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How To Deal Now

It’s easy to write about God’s faithfulness after the battle is won, isn’t it? But what about when you’re in the middle of it? What about when all you can see is how you feel and how you’re messing up and what you wish you could handle better? What about when you don’t see what God could possibly be doing? What about when you’re torn between caring about your own mess and a much bigger mess worldwide?

The wars in Ethiopia, Ukraine, and Israel do the same thing to our psyche as the pandemic: they make us see what was always true, that nothing is sure and our control is an illusion and our normal daily life is a GIFT. All of that, the tension of these sentences, is a trap laden with guilt, fear, and a sense of responsibility. We struggle to have room for pain, loss, and processing in our lives but we are desperate for that space. We struggle to make room for prayer, too; we have never been more desperate and in need of being with the One who holds it all in His hands, Who grieves, Who sees the big picture, Who also speaks and leads, comforts and dwells with the lowest!

Would you agree that we as a culture, at least here in North America, do not know how to cope with disturbance and distress?

We are frustrated, saddened, and inconvenienced by our own struggles and others’ as well. The need either wakes us up or makes us want to hide in bed. We sometimes grab onto coping mechanisms or notice more erratic thoughts and behaviors because a sense of “I don’t know what even matters anymore” takes over. (And our teens and the next gen are feeling this even more than we are.)

But thank God, after painting that picture of my real internal struggle, I do actually have something positive to say here, brothers and sisters! I want to share some practices that are helping me live where I am in the moment, in gratitude and connection to God, but also allowing deep caring of which we all want to be capable.

1- We must acknowledge and accept that tragedies, and our inability to do a lot about them, are having an effect on our body and mind. We need to notice when thoughts like “you shouldn’t feel this way” or “your stuff isn’t even that bad” run through our minds. We have to accept weakness, accept that we don’t love how we feel, accept that struggles are affecting us, and also accept that we cannot fully fix what is broken about ourselves or others’ situations. It’s ok. We accept our place. We calm; we choose to be still and know that HE is God.

2- We bring our real self to Jesus. Why do we think we need to be strong all the time? Why?-when the very gospel is grace! Apply that grace to every shortcoming and everything about yourself that you wish was more or better or enough. Apply that grace to every soul around the world today, knowing that when they call on God in whatever language, whatever tongue, they will feel His presence! Hallelujah! Grace upon grace! It is ours and theirs in Christ Jesus. He delights in our receiving it way more than He would delight in our striving to not need grace! He is the Strong one; we are allowed to be shaky, unsettled, needy. Matt. 11:28-Come to Me, all you who are weary and I will give you rest. We can bring our sadness to Jesus as well as our weakness; we can bring our anger, our fears, and our numbness, too. He can truly and completely handle it. He loves His children, He loves us all.

3- We need to get the heck off of social media, constant news, talking heads, and video reports, as well as just brain-numbing scrolling through things that don’t matter. There are news sources to grab basic info: we can use them for that purpose and then stay off our phones or use our phones to connect to people we know and love! Take a break from the normal places you scroll or at least minimize it to one or two 30-min blocks a day and spend time with people in your home, church, neighborhood, and community.

4- I am going to get out my smallest Bible and carry it around instead of my phone. I’m not kidding. From what I hear and internally feel, if there was ever a time to do this, it is now. Our rock solid Hope is in Jesus and His Words, but if we aren’t dwelling on them, it’s a gold mine buried underground! We need to be changing the reel in our mind with His truth. His Word is the antidote to fear, guilt, and chaos. He tells us what matters and why. His Word narrows things down and simplifies what we are to be focused on and fighting for.

5- We really must pray, not just talk about or think about praying. Really do cast your cares and others’ cares on the Lord, really do raise your voices, knowing He hears. Really do intercede on behalf of brothers and sisters around the world. Really do read prayer emails from boots on the ground ministries (like Global Catalytic, City Serve, Embracing Hope Ethiopia, and so many more). Really do spend time talking to Father God, knowing Brother Jesus intercedes on our behalf and Holy Spirit leads, guides, comforts, and sends.

