Last night, I was supposed to pick some songs to lead at our Bible study at church. I chose Raise a Hallelujah and Goodness of God because they felt right in light of the chapter we were reading in our book, Rekindled Flame, that week. As our evening of talking and praying went on, someone spoke about the shooting in Nashville, and it led to such a somber time of acknowledging our sorrow, confusion, and even doubts and fears. And that was the exact moment the Bible study leader asked me to go into our worship through singing time…
I was thinking to myself:
Seriously?
How do I do that?
I don’t feel like worshipping right now!
I feel like sitting at His feet, yes. I feel like asking lots of questions in His presence, yes. But worship? Praise? Raise a hallelujah?
So I prayed. I reminded my heart and those in the room of truth. We decided to bring a sacrifice of praise. We decided to focus on His sovereignty, His place on His throne, and ultimately, we decided to have faith…the messy, real faith that acknowledges our feelings but also acknowledges our decision to trust the Lord.
I was rightly convicted when the Bible study leader asked us if we could share a time that we praised God and worshiped Him through thanksgiving in the middle of pain and suffering. I felt like I really didn’t have a time to say, because in the worst of times, I will fall to my knees and pray – I will speak truth, I will trust – and I know this is worship, too – but do I praise Him then and there? No, not really. It feels inauthentic. But I see there is a difference between celebratory praise (which may truly feel inauthentic in grief and I think we need to hold space for that) and worshipful adoration of Him through reading Psalms, praying our thanks, and even singing.
We are in such a sad time of history. But I don’t know that any other era was better. It’s just incredibly hard and sad. So what do we do? There are many ways to express it, but for me, here are 3 things I want to be faithful to do.
I want to run to the Father. I want to take my real thoughts and feelings to Him, rather than turn from Him, letting my mind get stuck on the “whys”. Our hearts are breaking. We either take those broken pieces to Him, or we take them somewhere else. The people who will take their fears, doubts, pain, and anger to Him will find healing, joy, and comfort. We are promised trouble, even though God is good. We are promised suffering, even though God is sovereign. And we are also promised peace, His presence, and that He will make all things work together for good for those that love Him and are called according to His purpose (John 14 & Romans 8).
I want to submit to His sovereignty. Part of the beauty of genuine worship is that in His presence, often with the help of scripture and songs, we are once again reminded of the truth of His wisdom and power. Does it take away the pain and questions? No. It doesn’t always do that. But when I submit to His sovereignty, His authority, His choices, His ways, I am enacting my faith and my identity as a child of God. I am not saying I’m okay. I’m not saying I understand or like what is happening. I’m not saying I’m over it. But in submitting to His sovereignty, I am humbling myself and taking my rightful place, which does change my perspective on the big picture.
I want to activate my spiritual gifts for the good of the Body. We all want to do something in times like these. So, we should. Pray. Ask the Lord how to pray, who to pray for, where to pray. Encourage. Ask the Lord how, who, where, when. Teach. Ask the Lord how, who, where, when. Give. Ask the Lord how, who, where, when. Serve. Prophesy. Show mercy. In my class on Tuesday, which is a Women’s Ministry training time, our leader used her teaching gift to lead us in a precious time of learning and surrender regarding the Nashville shooting. She shared how even in this horrific story, God shows His “metanarrative” of creation, the fall of man, redemption, and restoration. We are easily focused on the “fall of man” part, an easy piece to grab onto with our focus and fears. But we know His heart is for redemption and restoration, too. Maybe it will be redemption on earth – Jesus trading sorrows for joy, Jesus touching people’s lives with the seriousness of life and death and bringing them to salvation. Maybe the restoration will happen in Heaven, or here on earth as He displays His love and might through healing these broken hearts, I don’t know. But I know He will do it. How can you and I be a part of this redemption and restoration?
Lord Jesus, may Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Turn us to You. Mend our hearts. Send us out. Amen.
