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In Sorrow

Last night, I was supposed to pick some songs to lead at our Bible study at church. I chose Raise a Hallelujah and Goodness of God because they felt right in light of the chapter we were reading in our book, Rekindled Flame, that week. As our evening of talking and praying went on, someone spoke about the shooting in Nashville, and it led to such a somber time of acknowledging our sorrow, confusion, and even doubts and fears. And that was the exact moment the Bible study leader asked me to go into our worship through singing time…

I was thinking to myself:

Seriously?

How do I do that?

I don’t feel like worshipping right now!

I feel like sitting at His feet, yes. I feel like asking lots of questions in His presence, yes. But worship? Praise? Raise a hallelujah?

So I prayed. I reminded my heart and those in the room of truth. We decided to bring a sacrifice of praise. We decided to focus on His sovereignty, His place on His throne, and ultimately, we decided to have faith…the messy, real faith that acknowledges our feelings but also acknowledges our decision to trust the Lord.

I was rightly convicted when the Bible study leader asked us if we could share a time that we praised God and worshiped Him through thanksgiving in the middle of pain and suffering. I felt like I really didn’t have a time to say, because in the worst of times, I will fall to my knees and pray – I will speak truth, I will trust – and I know this is worship, too – but do I praise Him then and there? No, not really. It feels inauthentic. But I see there is a difference between celebratory praise (which may truly feel inauthentic in grief and I think we need to hold space for that) and worshipful adoration of Him through reading Psalms, praying our thanks, and even singing.

We are in such a sad time of history. But I don’t know that any other era was better. It’s just incredibly hard and sad. So what do we do? There are many ways to express it, but for me, here are 3 things I want to be faithful to do.

I want to run to the Father. I want to take my real thoughts and feelings to Him, rather than turn from Him, letting my mind get stuck on the “whys”. Our hearts are breaking. We either take those broken pieces to Him, or we take them somewhere else. The people who will take their fears, doubts, pain, and anger to Him will find healing, joy, and comfort. We are promised trouble, even though God is good. We are promised suffering, even though God is sovereign. And we are also promised peace, His presence, and that He will make all things work together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose (John 14 & Romans 8).

I want to submit to His sovereignty. Part of the beauty of genuine worship is that in His presence, often with the help of scripture and songs, we are once again reminded of the truth of His wisdom and power. Does it take away the pain and questions? No. It doesn’t always do that. But when I submit to His sovereignty, His authority, His choices, His ways, I am enacting my faith and my identity as a child of God. I am not saying I’m okay. I’m not saying I understand or like what is happening. I’m not saying I’m over it. But in submitting to His sovereignty, I am humbling myself and taking my rightful place, which does change my perspective on the big picture.

I want to activate my spiritual gifts for the good of the Body. We all want to do something in times like these. So, we should. Pray. Ask the Lord how to pray, who to pray for, where to pray. Encourage. Ask the Lord how, who, where, when. Teach. Ask the Lord how, who, where, when. Give. Ask the Lord how, who, where, when. Serve. Prophesy. Show mercy. In my class on Tuesday, which is a Women’s Ministry training time, our leader used her teaching gift to lead us in a precious time of learning and surrender regarding the Nashville shooting. She shared how even in this horrific story, God shows His “metanarrative” of creation, the fall of man, redemption, and restoration. We are easily focused on the “fall of man” part, an easy piece to grab onto with our focus and fears. But we know His heart is for redemption and restoration, too. Maybe it will be redemption on earth – Jesus trading sorrows for joy, Jesus touching people’s lives with the seriousness of life and death and bringing them to salvation. Maybe the restoration will happen in Heaven, or here on earth as He displays His love and might through healing these broken hearts, I don’t know. But I know He will do it. How can you and I be a part of this redemption and restoration?

Lord Jesus, may Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Turn us to You. Mend our hearts. Send us out. Amen.

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Husbands & Wives

I love to plan and set rhythms.

I love to know how I will start and end my day.

I love to start new Bible Study workbooks.