6- This one will sound a little shocking (if you know me well) but I’m going to say it: Enjoy your life. We have got to enjoy our lives! We do not need to buy more or do more, we need to enjoy what we have and be thankful and content. But what resources and assets do you have right now that you don’t even enjoy? People, games, art supplies, time, skills; don’t feel guilty to LIVE. God has you where you are. Right now, whatever we have, whoever we are with, let’s enjoy them. Let’s thank God for them. Let’s be generous and grateful. Let’s show the greatest respect for mankind that we can, and that is to celebrate freedom and the dignity of human life, living an example of contentment and gratitude and painting a picture of how it should be in a safe and loving world.

7- Let’s make sure to ask God how He wants us to give. Not if, but how, when, where, and to whom. “It’s Your’s, God, where shall I send it? I’m Your’s, God, where shall You send me? Make me a vessel of Your love and light, Lord. I lay all that I am before You, for such a time as this. I am not much but what I am is Your’s. Live through me.”

8- Praise the Lord, let His praise be on our lips regardless of our feelings or a dark cloud we may feel we are under. It’s ok and normal to feel like we are carrying a grief, shaken by things we don’t understand or aren’t even experiencing ourselves!! It is normal to feel off, tired, sad, out of it…and while we accept that, bring that to the Lord, stay in the Word (rather than constant barrage of the world), pray, and give, we also choose to lift Him high. When we praise Him, we are changed and I believe when we praise Him, things change!!! Pound the enemy with the praise of King Jesus who WILL COME AGAIN, who does see and hear and act, and who is present on the scene.

This is my hope for every human heart. That the same God who comforts and conforms me is available to ALL who will call on Him in their darkest night.

It’s okay to admit the night is dark and that we are affected greatly by it. It’s okay to not feel or be awesome in the shaking. Why? Because it was never our faithfulness or work or ability on display-it was God’s.

God is faithful. GOD is faithful! And He always will be.


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I Get to Serve the Lord!

I am so thankful! I am so thankful that God hears our prayers and wants to walk this life with us. I’m so thankful His Word is true and His heart is love.

Last Thursday, I finished my courses in order to be a Certified Mental Health Coach with the American Association of Christian Counseling. It was a wonderful program and I am continuing, working to add on a specialization in Biblical Counseling now. So far, every hour has been incredible, both for my growth and edification and for being equipped to help others.

Later that day, my daughter and I were scheduled to visit Asbury University, so we went and ended up spending a lot of time in worship and prayer as REVIVAL had broken out on campus! While there, I was wrestling with the Lord about several things regarding this “new calling” of counseling ministry. Here are some of the particular wrestles:

-I am just a coach, not a licensed professional counselor. Will anyone take me seriously? Is this just embarrassing? Is this humbling on purpose? (If so, I’m glad!)

-When I pass around a business card or meet with someone for coaching and prayer, am I trying to make myself sound “all that”? Am I prideful? Or am I actually just being obedient and faithful?

-Is it wrong for me to be SO EXCITED about using my gifts in this way? Is that annoying? Is that going to feed any part of me that is self-centered?

-What will this look like? I know the Lord told me to prepare new wineskins for Him to fill and I feel like He is telling me what those are, but how much time and availability do I actually really have? I don’t want to sign up for more than I can do while remained super-centered in abiding in Christ, my own health, and my home/family.

I could go on, but you get the gist of the anxiety.

As I wrestled with God and all my questions, the speaker at the front of the room said if you would like prayer for being salt and light in the ministry God has set before you back home (as many of us had traveled to be there), come up. So I did.

All my circular, messy thinking converged in that moment of just walking up for simple prayer.

It was a simple prayer. But I agreed and believed along with every word, and sometime in that day or the next, a joy bubbled up inside of me that said: “You get to serve the LORD!!!!”

I felt the Spirit saying: Stop apologizing. Stop talking about it. Stop making less of it or light of it. Stop making more of it, too. Every believer is called and commissioned to do this! Millions of us are to be filled with the Word, the Spirit, His body and blood, and with our spiritual gifts, edify the body and bless the world!

