Posted on

Exchanges

Life in Christ is all about exchanges.

He exchanges our sin and failures for right standing with God.

He exchanges our focus on this fleshly life for a focus on what really matters, a Matthew 6:33 life, where we are seeking His Kingdom and His righteousness first, allowing the “other stuff” to be taken care of by the Father according to His perfect timing and love.

And He also exchanges our daily sadness, confusion, and weariness for Joy, Clarity, and Strength.

Let’s talk about that for a minute.

There is a time to grieve….a time to question, think, sit…and a time to rest, do nothing, let go.

These are necessities for growth, just like off days when you work out hard: You have to give muscles the chance to stretch back out after tightening, tearing. That’s how they grow.

But then your weakness is exchanged for strength.

Our training as believers, spiritually, is to keep going through pain, fires, trials, conflicts, disappointments, personal struggles, yet each time learning to come with them to Jesus and go through the process of an exchange!

We can experience trauma without becoming victims.

We can experience loss without becoming empty.

We can experience stress and pressure without becoming numb, hopeless, angry, and sick.

This is the power of Christ in us.

This is one of the benefits of seeking first His Kingdom, and living – in our hearts – already in His family, His Kingdom, not necessarily with our eyes on Heaven (like as in the “sweet by and by”) but on JESUS, the Author and Perfecter of our faith who endured the cross and sat down at the right hand of God the Father. He is reigning, He is loving, He is giving daily manna, for those in the Kingdom – even though our earthly lives are set in a disturbing, ever shaken, ever darkening place.

But this is the power of His exchange. This is where we have light in darkness. This is where we have peace in chaos.

We have to choose whether or not we will make the exchange.

Each day, I feel like Jesus says, “You can do this or You can let Me live and love through you. You can continue to just survive this job – relationship – time of healing – or You can fall into my arms and we will do this together. You can keep your eyes on the problem, or you can put your eyes on Me. I can be your obsession, your waking thought – My strength, My wisdom, My Word – or you will be obsessed with your own process and progress…It is your choice.”

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Singleness is hard. Parenting is hard. Not parenting is hard. Work is hard. Not working is hard. Health is hard. Money is hard. People are hard. Not having people is hard!

But through Philippians 4:4-6 and Colossians 3:1-17 and James 1 and 2 Peter 1:3-11, actually the entirety of God’s Word, we see we have an opportunity for a continuous exchange of our thoughts for His, our perspectives for His, our goals for His, our wisdom for His…

And as He once gave His life for us, we give it back to Him.

Yes, we give up a lot in this exchange, relatively speaking…

But I can’t help but say, on the other side of the exchange that I made at one time and that I daily make, there is no true, real, abundant life without forsaking my life to hide myself in Him.

When I give Him my pain, yes, I may also be giving Him my freedom to do what I want with my life – but how was I planning to make it through life lugging that pain around anyway? How far was I going to get?

When I give Him my anger, yes, I may also be giving Him my money and what makes me feel safe and what I expected out of a relationship – but those three things were always an illusion and I’m better off without living my life trying to control them.

One of the methods of exchange – practically speaking – is worship and thanksgiving. When I give God my praise, in the midst of the battle, in the midst of the sorrows or questions, He goes and does something miraculous.

We can cast our cares, our sins, our failures, and everyone else’s, too, that are weighing heavy on our minds and hearts, clogging our avenue to peace and joy. We can lay them down…We can bless His Name…We can cling to His living Word…

We can come, and keep coming, for the joy of the Lord is our strength.

Posted on

What We Need

Why do we as Christians feel like we are complaining when we try to work through something in life that is just not working?

Ugh! I hate it.

It keeps a lot of us stuck.

It actually often makes us forget there are options, that it takes time to heal wounds, and that we don’t have to wait for things to be extremely terrible before we do something about them–which often leads to doing something drastic or regretful.

There is a difference between complaining/ruminating on negative things, and working through them.

