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ethiopia, here i come…

In less than a week, I get to go to Ethiopia and be with Jesus and precious people He loves.

I feel so excited, and also a little sad because I will miss my family. As friends prayed over me today and mentioned my husband and children’s names individually before the Lord, I was struck, again, by the beauty of my LIFE that I get to live here with them.

As I have said in recent posts, family life is hard. Sometimes I’m grieving, sometimes I’m confused. I am not saying it is smooth or easy. But it is beautiful.

About four years ago, I got my first tattoo and it was a step of faith – not the tattoo, but what it said and meant. It says “life is beautiful”. It was a time in my life where my daily existence didn’t feel beautiful, but I was proclaiming what GOD said about it! A year later, I went back and added three more lines to the tattoo, each saying “life is beautiful” in the three other languages that have greatly blessed and affected my life: Bambara (Mali), Amharic (Ethiopia-adopting Yemi), & Haitian Kreyol (Haiti-adopting Eva & Zoe).

Although I will keep it covered in Ethiopia most likely, the Amharic line goes with me next week as I live and abide in this truth: Ethiopian lives are beautiful. Each are created in the image of God. The ones living in the garbage dump in Kore, the ones working at the daycare, preschool, and kindergarten, the ones begging on a street corner. I am already overwhelmed (with heavy gratitude and awe) to foresee how many eyes and faces and hands and souls I will come in contact with, and I have ONE prayer…

That through the power of the Holy Spirit, my eyes and smile will convey that I value them, that Jesus loves them, that Creator God is for them not against them, that they are seen and known by Him, and that this Holy Spirit interaction will indeed enact desire for GRACE BY FAITH in Jesus.

Other than my last time in Ethiopia, I can’t think of a place I have gone that I could not speak at least a preschool version of the language. In Amharic, I’ve got nothing! How awesome to know that my lack and inability will be so deep and wide, making lots of room for Him to speak in the spirit realm.

As was confirmed with my sweet friends this morning, it is my lack and inability that truly is the “new wineskins” that Jesus needed me to prepare for Him to fill with new wine. Maybe the old wineskins were my laws and my self-righteousness, my abilities and commitment level and strengths. Now, both in this Ethiopian trip and in my new desire for the counseling and prayer ministry, I only have this to offer: Me (weaknesses & all) plus the grace and presence of Jesus. And how clear it is in this moment that my beautiful life was not meant to be anything but that.

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Opening Up

It’s easier to be busy.

It’s easier to cruise around social media.

It’s easier to claim all the possibilities and responsibilities offered and then have no margins at all.

It’s easier to not think.

It’s easier to not feel.

It’s easier to stay vague.

It’s easier to keep going as you are used to…

…than to be still and be engaged where you are, one thing and one person at a time.

…than to make real plans with a smaller amount of people and really know their hearts and their families and share life with them, intentionally.

…than to keep things simple and live in direct obedience rather than frantic doing.

…than to pause and listen to the Lord’s thoughts about us and our situations.

…than to possibly hurt in a way we don’t know how to fix.

…than to ask the Holy Spirit for razor-sharp clarity on what exactly we are afraid of or on what habit is driving us farther and farther from the peace of God.

…than to stop and see, and be brave enough to change course.

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Freedom, Day Four: Acceptance

Hello Friends!

Here’s my statement for the week–I’ve been dwelling on this for a while actually, especially on days that my Enneagram-labeled-Perfectionism tries to strangle me(!):

“I am free from the shame and disappointment of all that I am not. I accept my self and my life as it is.”

In adopting three little girls over the past nine years, I have spent a lot of time learning and then teaching them how important thoughts are–how important it is to feed our own minds! We have many coping skills and many short mantras to drag our thoughts and feelings out of the valley when frustrations, guilt, or other emotional dilemmas want to take us down.

We have to speak truth to our dear selves! God did not make mistakes in making us…and neither did He make mistakes in what He has called us to do or what our lives look like- past, present, and future. I am often plagued with this overwhelming thought that I should have went a different path with my life, that I would have been more valuable and usable to God if I had done things differently. I wonder why certain parts of my life didn’t “take off” like people thought they would. I blame myself for not working harder or accomplishing something I can be known by. I let my mind wander into confusion, guilt, blame, sadness at what I’m not…until I can no longer see the truth.

But here is truth we can speak to such accusations:

God has written our stories and we are deep into one of those Handwritten chapters right now. He has a plan!

When we gave our lives to God, those lives became HIS.  If we are growing, listening, and obeying to the very best of our knowledge, we can rest in His design and ability to change things when HE wants to.

There are different seasons. Some of the things that are on the back burner might come to the forefront again someday. We aren’t failures just because there is some untapped potential in there!

And lastly, the Holy Spirit. I mean, really. Who do I think I am feeling frustrated that I haven’t done more, been more? I am NOTHING! I am whatever the indwelling Jesus–the Holy Spirit–wants me to be! I do whatever the indwelling Jesus–the Holy Spirit–wants me to do! Unless I am living in known sin, do I really think I can surpass what my friend HS wants to do and be in and through me? What a relief to be free and let the Holy Spirit really have control. To be aware of His presence. To see HIM produce HIS fruit in me. To see HIM change me and make more more like Jesus (which mainly looks like me learning humility as I mess up and apologize 10,000 times).

We can accept our selves and our lives as they are as we stay in connection with Him because He is big enough and good enough to lead us if and when it is time. Our life is not a frantic race to do things for God. It is a daily opportunity to be loved, love the Lord and others, and live in specific obedience.

No regrets!