I am not sure when I realized it, it certainly wasn’t all at one time – I thought that I was just a careful person, very concerned with my sense of responsibility. I didn’t realize how much fear was involved and how much of my daily thought life was spent on expecting myself to look ahead and work to avoid trouble for me and those I love.
I’ve had a lot of stress lately that is/was clearly making my body act like it had been through some kind of trauma, for example, brain fog and forgetting things (even conversations) and needing incredibly long hours of sleep and just numbness.
This response in my body makes me really frustrated, because as a mom of at least one highly sensitive child, they seem to need me to function at a very high level and get anxious if I am anxious or don’t have things perfectly together.
Do you have someone in your family whose struggles have made you feel like you have to be more perfect or together than you truthfully can be?
It’s important to just acknowledge the effect that has on us.
But the good news is, well, boundaries…but also…there are many learning moments and opportunities for all of us to grow when life shows us just how weak and not-in-control we are.
These can be teaching opportunities, and whether that person in our life is a parent, spouse, or child, it is okay for them to face our humanity and learn to deal with their challenges and struggles with it. It is okay for us to fail them and let God do a work in that. In fact, we probably aren’t doing them any favors by bending over backwards to make sure they never feel their life is out of control…I mean, honestly, it’s all an illusion anyway.
Today when things weren’t going as smoothly as we might have liked in a stressful moment, I shared that I have begun to find a lot of peace in reminding myself that I cannot predict even in the next moment in the future and I likely will come across a hard thing…and when I do, I know and believe and trust that between God, myself, and others God puts in my path, I will have what I need in that moment.
I don’t get to wake up every morning and know exactly what I will need in my backpack; I’m not going to “always be prepared” no matter how hard I try. If you have heard my song Maybe that I wrote almost two decades ago, you know this has been a lifelong issue. The lyrics say, “I want to see the entire pathway, so I can prepare myself for the hard days//I don’t wanna mess up the short life I’ve been given.”
Whew. Hello, perfectionism alert!
But I choose to believe I have made it this far, by God’s grace, and when things happen like getting turned around while driving, being late, needing to call someone for help, disappointing someone, wasting money accidentally, or having to apologize because I let my frustration overcome my filter, my inner critic or rising adrenaline may be present but so will the grace to make it through yet another hard thing.
To me, this is the truth that wins over and crowds out fear, perfectionism, and worry!
His promise that we will have problems is sure;
His promise we will have His presence – not His blame – is equally sure.
…”Maybe I can let the journey take me where it will//Maybe I can learn to love the unknown, deep valleys and steep hills and//Maybe I can trust a little longer this time around//Maybe I won’t lose my ground as easily//Maybe.”