I know what it’s like to secretly wonder how long you can keep on going like this and the first step is to acknowledge things aren’t working without guilt.

We can actually look at a problem, laying out the facts and the feelings, and know that God is not laying guilt on us. He may very well convict our hearts, but that would be a good thing, an opportunity to actually move forward. We don’t need to be afraid to face the root of our struggles.

However, maybe it isn’t even the guilt from God we are afraid of: I’d say normally it is our own self-judgment, because we make an internal judgment about just about everything we think, do, say, or experience with others. (Maybe more on that another day – it’s a concept that has been life changing to me!)

We judge very harshly that we are tired, or depressed, or unable to complete something we started. We make judgments that affect our beliefs and our hope, judgments that God would never say about us. In doing this, we make our problems worse because we somehow believe we are bad for having the problem.

I have been in the place where that low key misery, the not really living or believing things could be better stage – and feeling guilty for it – was a way of life.

Whether it was genuine brain fog, depression, or just lack of focus –

Whether it was a season of sickness or simply a time of growing in something that was not my cup of tea –

Either way, it was hard and I had to determine what, if anything, could change. I had to see that the changes were mostly within me – how I was going to respond, what I was going to believe, where I was going to place my focus, and when I was going to make time for processing, praying, and anything else I personally needed.

I had to let go of my overwhelming sense of obligation to everyone.

I had to put a little rest, fun, and chill into my life without feeling guilty about it. (Yes, I’m a One. If you know, you know!)

I had to find out from the Lord what is mine and what is not mine to carry.

So here are my questions:

What do you need? Can you specify your needs out loud or on paper?

Think in lists or brainstorm in bubbles – categories – What do you need physically? What about mentally? What about emotionally? What about spiritually? What about socially?

Have you told the Lord these needs and opened your hands before Him?

Do you believe God wants to meet your needs? Do you believe you matter enough to Him to be heard and thought of?

As we know, God allows massive suffering all the way down to tiny speed bumps in our lives. He has a purpose and a plan in them, to aid in our process of sanctification, to bring us closer to the real reason for life – our True Joy, Jesus – and to give us opportunity to comfort others when they face similar inevitable pain in this world.

But even in the midst of that fact, from the inside to the outside, God cares about us and we matter to Him. We are told to cast our cares on Him; we are told to bring our petitions to Him; we are told to do this without ceasing. He is the God who moves on our behalf but we have a part to play in the process!

We are also told in Scripture to bear one another’s burdens and comfort one another, reminding each other of the Lord’s plan and return! That means it is more than okay to share the load when you are feeling all the hard things.

Small changes can make big differences and that first step might be to believe that God loves you and cares for you, that this season will not last forever, and that He wants to bring you to a place of strength and peace right where you are.

No guilt.

Grace and peace to you, in Christ Jesus!

Posted on

Take Me In

I shared on Instagram last night a little part of a song and lyric video I wrote years ago called Take Me In. Although all my songs are deeply honest – really just extensions of my prayer journals – this one is incredibly vulnerable as it describes that painful place of realizing that we are just not where we were with God or where we want to be at all anymore.

“I am stoic in my prayers…I sing like You’re not there…”

Have you ever been there?

“I’m not just gonna stand here any longer, with my arms crossed and my pain as my defense…I am gonna lift my arms until You lift me, You can have me, whatever there is left.”

Have you ever been this desperate?

(I think desperation can be our best friend, even though we.hate.it.so.much.)

“I’ll come as far as I know how, then I will wait for You to take me in, take me in…”

(God’s Word says again and again that when we come humbly before Him, He happily takes it from there.)

Praise the LORD!

God is the God of this moment. What if we really believed that?

God is a God of grace. What if we really believed that?

God is the Lover of our souls and the Father to the prodigal. What if we really believed that?

What if we believed new mercies and new manna were ready for us each morning for the taking?

Can we be still for a moment and let Him take us in?