No, it isn’t about us. But knowing our gifts, knowing ourselves, knowing our God, knowing where and to whom He is sending us, is not self-centered or bragging. “It is not by might not power, but by My Spirit”, says the Lord. This has been covered. This is old ground.

Here are the precursors to serving. Do this and then GO in Jesus’ Name!

-Abide in Christ and His Word.

-Trust in the Holy Spirit and lean not on your own understanding, reputation, or self-image.

-Be still and know that He is God.

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Welcome to 2023

It seems like people are saying that New Year’s Resolutions and finding “a word for the year” are OUT.

But y’all! New Year’s is my favorite holiday for this very reason! (And that it’s my anniversary – love you, honey!)

I LOVE getting re-focused and defining my hopes and plans for the year. Am I going to do all the things I plan on every single day? Nope! Am I going to mess up along the way? Yes! But as I look forward to 2023, I know in my heart that God wants my face resolutely pointed in a certain direction. Ultimately, that direction is towards Him!

My resolutions this year are almost entirely about this one particular feature of mine that gets me in a lot of trouble…maybe you can relate:

My mouth.

Ugh.

So, number one-

By God’s grace, I will try to be mindful in my words and responses, especially in the area of not complaining or arguing. I’m going to apologize if I realize I was arguing or complaining. I want to really think before I respond, correct, or say anything at all. This is mostly in regard to my husband and kids, but also in regard to my not-thinking-through-my-quick-yeses-on-text. I will grow with the Holy Spirit’s help to be quicker to listen, slower to speak, and slower to anger.

Number two-

You guessed it. Again, by God’s grace, I want to eat in a way that is grateful, peaceful, and glorifying to God. I want to keep food in its rightful place, and enjoy it but steward my body well. In particular, I want to change my habits regarding sweets. I’m starting out the year with a sugar fast in preparation (physically and spiritually) for my trip to Ethiopia, and after that, I will likely have a moderate amount on the weekends unless I can just continue on with the fast (which would be ideal). When I say by God’s grace, I mean it. Sweets are the comfort of choice for me, and I know I take it too far sometimes.

So, since nothing changes unless you make a change, what do you resolve to focus a little more on this year?

Are you at a crossroads? I honestly think we all are. There are decisions to make: To either sense God is having you stay put and stay on task with joy, or to sense that He is refining you by some new means! Both require His power, His guidance, His presence, and OUR listening, obedient hearts.

What do you most need? What is your greatest frustration?

These things can change or at least your part in them, or your perspective of them, can.

Lord,

We end the holiday season today and we’ve been reminded that Your light has come, but we still live in this dark world with lots of worries and even our homes, bodies, minds, and churches don’t always feel like safe places. Jesus, abide with us! Draw us and our loved ones so near to You, like never before, because if You do not draw us, we will not come. All of our hope is in You and Your strong love that chases us all the days of our lives. Help us to seek You and TRUST Your Word, Your actions, Your plan.

Amen.

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Happy New Year!

“A man can plan his steps

but the Lord will lead him right or left

Sometimes it seems so clear

but sometimes it seems like years since we heard Him speak

and that’s when faith runs deep.”

I wish you a wonderful new year, dear readers.

I wish you time in God’s Word, precious moments of worship and prayer, and a daily filling of His presence and peace.

I wish you priorities, vision, and strength that will bless and enrich your life like never before.

I wish you “new wine skins” for a “new wine”; new spaces that become clear and clean for God to fill as you wait on Him, and new spaces that become lush and vibrant through remaining in Him.

I wish you hope and also acceptance and surrender if things go completely upside down this year.

I wish you the ability to receive grace, because it is the most real gift- whether we actually accept it or not. I say it is real because so much of our judgment, criticism, efforts at self-improvement, and perceptions of how others or God view us are just making those wheels spin but getting nowhere and it’s not real. These attempts at being better are not the way, and they are surely not the truth and the life. Jesus is the Way. He is the Truth. He is the Life. We can get off the treadmill, and actually take His yoke upon us and move forward with Him, doing some real work, covering some real ground, instead. Amen, dear ones?

