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Belonging & Behavior, Part 2

Last week, I unraveled my thoughts about both OT and NT characters seeing (or missing) their chance to simply belong to God – be chosen, be beloved, be enough in His sight, be His. 

Ezekiel said yes; the masses of Israelites said no.

Mary said yes; most of the Pharisees said no. 

This is how I am challenged right now and here is what I pray becomes crystal clear in the Belonging & Behavior connection training book, which is an adoptive parenting book with a whole other layer of truth built in~

God is inviting people into His family and that belonging piece is not just a step up into a more important level (like how we act). No, belonging is our roots, it’s our trunk, it’s our branches! It’s almost everything. It’s who we are! It’s how we survive in this environment! He knew we would need, more than we realize, to be in the family with Him! And when it really has soaked in that this fellowship is real, that this goodness is true, that we have a Provider, Protector, Father, Counselor, Ever-Present-Help in times of trouble, then…we begin to reflect the good heart with which we have been communing. 

His family has certain ways they act because they have been dwelling with perfect Love. Just like in any family, the members branch out and look different, but in God’s family, all those differences are still going to point to the same beautiful, good, true things about who He is and what He does. Their behavior is the fruit. The bearing of fruit, the harvest, never comes before the planting season! This is where we go wrong when we focus on the rules of what we are doing or not doing, rather than focus on knowing Jesus personally and dwelling with Him in a relationship. 

Sometimes we need to stop and see that our behavior problems are really belonging problems…and oh how the Father would love to help us with that! Soaking in His love, we are changed. 

Like I said last week, it is repeated dozens of times in the OT that God was saying: “I want you to be My people and I want to be Your God.” And God went on multiple times to also say the following, which I think is absolutely worth mentioning…these are Family Basics, per Yahweh. This is how we act when we are His.

We will:

•Be generous to the poor and foreigner, whether that is spiritually, emotionally, or financially poor. They are in our midst for a reason. This shows we know the “Family of God” basics; this shows we know we lack nothing and can give what He gives us away without fear of lack. Giving shows we know our roots, deep in abundance with Father God. 

•Keep the Sabbath, meaning rest and don’t do what you normally do. Don’t catch up or get ahead. Literally, cease! Regroup. Recharge. Give your mouth a break from idle words. Meditate on the beauty of the Lord. Give over to Him all that makes you strive, signifying a release of all our own man-made goodness and accomplishment. This shows we trust our Provider and that we put Him above our abilities, our reputation, and anything we could build for ourselves. Resting shows that who we are comes from the work of Jesus, not us, and that the world will go on without us. It’s more than sacrifice, it is a practice of humility. 

•Know He alone is God. Regardless of past hurts or fears, He is on the throne. He is sovereign. His Word is true. He alone is God, meaning we are not…that takes the load off responsibilities that were never ours in the first place. 

Lord,

We are a tribe that longs to know You and look more like You, our Leader, our Author, our Father. But we are in an atmosphere that makes it feel so complicated as we parent, work long hours, pay for things, and deal with things that don’t seem to matter much in the Kingdom! Show us how to live here, as Yours.

Amen.

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Belonging & Behavior, Part 1

It has always been a dream of mine to write and publish a book, and last week, I crossed the finish line of that idea; thank You, Jesus! I had been working off and on for four years to write a book about how adoptive families connect, based on our experience and what we learned – both before our adoptions, and during the “hot mess” years! Ultimately, we learned a lot that paralleled the love of Father God and His invitation into the Family!

Lately I have been reading Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations, and Ezekiel. Ezekiel was a prophet, whom God called to do many crazy things to show the Israelites who He was and what He was after. When you read Ezekiel, you see that while God brings new and creative visual lessons to His people, the bottom line of all these lessons is the same. Yes, He was echoing through these books that the people were horrible, belligerent sinners. But why didn’t the sin of the Philistines or the Edomites cause Him the same grief? Because God’s priority was His family: “I want you to know that I am God, your God, and that you are a people, My people.” He was upset about their behavior, He called out certain actions – but He just kept saying in all of His decisions: “Then they will know I am God.” It reminds me of Ps. 46:10: “Be still and know that I am God…”

Again, and again, and again. In Isaiah, or Lamentations, or Exodus, or just about all the Samuels, Kings, and Chronicles, God is warning: I will punish you to bring you back to Me and teach you what you really need; I will make you see that I had a special position and place for you which was the best plan for you; I will make you sorry so that you will understand and never stray again! And eventually, He lets a great number of them die, be exiled, etc, never to return to their promised land because of their consistent choice to sin and not be His people. While He left a remnant, as He promised, His warnings did come to pass. 

And in all this, the thing that keeps standing out to me is that, in my opinion and from what I can see across the Word, God’s greatest desire was simply: “a people”. A people that belonged to Him. A people that were proud to be His. A people that reflected His heart and His ways. A people who enjoyed knowing that He was God and happy they did not have to be. A people at peace, knowing that while they lived in a foreign dark world, they had a secret identity and connection to the King of a much better and more important Kingdom.

And yet that was the one thing they did not do, the one thing they refused to be. The Jews rejected this belonging. 