He is waiting with open arms, before we figure out our problems, before we figure out why we strayed, before we have a plan to do better next time.

We can drop these things and run.

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!!!

*You can find this lyric video on YouTube at LyndsayTaylorMusic*

Posted on

What Are We Afraid Of

I don’t think it’s always necessary to get answers to have peace.

I’m not sure that an answer is even what our hearts are really craving.

It’s kind of like math.

Just being able to set up the problem correctly means you are 90% there. Just picking out the right formula to use–isn’t that more than half the battle? (And yes, using the word “battle” is totally appropriate when talking about math! Not an exaggeration at all! lol)

So, what are we afraid of?

We are afraid of problems, of bad news, of loved ones going through hard times. We are afraid of messing up or missing out; afraid of someone else messing up or making us miss out. There’s more. Lots more. But ultimately I think we are afraid of pain. Mental, emotional, physical, social…

But what if we were to see that pain isn’t really the most painful thing?

What if we were to see that fear is…

Now we have “set up” our problem correctly.

When pain comes, as believers, we can believe that we will have everything we need to make it through and even become more like Jesus through that trial. As children of God, we can know we will be comforted and held even when the unthinkable happens. We can find purpose, a stronger more fruitful faith, and even remember His promises about all things working out for good. We don’t want pain, and it may still feel unbearable at times, but we see when it happens that we have a refuge and strength we didn’t experience in the easier moments of life. There is grace for it, in good measure. Feeling any negative emotions feels awful, but God created us with the capacity to heal, to sit with sorrow and joy at the same time, and to live again.

Pain is a reality, in every life.

But fear is a different story.

Sometimes pain is a visitor that won’t go away; it just needs to sit with us sometimes, always longer than we would like. Acceptance and time help a lot.

But fear is the enemy and we don’t have to entertain him, not for one minute. Accepting fearful thoughts and beliefs for long periods of time will only build a life of unnecessary pseudo-pain.

What if the children of God were marked by viciously refusing to be worriers at all? Can you even imagine the difference in your life and others you know if we understood that the sin of letting fear and worry run amok in our brains is more of a problem in our lives than the actual real process of facing pain when it visits?

Do we know in Whom we have placed our trust or do we not?

I am so convicted and truly amazed at how setting up the problem more clearly is in itself an answer…

Saint Therese of Lisieux said this:

“I had to pass through many trials before reaching the haven of peace, before tasting the delicious fruits of perfect love and complete abandonment to God’s Will.”

God can have the victory before, during, and after pain.

Be not afraid.

Posted on

When Parenting is a Fog

I still have days when parenting is a fog, even though my kids are older and don’t need me as much.

In fact, it happened a couple weeks ago on vacation when I had to remember that TBRI takes no holidays!!! But I will say, as kids get older, it gets a little easier in at least a couple ways.

One of those ways is they are not with us every minute, so we have time to gather our thoughts, pray, and prepare for whatever problems that particular season is bringing. We also have more time for self care, which helps so much.

But either way, whether we have little kids all around us or we have teens who bring bigger issues, just less frequently, here are two foundations that we can come back to when we just can’t see straight anymore.

We have to depend on miracles from God. We have dedicated our kids to the Lord at some point and when we did that, didn’t we feel a sense of humility, like “there is no way I can raise this child perfectly, and I am so glad I have the Lord’s power to do what I can’t?” We must continue in this! As Paul says in Galatians 3:3, “Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” This means to me that I need to back off from the self-imposed pressure of thinking that “I” have to be perfect and know everything to do in order to raise children’s God’s way. We must pray and believe that He is willing to give us, and them, what is needed. We can model dependence on God, gratitude, and intercessory prayer by stopping and praying with our kids anytime we are in the fog.

Second, we can identify one major issue the child is struggling with and make a plan. Try to make sure both parents understand and are willing to try their best to follow through on the steps. As unemotionally as possible, and when everyone is in a decent mood, we need to have discussions with our kids on how to handle big feelings such as the powerless feeling that comes from being told “no” or the jealousy that comes from an older sibling staying up later. It’s important for both the parents and the children to know that big feelings are okay and allowed; the issue is how we handle and share those feelings.