I wish us to go at His pace.

I wish us trust, obedience, and peace.

In Jesus’ name.

“And like a stream that may freeze

in the spring it comes back with the leaves

begins to flow and bring life

a stream will not remain still for too long

before it must go on.”

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When Parenting is a Fog

I still have days when parenting is a fog, even though my kids are older and don’t need me as much.

In fact, it happened a couple weeks ago on vacation when I had to remember that TBRI takes no holidays!!! But I will say, as kids get older, it gets a little easier in at least a couple ways.

One of those ways is they are not with us every minute, so we have time to gather our thoughts, pray, and prepare for whatever problems that particular season is bringing. We also have more time for self care, which helps so much.

But either way, whether we have little kids all around us or we have teens who bring bigger issues, just less frequently, here are two foundations that we can come back to when we just can’t see straight anymore.

We have to depend on miracles from God. We have dedicated our kids to the Lord at some point and when we did that, didn’t we feel a sense of humility, like “there is no way I can raise this child perfectly, and I am so glad I have the Lord’s power to do what I can’t?” We must continue in this! As Paul says in Galatians 3:3, “Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” This means to me that I need to back off from the self-imposed pressure of thinking that “I” have to be perfect and know everything to do in order to raise children’s God’s way. We must pray and believe that He is willing to give us, and them, what is needed. We can model dependence on God, gratitude, and intercessory prayer by stopping and praying with our kids anytime we are in the fog.

Second, we can identify one major issue the child is struggling with and make a plan. Try to make sure both parents understand and are willing to try their best to follow through on the steps. As unemotionally as possible, and when everyone is in a decent mood, we need to have discussions with our kids on how to handle big feelings such as the powerless feeling that comes from being told “no” or the jealousy that comes from an older sibling staying up later. It’s important for both the parents and the children to know that big feelings are okay and allowed; the issue is how we handle and share those feelings.

The real goal here is to try to get to the feeling they are experiencing that causes the behavior, and then train them in a new way to get their needs and wants met.

Here is an example: Depending on the age of the child, we might say something like: “The first time you tell me ‘no’ when I say to do something, I will give you a choice. I will say: You may have a re-do and simply say ‘okay’ this time and obey, or you may calmly ask a question or share your feelings. My answer might not change, but I will listen to you.”

So, the plan for the parent is to encourage a re-do or a respectful conversation instead of a defiant “no”. We may want to focus primarily on how the child acts in these situations, but a way out of the fog is to realize how the child acts is simply not in our control. Only what we are going to say and do is in our control! So we focus on what we are going to do, and let the child decide what they are going to do. One way they choose leads to getting right back to our previously scheduled programming 🙂 and one way leads to consequences that should be sculpted to hopefully only bother the child’s life, not the parent’s.

As the parent, we are training and connecting, rather than punishing. However, if there is unwillingness to do re-dos or try again respectfully, that’s the next part of the plan: the consequences. I think kids needs to know exactly what will happen if they aren’t willing to train toward and practice toward the right way to handle their feelings.

So, on our vacation, I was surprised to have to deal with problems, but bam! There they were! I first fumbled around quite a lot, just being angry and feeling like I had no control over the situation. I forgot for a minute that parenting really isn’t forcing, it’s training. It’s also not cajoling or making it all about the children, either. It’s being prepared to remember my plan of action, rather than expect them to always remember their’s. It’s standing firm in my role before God as steward and caretaker of these lives, and part of that job is training them in the values that God lays on our hearts through His Word and His vision for our families.

I had to ask forgiveness of one child for my anger. And I started praying a lot more, knowing any real heart change would be in God’s hands. And I made a plan on two pieces of paper which I shared with the two children who were struggling with attitudes and behaviors the most. One page said, “These are the steps we take when we are hurt or angry. I expect you to practice these steps with me anytime you start to feel this way.” The next page said, “These are the consequences if you are unwilling to take those steps with me.” Everywhere we went for the rest of the vacation, I had those two pieces of paper with me, so that I remembered the plan and so that I was ready to pull it out if they needed it. This kept me very calm for two reasons. One, I was expecting a problem rather than being blindsided by it. Two, I knew exactly what I was going to say and do if the problem did occur.

