It is always hard to say goodbye to an era, to a season you were highly invested in. There’s a loss and it deserves time, and I believe time is healing. But time itself is not enough…
How do we move on, really, in wholeness and peace and new motivation?
For me, the loss is relatively quite small. It’s the end of my homeschooling era. It’s the end of my “family years” with Selah. It’s entering mid-life, leaving behind the skin and body (and sometimes brain) of a younger me.
Others have more grievous losses, like the death of a child, a major job transition, or a health scare or long term disability.
We know in our heightened focus on mental and emotional health that we can’t shove all this down. We can’t just keep busy until we forget. We can’t self-medicate with idols like overeating and numbing out.
We have to make room for it.
Some ideas for that are to write in a lament journal, just taking time to write when the sadness or confusion hits; prayers written to God who does grieve with us. Sometimes we need to take time off to caress our senses with beauty outdoors, friendships, and things we enjoy- as opposed to bingeing Netflix and ice cream. Sometimes we need to talk with someone regularly who will ask questions to make our minds wake up and sweep out the places we don’t want to go inside, finding fears and core beliefs that drive our thoughts, then feelings, then words and actions.
Healing, letting go, and moving on is an actual journey…a process…and like any good journey or process, there is an end. We are created to be resilient and heal! Skin, neural pathways, feelings- they don’t stay the same. When damaged, they can be renewed. Our hearts, our hurts, our disappointments, our memories can also be renewed and restored through the power and healing of Jesus. He can do it anyway He chooses- in an instant, or through a long journey. But just like Joseph, we can know that the timing has purpose. It is making us, molding us, and we can willingly go with that current or never see that God is there driving a current at all.
So the key is surrender. The key is surrender to an awareness of a bigger picture, of a great big God, of others in need, and of the short time we have here to run in the path He has for us. The key is surrendering not only to God’s work in our story, but surrendering to being a part of His story.
When we left Selah at college, knowing I was entrusting her to God like never before, there was this moment in worship where the lyrics were:
“Oh Christ be magnified~on the altar of my life~oh Christ be magnified in me.”
And I realized, my life being laid down—my surrender—day by day as a parent, and in the other ways I try to trust and obey Him, is for no other reason than to be a willing part of His story.
So, now it’s time to say hello not to the next chapter in my life or my family’s life, but to the page of the seemingly unseen story my life is a part of. Do I have choices, do I have feelings? Yes and yes! But I choose to get excited about His story over mine. The memory of Lyndsay Taylor on the earth will at some point be long gone; but what Jesus did through my simple, transparent, messy life surrendered to Him will actually remain!
I’m going to close with this thought. When we pray for God’s will to be done in our lives, what is our motivation? Is it to see a life that at the end we can say we “did right”; are we praying this in hopes of it all going fairly well?
Or do we pray “Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven” to surrender to our smallness, praying that the reality of our lives – whatever He allows – will make a clear way for others to see Him?
God ~ You areJehovah Rapha, Healer ~ You are Jehovah Jireh, Provider ~ please bring joy into our processes and pain, as we surrender them to Your purposes, for Your glory and Kingdom plans in the world!
Amen.