The real goal here is to try to get to the feeling they are experiencing that causes the behavior, and then train them in a new way to get their needs and wants met.

Here is an example: Depending on the age of the child, we might say something like: “The first time you tell me ‘no’ when I say to do something, I will give you a choice. I will say: You may have a re-do and simply say ‘okay’ this time and obey, or you may calmly ask a question or share your feelings. My answer might not change, but I will listen to you.”

So, the plan for the parent is to encourage a re-do or a respectful conversation instead of a defiant “no”. We may want to focus primarily on how the child acts in these situations, but a way out of the fog is to realize how the child acts is simply not in our control. Only what we are going to say and do is in our control! So we focus on what we are going to do, and let the child decide what they are going to do. One way they choose leads to getting right back to our previously scheduled programming 🙂 and one way leads to consequences that should be sculpted to hopefully only bother the child’s life, not the parent’s.

As the parent, we are training and connecting, rather than punishing. However, if there is unwillingness to do re-dos or try again respectfully, that’s the next part of the plan: the consequences. I think kids needs to know exactly what will happen if they aren’t willing to train toward and practice toward the right way to handle their feelings.

So, on our vacation, I was surprised to have to deal with problems, but bam! There they were! I first fumbled around quite a lot, just being angry and feeling like I had no control over the situation. I forgot for a minute that parenting really isn’t forcing, it’s training. It’s also not cajoling or making it all about the children, either. It’s being prepared to remember my plan of action, rather than expect them to always remember their’s. It’s standing firm in my role before God as steward and caretaker of these lives, and part of that job is training them in the values that God lays on our hearts through His Word and His vision for our families.

I had to ask forgiveness of one child for my anger. And I started praying a lot more, knowing any real heart change would be in God’s hands. And I made a plan on two pieces of paper which I shared with the two children who were struggling with attitudes and behaviors the most. One page said, “These are the steps we take when we are hurt or angry. I expect you to practice these steps with me anytime you start to feel this way.” The next page said, “These are the consequences if you are unwilling to take those steps with me.” Everywhere we went for the rest of the vacation, I had those two pieces of paper with me, so that I remembered the plan and so that I was ready to pull it out if they needed it. This kept me very calm for two reasons. One, I was expecting a problem rather than being blindsided by it. Two, I knew exactly what I was going to say and do if the problem did occur.

Things got better, through prayer and a plan, and I know the kids felt better as soon as I took these steps in the middle of the fog, too.

Posted on

Husbands & Wives

I love to plan and set rhythms.

I love to know how I will start and end my day.

I love to start new Bible Study workbooks.

I love to be alone and I also love to gather others in just about anything I get into doing, be it exercise or selling handmade items for women in third world countries.

I love to save money, give money, and use money for traveling.

I love a good health goal and I don’t mind committing to hard things.

But sometimes, I’m not sure if you can relate or not, wink-wink, my spouse doesn’t get as excited about certain things as I do. (What?? I know!!) And the reality is, I don’t get as excited as HIM about certain things either, so we are probably pretty even.

That can feel like a bummer…even worse, it can really make a person feel like they aren’t on the same team with their spouse. They can feel resentful or like there is no hope of things ever changing.

Sometimes it is the actual disagreement of values that make you feel not-so-synced, but sometimes it isn’t that at all. Sometimes it is more the lack of communication or the lack of knowing how to communicate or…maybe…a wrong heart attitude.

So, the Lord and I were talking about this yesterday.

Very clearly, I felt like God was shifting my heart to see something new: I, wife of 21 years, Christian of 31 years, have some entitlement issues.