Things got better, through prayer and a plan, and I know the kids felt better as soon as I took these steps in the middle of the fog, too.

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Husbands & Wives

I love to plan and set rhythms.

I love to know how I will start and end my day.

I love to start new Bible Study workbooks.

I love to be alone and I also love to gather others in just about anything I get into doing, be it exercise or selling handmade items for women in third world countries.

I love to save money, give money, and use money for traveling.

I love a good health goal and I don’t mind committing to hard things.

But sometimes, I’m not sure if you can relate or not, wink-wink, my spouse doesn’t get as excited about certain things as I do. (What?? I know!!) And the reality is, I don’t get as excited as HIM about certain things either, so we are probably pretty even.

That can feel like a bummer…even worse, it can really make a person feel like they aren’t on the same team with their spouse. They can feel resentful or like there is no hope of things ever changing.

Sometimes it is the actual disagreement of values that make you feel not-so-synced, but sometimes it isn’t that at all. Sometimes it is more the lack of communication or the lack of knowing how to communicate or…maybe…a wrong heart attitude.

So, the Lord and I were talking about this yesterday.

Very clearly, I felt like God was shifting my heart to see something new: I, wife of 21 years, Christian of 31 years, have some entitlement issues.

How many times have I started caring deeply about something and then inadvertently made someone else, most usually my husband, feel “less” for not jumping on board? Just because I want to save for a trip to such and such, or I want to do this eating plan together, God may or may not want to give me that or have me do that…and do I blame God? Not usually. Usually, I blame my husband and maybe…maybe…he blames me in times the roles are reversed. It is in a vague way, probably a super vague way, maybe even unknown to us, but still…

So God gave me some checklist questions to help my heart…and maybe other husbands and wives out there, too.

  1. Have I prayed about this hope/dream/plan/idea before bringing it to them?
  2. Have I determined whether this is a want or a need? Once I have done that, am I willing to present this humbly and honestly as such, rather than acting like those wants are truly needs?
  3. Am I able to share, but not expect? Is the outcome surrendered to God, knowing HE is the giver of all good things?
  4. Am I aware of who has to actually DO the WORK of making this idea happen? Am I keeping that in mind as I bring it up? Is it a fair request when you imagine being in their shoes?
  5. Am I willing to listen to questions, feedback, and alternatives, keeping a good attitude?

My Bible reading today (besides my morning listening to my favorite Read The Bible In One Year podcast, at mjblack.com) was Colossians 3.

As I read Colossians 3, I was amazed at how it spoke into this conversation I had with God about my spirit of entitlement…

I hope you’ll grab a Bible and read it for yourself, but here were some highlights that struck me about the heart attitude I need when I look at my future shared with another person:

-Desire what is above, not what is on earth

-Embrace your new nature

-Be thankful

-Wives, submit to your husband

-Husbands, love your wives

-Fear God

-Whatever you do, do it for the Lord

Whether it is a super serious, even a life or death thing, that you are asking your spouse to move toward with you, or just a small thing like keeping a calendar synced a certain way or budgeting–our heart attitudes, commitment to prayer, and applying Scripture to our problems and desires matters.

Since we are called to peace, and since we are to set our minds on what is excellent, even in hard times, even when genuine needs are unmet, even when one of us on the team is not “pulling our weight” in some way, even then: We can focus on something we are doing well together, something he or she is giving effort and attention to, something for which we can show gratitude and respect.

I’m excited to see how the truth can set me free in this area…What about you? What is hard for you about this? Where are you in this process?

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Freedom, Day Two: Serving

Oh my, how this can be a tricky subject. Christians definitely fall on every point of the spectrum in regard to service in the church and the world. There are those who believe no amount of sacrifice is ever enough and there are those who believe no sacrifice is necessary because we are just here to glorify God by enjoying life. Despite what we are told sometimes, this is what God is telling me:

I’m free to serve with the strength and resources God provides, and I reject all compulsion to do more.