I love to be alone and I also love to gather others in just about anything I get into doing, be it exercise or selling handmade items for women in third world countries.

I love to save money, give money, and use money for traveling.

I love a good health goal and I don’t mind committing to hard things.

But sometimes, I’m not sure if you can relate or not, wink-wink, my spouse doesn’t get as excited about certain things as I do. (What?? I know!!) And the reality is, I don’t get as excited as HIM about certain things either, so we are probably pretty even.

That can feel like a bummer…even worse, it can really make a person feel like they aren’t on the same team with their spouse. They can feel resentful or like there is no hope of things ever changing.

Sometimes it is the actual disagreement of values that make you feel not-so-synced, but sometimes it isn’t that at all. Sometimes it is more the lack of communication or the lack of knowing how to communicate or…maybe…a wrong heart attitude.

So, the Lord and I were talking about this yesterday.

Very clearly, I felt like God was shifting my heart to see something new: I, wife of 21 years, Christian of 31 years, have some entitlement issues.

How many times have I started caring deeply about something and then inadvertently made someone else, most usually my husband, feel “less” for not jumping on board? Just because I want to save for a trip to such and such, or I want to do this eating plan together, God may or may not want to give me that or have me do that…and do I blame God? Not usually. Usually, I blame my husband and maybe…maybe…he blames me in times the roles are reversed. It is in a vague way, probably a super vague way, maybe even unknown to us, but still…

So God gave me some checklist questions to help my heart…and maybe other husbands and wives out there, too.

  1. Have I prayed about this hope/dream/plan/idea before bringing it to them?
  2. Have I determined whether this is a want or a need? Once I have done that, am I willing to present this humbly and honestly as such, rather than acting like those wants are truly needs?
  3. Am I able to share, but not expect? Is the outcome surrendered to God, knowing HE is the giver of all good things?
  4. Am I aware of who has to actually DO the WORK of making this idea happen? Am I keeping that in mind as I bring it up? Is it a fair request when you imagine being in their shoes?
  5. Am I willing to listen to questions, feedback, and alternatives, keeping a good attitude?

My Bible reading today (besides my morning listening to my favorite Read The Bible In One Year podcast, at mjblack.com) was Colossians 3.

As I read Colossians 3, I was amazed at how it spoke into this conversation I had with God about my spirit of entitlement…

I hope you’ll grab a Bible and read it for yourself, but here were some highlights that struck me about the heart attitude I need when I look at my future shared with another person:

-Desire what is above, not what is on earth

-Embrace your new nature

-Be thankful

-Wives, submit to your husband

-Husbands, love your wives

-Fear God

-Whatever you do, do it for the Lord

Whether it is a super serious, even a life or death thing, that you are asking your spouse to move toward with you, or just a small thing like keeping a calendar synced a certain way or budgeting–our heart attitudes, commitment to prayer, and applying Scripture to our problems and desires matters.

Since we are called to peace, and since we are to set our minds on what is excellent, even in hard times, even when genuine needs are unmet, even when one of us on the team is not “pulling our weight” in some way, even then: We can focus on something we are doing well together, something he or she is giving effort and attention to, something for which we can show gratitude and respect.

I’m excited to see how the truth can set me free in this area…What about you? What is hard for you about this? Where are you in this process?

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#HowToBuild: The Living Word

“…We are God’s fellow workers; you are God’s field, God’s building. By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss…Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple?” 1 Corinthians 3:9-16

We are in the building process, every day, through the circumstances God allows into our lives, but also through the choices we make to add layer upon layer onto our faith!

One choice that we must make in order to build (and build upon) a firm foundation is to be daily and regularly in the Word of God.

Communication between us and God is set in motion when we are in His Word. There is always something new and always something more, if reading is accompanied by openness to the Holy Spirit. If we ask Him directly for His input, He will open new truth that speaks to the current status of our heart and life! I have that much confidence in the Holy Spirit/Word of God duo!!! If the Word feels dull, confusing, irrelevant, infuriating, boring, or even wrong, we can tell Him how we feel. The Word is alive, interactive, and meant to bring conversation with Him.