How many times have I started caring deeply about something and then inadvertently made someone else, most usually my husband, feel “less” for not jumping on board? Just because I want to save for a trip to such and such, or I want to do this eating plan together, God may or may not want to give me that or have me do that…and do I blame God? Not usually. Usually, I blame my husband and maybe…maybe…he blames me in times the roles are reversed. It is in a vague way, probably a super vague way, maybe even unknown to us, but still…

So God gave me some checklist questions to help my heart…and maybe other husbands and wives out there, too.

  1. Have I prayed about this hope/dream/plan/idea before bringing it to them?
  2. Have I determined whether this is a want or a need? Once I have done that, am I willing to present this humbly and honestly as such, rather than acting like those wants are truly needs?
  3. Am I able to share, but not expect? Is the outcome surrendered to God, knowing HE is the giver of all good things?
  4. Am I aware of who has to actually DO the WORK of making this idea happen? Am I keeping that in mind as I bring it up? Is it a fair request when you imagine being in their shoes?
  5. Am I willing to listen to questions, feedback, and alternatives, keeping a good attitude?

My Bible reading today (besides my morning listening to my favorite Read The Bible In One Year podcast, at mjblack.com) was Colossians 3.

As I read Colossians 3, I was amazed at how it spoke into this conversation I had with God about my spirit of entitlement…

I hope you’ll grab a Bible and read it for yourself, but here were some highlights that struck me about the heart attitude I need when I look at my future shared with another person:

-Desire what is above, not what is on earth

-Embrace your new nature

-Be thankful

-Wives, submit to your husband

-Husbands, love your wives

-Fear God

-Whatever you do, do it for the Lord

Whether it is a super serious, even a life or death thing, that you are asking your spouse to move toward with you, or just a small thing like keeping a calendar synced a certain way or budgeting–our heart attitudes, commitment to prayer, and applying Scripture to our problems and desires matters.

Since we are called to peace, and since we are to set our minds on what is excellent, even in hard times, even when genuine needs are unmet, even when one of us on the team is not “pulling our weight” in some way, even then: We can focus on something we are doing well together, something he or she is giving effort and attention to, something for which we can show gratitude and respect.

I’m excited to see how the truth can set me free in this area…What about you? What is hard for you about this? Where are you in this process?

Posted on

Opening Up

It’s easier to be busy.

It’s easier to cruise around social media.

It’s easier to claim all the possibilities and responsibilities offered and then have no margins at all.

It’s easier to not think.

It’s easier to not feel.

It’s easier to stay vague.

It’s easier to keep going as you are used to…

…than to be still and be engaged where you are, one thing and one person at a time.

…than to make real plans with a smaller amount of people and really know their hearts and their families and share life with them, intentionally.

…than to keep things simple and live in direct obedience rather than frantic doing.

…than to pause and listen to the Lord’s thoughts about us and our situations.

…than to possibly hurt in a way we don’t know how to fix.

…than to ask the Holy Spirit for razor-sharp clarity on what exactly we are afraid of or on what habit is driving us farther and farther from the peace of God.

…than to stop and see, and be brave enough to change course.

Posted on

20 Years From Africa

October 25th always feels important. It also feels like it represents a different life I once lived, a life that very few people in my life can truly have access to.

I became a missionary with the IMB October 25, 1999 and –ironically and unplanned– it was exactly October 25th, 2000 that I came back home to Kentucky. I served in Mali, West Africa, in a village where my main goals were to learn the language, share the gospel in a variety of ways, and do basic first aid and any community help I could give.

I loved it. I felt like I was made for it!

I was really sick, however, and I didn’t have enough support from missionaries on the field to make it livable for any longer than that year, sadly.

I don’t write a blog today to say I have made total peace with that experience, but I do write to say I am glad I lived it. I will never forget Mamu’s face when she became a believer in Jesus. I will never forget the dugutigi’s laugh. I will never forget the dirty, beautiful, precious kids’ faces and fingers pressed through the metal shutters on my windows. I will never smell an outside fire without closing my eyes and being back in Dialakorobougou. It’s a memory no one can ever take away from me.