See, I’m extremely sensitive to this Christian pep rally thing where we come together and someone yells at us to do more and be more for the Kingdom. Jesus speaks to me in a whisper. He knows my heart and He knows your’s, too. When you give your life to Him, there should be a constant unraveling of your life and your wants as He builds the tapestry of your new life, the one that looks more like Him and His wants. If that’s not happening, talk to Him about it! If you aren’t more compelled on the inside to live an unselfish life, Jesus’s life is not being formed in you and y’all do need to have a talk! He will gently do that transformation; He’s the only One who can. But being told no matter how tired you are, no matter what you’re going through, you should be fostering kids, you should be giving more money, you should be teaching this class…nope, nope, and nope. The only “should” I can say is that if you are a believer, you should be spending time with Him in the Word and then you will grow in using your gifts and sacrificing how He says to.

Just to unpack this a quick minute more:

There is fleshly compulsion and there is Holy Spirit conviction. (Very different!)

There is serving to be known and needed, and there is serving for an audience of One.

There is a mentality of prayer and wisdom, and there’s the mentality of “Well, this has to get done and no one else will do it.”

There’s trust that God really does have the causes you care about under control, and there’s the blaming and judging of others (or yourself) for not doing enough.

A few questions you can ask yourself when trying to decide if you are being convicted by the Holy Spirit or just a victim of guilt and compulsion:

-Has God given me the time, strength, and resources to do this ministry, to invest in this relationship, to take on this task or commitment?

-Are there other commitments He has given me that would clearly be ignored or done poorly if I do this?

-Is there anything I can rearrange financially or in the schedule that is possibly self-serving or a little too focused on my family, in order to make a space for this opportunity to serve? 

2 Corinthians 9:6-15 and 1 Peter 4:7-19 have much more to say on this topic, and I encourage you to check these passages out! When we serve in the strength He provides, we are a loving and even happy member of community giving all the glory to God. Is that the model you see in your church? Is that how people would describe you? 

It can be.

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When You Don’t Know How to Pray: Six Simple Prayers

Whether it’s a friend in the hospital, a family in the roughest season of their adoption journey, a natural disaster that has ravaged a country, or an ambulance driving by while you’re putting groceries in your car…something inside of us knows we need to pray. It’s innate, because God wants to let us in on His heart and actions for people.

I have went through the questions, like, “If God is good and loves people, then why do we need to pray? Will He not move on their behalf anyway, because of His own goodness and mercy?” I don’t know the answer, but I do know this, and it’s the most important thing I know about prayer: Anytime, anywhere, and with or without anybody, we can ask for a fresh revelation of the love of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit to appear and HE WILL DO IT. He will always be happy to reveal His love, either to us or to others, near, far, high, or low. He will always be happy to permeate any place with His Spirit, in increasing measure, AS WE PRAY. Y’all, that makes me want to pray, because this world needs a touch from the Lord and we can pray that in!

So, when there were several major prayer requests on my heart last week, the Lord gave this to me in my journal and I wanted to share it with you. It’s six simple prayers for when you feel led to pray for those in the human trafficking industry, missionaries having safety or health issues, or the news tells of another merciless earthquake.

  1. Lord, send Your Spirit in increasing measure to comfort and convict; send a fresh revelation of Your love and care!
  2. Raise up the local church around them, Lord, to hear Your voice and literally be Your hands and feet!
  3. Jesus, I ask that You would dismiss Satan and any plans he has to steal, kill, and destroy in this situation.
  4. Please send missionaries and aid workers, people of peace and angels of mercy.
  5. Lord, take over my finances and show me any money You want to be shared.
  6. Send me. My eyes and heart are open, now please open doors of opportunity for my family and I to step in and be part of a physical solution, if it is Your will.
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A Little Look

I don’t really know where to begin. I am choosing to restrain myself from writing about everything all at once…in fact, I have a new goal in blogging that some of you will be really happy about! 500 word cut-off! Whoo!

