especially in difficult times, or on the mission field, I felt He was calling me to more time alone with Him than usual, and it was very sweet to sit with Him for those hours. It’s a privilege. For me, spending time with Him alone nourishes me and focuses me…then by His grace and strength, I can hopefully be more like Him and stay in an awareness of worship throughout the day. Those quiet times keep me connected to His heartbeat; I want to know what is on the Father’s heart and He lets us in if we’ll just come. For the next few blogs, I’m going to share what I do in my quiet times, and maybe pass along an idea or two that could spur on your walk with the Lord.
stillness
So, in my life for the past few years, there has been a calling toward stillness. I had been a busy bee before Selah came, in ministry, missions, friends, music…And lately, even though I have this relationship with the Lord that is my absolute source of wisdom and my deepest root of truth, I’ve let the confusion and opinion of man seep in. Eventually after dealing with it for a few months now, I’ve been reminded that it doesn’t matter what the common or popular teaching is right now…I am under the Lord’s authority and cannot let my simple calling in life be replaced by these opinions and these things people are saying we should put first. It’s like I keep hearing all about these outward things a Christian is supposed to do, but rarely about the inward things. My word from the Lord is that my inward secret place with Him must be thriving, and if I focus on that, any outward thing He wants for me to do will happen by His power and to His glory. I cannot put my focus on the external outward list of deeds I am doing for Him, the list of ways I am being used; God-forbid that I would ever be so focused on myself again! When I am focused on Him and our connection in the unseen, I can trust He is at work in me and through me, without trying to quantify it. There is freedom in putting first things first, and there is not room for more firsts! There is only One.
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I am a simple person who can really only hold to one simple truth, and this is it!
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“Now God has one eternal purpose concerning us, and that is that we should be like His Son and in order that this may be so, we must be passive. We hear so much about activity, may be we need to know what it is to be quiet.” (Feb. 5th, Streams in the Desert)
The Joy of the Lord
This will be quick today…
I am tired of struggling! Internally, externally, I am ready to give up AGAIN! My anxiousness, or the busyness of my mind I could say, is fixed on just wanting my life to work. I want to be well, I want to be able to do the things God has put in my life to do, I want to sleep and wake up rested, I want to stop feeling disappointed and disappointing. I am past wanting to do more than just take care of my family, home, and personal life…well, most days anyway…I really just want to get up and have a normal life, which to me means fitting in the most important things and a couple fun extras without all this struggle!
Anyway, so “the joy of the Lord is my strength”. I heard somebody mention this and explain it in a new way, and I was thinking about it more…The joy of the Lord (His delight in me, His happiness in me, His NON-disappoint in me) is my strength. When someone important is not frustrated with you, even when you are frustrated with yourself, you gain a little strength. As frustrated as I am with sickness and tiredness and constant struggle to be a decent wife, mom, friend, daughter, granddaughter, minister (we are all ministers!), He isn’t frustrated. He will fulfill His purposes in the midst of this, not when it is over. Now. In the middle. Here I am, Lord, in the middle!
The Picture
Last night, the Lord spoke to me once again through Selah.
I had been rocking Yemi before bed, and I got a little emotional, thinking about some things in regard to Selah when she was a baby. I was thinking about the things I didn’t get right, and the struggles I still have, the wisdom I still search for. I was feeling really insecure for a few moments about how I had spent these almost 5 years of motherhood…You moms may understand (?)…
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Anyway, after a little while, I was putting Selah to bed, and she said, “Mom, every night before I fall asleep, I look at that picture.” (It’s a picture of me holding Selah when she was 6 weeks old.) Then she said, “It makes me wonder when I’ll go to heaven, and that maybe it’ll be today!” I thought that was a little strange, and said, “Why would that picture make you think about that?” She said, “Because when I look at it, I see God holding me and loving me when I was a baby, and I see God holding you and loving YOU when I was a baby, too. It makes me so happy, I just want to stand on my bed, and raise my hands as high as I can, and praise the Lord!”
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Thank you, Lord, how could I ask for more? What else matters but that You are holding us and loving us? Fears and doubts can settle down, goals and plans can take their lower priority: Just as Selah was at rest in my arms in that picture, I am at rest in His arms. It’s nice to remember that I am Someone’s little child! I keep trying to be more than that.