Twenty years ago! The children are grown men and women, with kids of their own. Many of them are likely not alive. I still randomly have dreams about flying back there spontaneously just to see how things have changed, and to see if my mud covered house is still there. I hope kids get to play in there. 🙂 I hope the gospel was passed down, and is still being passed down. I hope my friend Ane’s family is still living and happy.

I was just a little part of their lives for a little time. But it’s a part of my story. A chapter. And it’s neat to think I was a part of their stories, too. When I think of it this way, it’s really not all that complicated. I am happy I was there to share God’s love and mercy with anyone I could.

Jesus kept saying in the gospels to simply love God and love others. The NLT version I am reading right now says that Jesus said your neighbor is anyone who needs mercy. I look around and I see that everybody needs mercy. I need mercy, too.

We are all right now living out a chapter of our lives. I hope each of us are feeling mercy from others…and I hope each of us are carrying mercy to give. This chapter is all we have right now, and someday we will have the pleasure of seeing the whole book.

Posted on

2020

It was supposed to be a time of vision…clear 20/20 vision.

I have shaken my head wondering how this year could be so lacking in that one virtue!

But today, I saw a different perspective.

It’s important to note that 2020, the pandemic, the election, and the police issues/riots haven’t brought fear, racism, and ugliness, but merely exposed them.

We are now seeing what was already there in our culture, in our hearts, in our trust (or lack of trust) in God. Our weakness may have been veiled by busyness and routine and ease. We feel like we are walking in a daze now, but what if we were walking in a daze then instead?

Can we choose to see, can we focus, on what matters now?

God is the God of 2020. He is the Lord and the King! He is still the Savior! He made this year and every day in it. It is not a dumpster fire, it’s a refining fire. It’s not cursed, it is blessed. We can choose to see.

God is not confused or scattered or complaining. He is so steady. He is so stable. He is so good. He can handle every big emotion we can bring. His arms are open. He isn’t ready to write off this year. He has so many good things to accomplish!

2020 is peeling back the skin and opening up the ribs for an emergency open heart surgery, and we are propped open and exposed. All year long we have felt tender to the touch. What part of our hearts, what valve, what artery, needs repair? Individually, collectively? In society, in the Church?

Our reaction to this surgery is only step one. Many of us are stuck there.

2020 is not over. Can we take this “2020 Year of Vision” and say it is truly time to seek the Lord, see His hand, and see our next step?

I love the old hymn so much—

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

and the things of earth will grow strangely dim

in the light of His glory and grace.

Posted on

Loose Hands//Tight Throat

I mean, it is just a normal, busy Tuesday. It’s not like it’s Graduation Day, or the day to move my oldest daughter, who just turned 15 this summer, into college. It’s just a Tuesday in the beginning to middle of her Sophomore year. No big deal. But for months, I have the tight throat.

You know…when all of a sudden, you see before your eyes the years in the making of a girl who is not far from spreading those wings. You see that fervor and that drive in her eyes. You see only so many more sleepy Saturday mornings or summer vacations together. You see she finally sees a life beyond this life and a home beyond this home, and you’re happy–I mean, you truly are happy–but you also feel the tears constrict the throat and that means one thing.

It means the hands are going to have to loosen. On a Tuesday, I practice. I practice now, perhaps my suffering will be decreased to the tiniest degree if I practice now? Before the Graduation, before the college move-in day, before we turn around and leave without her in the car…before the white gown and the life she forms entirely of her (and God’s) own desire and plan.

Ouch! It hurts.

First dates. First jobs. It’s happening.

The child that has pulled my hair and sang me songs and made me laugh. That child. That one that I knew was never mine, but it sure has felt like she was.

Tight throat, loose hands. I will be brave. Won’t fear pain. Will dive in. Will experience it all with joy. Will be thankful. Will live in the now. Won’t block the tears. Won’t clench the hands.

Won’t block the tears. Won’t clench the hands.