That was 40 right there. Wow.

So, Jack and I went to Haiti this summer & spent two weeks getting to know the girls that will someday be our daughters. It was wonderful & weird, precious & difficult, all at the same time. Once that trip was completed, other pieces of the process could begin, so we were thrilled to finally be at that point.

We came home to a whirlwind of summer plans with our girls here (ages 7 & 10), and then they began school just a couple of weeks ago. I quickly dove into beginning and updating lifebooks for my girls, studying Haitian Creole, taking care of my inner life, and teaching music lessons while they are gone during the day.

One thing that has made all the difference in the world to me is my daily prayer time. I’ve been using the resources The Power of a Praying Parent and The Power of a Praying Wife to pray specifically for the people under my care. I genuinely feel like I am living out Philippians 4 that tells us the peace of Christ will guard our hearts and minds as we present our needs to Him, with thanksgiving. I’m thankful that every need I bring to the Lord He knew about, and my prayers are more about me reminding myself of His awareness, power, and love than anything else! It’s a truly remarkable difference. I am not afraid anymore. I’m not afraid of not praying enough or not remembering to say exactly the thing I’m asking for in exactly the right way. Oh, how small in my eyes that makes my God and how big in my eyes it makes me! The truth is my Father has got “my people” in the palm of His hand, and that absolutely includes my girls in Haiti and my girls in public school. He has so much restoration and solace for their souls, and my prayers are simply in agreement with & gratitude for His already-great plans for them.

We are currently waiting for our Authorization of Adoption, which usually takes 4-6 months, which means we should get ours between the end of October and the end of December. We’re praying that God will spur people in Haiti to make this process happen in a more reasonable time period. After that Authorization comes, there is another 6-8 months of the process.

Proverbs 21:30 tells us (and this is no isolated verse here!): “There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord.”

I don’t know what God wants to do in the seen realm about this adoption process, but I have no doubt in my mind (and am seeing with my own eyes) that He is the One in control & that He is providing for every need.

Take joy, little children, we have a good Father!!!!!

 

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Our Words

So…anyone who knows me knows that I am not a sports person. I don’t play, I don’t watch, I don’t care! I don’t understand the rules, and if I was on the field or court, I would be the one who gets hit in the head with the ball or runs the wrong direction. I was lucky enough to marry a non-sports person as well, so we’re just blissfully ignorant together. But something we didn’t think about was that we would have offspring, and those offspring might actually want to play sports.

Enter 9 year old, 4 ft. 10 in., sweet and sparkly Selah Taylor, playing basketball for the first time ever.

After the first couple of practices, I knew it wasn’t going to be the experience I had hoped for her. I had hoped she would get on a team of kids who wanted to just have fun playing, learning the game, taking turns in the different positions, etc. I’m such a girl, I guess? I don’t know…I still don’t think I was entirely crazy with those hopes! What she ended up with instead was a team of very close friends, all guys, who had known each other forever and apparently had been playing basketball forever as well. Then there were three beginners tagged onto the group. Two of them were girls, and the other was a shy boy. You can imagine how this has played out. They have equal playing time, and that’s about the only positive thing I can say! The crowd goes wild when the same boys play after play after play drive the ball down the court single-handedly for a lay-up, or maybe a pass to their friend. Maybe once a game, a newbie will accidentally get the ball. Usually, they don’t know exactly what to do with it, they may dribble a little too high and lose control of it, they may break a rule, they may run to the opposite goal. It’s like they’re thinking, “Oh, wow, this is what a basketball feels like!” and by the time they’re done with that thought, someone has stolen it. And the worst thing that I sensed from the beginning is some of the adults who are “encouraging” their children from the sidelines or even the bench. This “encouragement” comes in the form of belittlement and phrases like, “What were you thinking?” My sensitive heart beats out of my chest. The kid’s face is red and he’s trying not to cry. No one does anything.