Being in the Word of God is one of the main ways we can hear God’s voice, because His Word IS His voice! When we have begun to recognize His voice in Scripture, we begin to hear Him speak outside of it, too. A thought while we’re driving the car, an answer to a particular prayer or question. Reading His Word is one of the main ways we can learn to differentiate between which thoughts (and even words from others that are directed toward us) are from God and which need to be dismissed and forgotten. It gives us an innate discernment, what is called the “mind of Christ”, because our hearts are melding into His as we read more and more about what He loves and hates. It grows in us a change of opinion when our opinions were wrong. It grows in us a softness where there needs to be mercy and a fierce determination where there is meant to be justice. His Word is living and active. It goes in and it changes things. It is the nutrient our souls were meant to ingest daily! I can’t help but think of the yogurt with the “1 billion acidophilus cultures” in it. The package declares this incredibly wonderful but creepy message: Active bacteria, live cultures! Gee, thanks!! (But really…thanks!) That healthy bacteria that we’re ingesting, as weird as it sounds, is making our digestive system a much happier place. The good bacteria needs to be there to overpower and kill off the bad bacteria that would make us sick. Think of God’s Word, all of it, any of it, as a living and active ingredient that goes in where He knows it needs to go, to whatever parts of our heart need to be cleansed, overpowered with truth and goodness, and made healthy again. And just a side note, most of us don’t get these live cultures in the food we normally eat. Very few restaurants are handing out rejuvenating, life giving food; we have to go out of our way to find it and consume it…hint hint!

Love and respect for the Word of God grows the more we become acquainted with it. Psalm 119 is an intense chapter of appreciation and longing for Scripture. The wisdom and the joy of the writer! He had found something worth going on and on about…!

In different seasons of life, we have to get creative and make being in the Word happen. Here are some ideas and resources for that, just to name a few:

*Listen to podcasts, such as Passion City Church , Martha Kilpatrick , Bethel Church , and Beth Moore. Even if they are just playing in a sometimes-empty room, grab what you can as the Word of God streams through the air of your house!

*Watch preaching and teaching videos. Some of my favorites are: Anyone from International House of Prayer, Kansas City , especially Misty Edwards. We don’t have to agree with every point teachers make on videos we watch, but our hearts will feel if someone is just not lining up with God’s Word. Obviously, not everyone out there with videos online is preaching truth. The more we are in His Word for ourselves, the more we will be able to discern.

*Get involved in group or personal book studies, that dig into one particular topic or book of the Bible. Here’s a good resource: Women of Faith. I have personally always gotten a lot out of Beth Moore studies, but those were my pre-children season type of studies!  I highly recommend them though. I also read books and resources by Martha Kilpatrick regularly. You can find her info on the link above under podcasts.

*Read blogs! The transparency of blogs from people truly seeking God are invaluable! Here are some great ones I read: Ray Hollenbach and Ann Voskamp There are so many I could share, but those are the ones I usually click on when they go through my Twitter feed…

*Hide His Word in your heart. Memorize verses with your family. Write a verse a week on a poster and tape it to the wall next to the dinner table! I never realized the work, honestly, that the Word of God that I had memorized in the past was doing for me all these years. So many times that I had hope or bravery or the words to say, that was a direct result of hiding God’s Word in my heart throughout my life. Some of those verses were learned just so I could earn a piece of candy! Haha!

*Pray His Word…back to Him.

*Sing His Word…out loud!

*Just open it up and read. Daily, if we feel overwhelmed, we can read a Psalm and a chapter from a book of the New Testament for starters, and then see where He leads. There’s no right or wrong way to be in the Word. Sometimes God will keep me on one passage or sentence for weeks. We can’t be all about quantity with this. There are no stickers on any charts here!

I want to share this new song with you that I’ve been writing the past couple of weeks, “Your Voice”.  He is speaking…because He loves to. His Voice, His Word, these are some of the sweetest gifts He could have given us…and they are our’s in abundance.