Okay, so all of that was to set up the story. This blog isn’t going to just be a bunch of complaining. I know God is doing something in me, God is always doing something on a deeper level and as I dig, there it is! I needed these truths and reminders, and this lovely basketball season was just the way for God to show me.

1. Sometimes our kids will do embarrassing things. Maybe its a sin they commit, bad behavior in a public place, or maybe their skill level in a certain area will be low! We’re watching them, we’re seeing the disappointment others may have in them, and it hurts. We don’t want them to feel ashamed, and quite frankly, we don’t want to feel ashamed. But I think God is saying to parents, to me, that if my self-confidence is so low as to care what others think of my child, I need to spend some time with Him remembering what matters, remembering my identity and who I am is wrapped up in who I am in Christ, not what I do or have to show for myself here on earth. Only when we remember that, and nail that down, can we teach our kids to do the same. We need to be bold and extravagant in our encouragement to our kids so they can hear what God wants to say to them about who they are! Also, they can accomplish great things, but they are also going to fail… a lot! We need to show them how to do that gracefully, with a firm grip on how much they are still loved and exquisitely designed for great purpose. So there’s a pit in my stomach on that basketball court. I don’t know that I want my daughter to get the ball. Who will be mad at her when she messes up? Maybe some parents, maybe some kids? Well, who cares? I love my daughter and I’m proud of her for trying. Anyone who thinks we are silly for still being happy after a mistake is missing out on some very good living.

2. If that embarrassment or frustration at our children leads to saying belittling things to them like: “What were you thinking?”, “What’s wrong with you?”, “Are you ever going to get this?” or “You drive me nuts”, we are flat out bullies. We’re standing over these little people and saying in essence the most ridiculous thing in the world: “Why aren’t you as good at this as I am?” We have 30 extra years on this earth! We may have gotten better at cracking eggs and solving math facts, but apparently we haven’t matured in character in all that time if this is how we’re acting. I am so convicted about this! That father at the basketball game made my heart hurt, and while I’m very sorry for the little boy, I am glad I could see my own wrong so clearly.  I’ve asked forgiveness and God is giving new phrases that are kind and patient: “It was so cool how you learned that concept, I know you’ll be able to get this one, too!”, “One day, we’ll look at this book and it’ll seem so easy!”,  or “Let’s dig deep and do our best, but if we don’t get it today, it’s ok!” Again, sometimes our frustration toward our kids isn’t even about them and our hopes for their improvement, it’s about us. I’m not any better than that dad. And we all have the daily moment-by-moment choice to be who God is calling us to be in the relationships we have with others, especially these little people.

We have the power to change the atmosphere and the atmosphere for future generations. We will either pass on the ability to gracefully make mistakes or pass on a policy of being harsh or ignoring failure completely. We will either pass on self-confidence and a deep sense of significance given to every creation of God or perpetuate the belief that we “are” as good as we “do.” We will either pass down kindness, security, and patience which sure does go a long way in helping a person of any age learn anything, or pass on the nerve-wracking demands that never gave anyone character or quality of life.

For anyone who is learning this and wants to pray with me…

Lord Jesus, You always spoke with kindness and love. Even when you corrected people, You spoke to their heart in a way that still cherished them as a creation of God and always let them know they had a safe place in You if they would be willing to leave their sin behind. You do not look at us as we deserve. After all of our sins, but also failures and things we aren’t good at, You look at us directly, in the eye, and just love us so much. Thank You! Help us receive this love and acceptance so that we can easily and freely give it to others!  I acknowledge my behavior as sin and I ask Your forgiveness for the times I have said things and acted in ways that were not loving and accepting. I have been frustrated, embarrassed, and at my wit’s end over this particular person and situation… Please forgive me. I will go to this person and ask their forgiveness… Holy Spirit, will You be like an alarm clock in my heart, warning me when I am beginning to think and feel in an ungodly way so that I will stop and not allow myself to do any more damage. Lord, I seek complete and total freedom forever from this attitude and way of interacting with this person/these people. Give me a new way to think of them and speak to them, in Jesus’ Name. You are so powerful and the only way I can be changed, and I praise You!

Amen.