In the New Testament, we see that Pharisees and Sadducees were finally some Jews that had their acts together. They weren’t going to hurt the reputation of their God! They weren’t going to get punishments like their ancestors had, no way! They finally had a grip on what God wanted out of them…or so they thought. Unfortunately, they had it backwards! It was a different version of the story, but still sin and still separation from God. They couldn’t care less if they belonged to God; they really just belonged to their law books, their religion, and their self-righteousness. They had their act, and I believe they believed it was enough, I really do. But they were missing the fact that God wanted their behavior to flow from their joy of belonging to Him – in humble awe calling Him their God, in humble awe praising Him for saving them because they couldn’t possibly be near Him without mercy, and in humble awe obeying Him through serving others. This is not what the leaders in Jesus’ time on earth lived like. That’s why He judged them more harshly than the drunks and the prostitutes.

The religious leaders rewrote the story of what God wanted from them…or at least they tried to.

We make things complicated sometimes.

The question to be asking is, truly, am I thinking and living and enjoying Him…like a child of God, beloved and secure?

Lord,

Help us recognize the value, the priceless value, of belonging to You, of being Yours! Lord, the gift and the beauty of this…Thank You.

amen.

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Tune My Heart to Sing Thy Grace

This line is from one of my favorite hymns, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.

I have often tuned my heart along the key of my self rather than His grace.

My self improvement. My self righteousness. My self importance.

Ann Voskamp in her book, Waymaker, uses the phrase “drowning in self-importance.” Jesus rescues her from that…

and me, too.

It starts so innocently. We just want to be our best. Please our parents. Serve God. Make a difference. Not waste our one life.

As we grow in our skills and well meaning attempts, encouragement and accomplishments can bring on “rising star syndrome” (I think I just made that up?) which keeps us looking for applause well after the crowds have left.

We fall hard from the sky when our focus is on how well we can carry on in the duties, responsibilities, privileges, and tasks of the life He has given us. We fall hard when we are sick, tired, frustrated, misunderstood, or forgetful of why we are doing what we are doing in the first place.

But if we allow Him to tune our heart to sing His grace, we switch from a focus on that old covenant of works to the new covenant of grace. From a covenant of performance to a covenant of acceptance. From behavior to belonging. From death to life. From us to Him.

Oh, to bring the focus back to HIM!

HE is perfect. HE is good. HE is wise. HE is faithful. HE is all the things we wish we were.

Yes, He is conforming us to His likeness – He is restoring His glory in us – to be hope and light on this earth –

But still, still…

The joy comes when we understand it isn’t about US.

So –

“Come Thou Fount of every blessing

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace.

Streams of mercy, never ceasing

call for songs of loudest praise.”

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Loose Hands//Tight Throat

I mean, it is just a normal, busy Tuesday. It’s not like it’s Graduation Day, or the day to move my oldest daughter, who just turned 15 this summer, into college. It’s just a Tuesday in the beginning to middle of her Sophomore year. No big deal. But for months, I have the tight throat.

You know…when all of a sudden, you see before your eyes the years in the making of a girl who is not far from spreading those wings. You see that fervor and that drive in her eyes. You see only so many more sleepy Saturday mornings or summer vacations together. You see she finally sees a life beyond this life and a home beyond this home, and you’re happy–I mean, you truly are happy–but you also feel the tears constrict the throat and that means one thing.

It means the hands are going to have to loosen. On a Tuesday, I practice. I practice now, perhaps my suffering will be decreased to the tiniest degree if I practice now? Before the Graduation, before the college move-in day, before we turn around and leave without her in the car…before the white gown and the life she forms entirely of her (and God’s) own desire and plan.

Ouch! It hurts.

First dates. First jobs. It’s happening.

The child that has pulled my hair and sang me songs and made me laugh. That child. That one that I knew was never mine, but it sure has felt like she was.

Tight throat, loose hands. I will be brave. Won’t fear pain. Will dive in. Will experience it all with joy. Will be thankful. Will live in the now. Won’t block the tears. Won’t clench the hands.

Won’t block the tears. Won’t clench the hands.

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Freedom, Day Four: Acceptance

Hello Friends!

Here’s my statement for the week–I’ve been dwelling on this for a while actually, especially on days that my Enneagram-labeled-Perfectionism tries to strangle me(!):

“I am free from the shame and disappointment of all that I am not. I accept my self and my life as it is.”

In adopting three little girls over the past nine years, I have spent a lot of time learning and then teaching them how important thoughts are–how important it is to feed our own minds! We have many coping skills and many short mantras to drag our thoughts and feelings out of the valley when frustrations, guilt, or other emotional dilemmas want to take us down.

We have to speak truth to our dear selves! God did not make mistakes in making us…and neither did He make mistakes in what He has called us to do or what our lives look like- past, present, and future. I am often plagued with this overwhelming thought that I should have went a different path with my life, that I would have been more valuable and usable to God if I had done things differently. I wonder why certain parts of my life didn’t “take off” like people thought they would. I blame myself for not working harder or accomplishing something I can be known by. I let my mind wander into confusion, guilt, blame, sadness at what I’m not…until I can no longer see the truth.

But here is truth we can speak to such accusations:

God has written our stories and we are deep into one of those Handwritten chapters right now. He has a plan!

When we gave our lives to God, those lives became HIS.  If we are growing, listening, and obeying to the very best of our knowledge, we can rest in His design and ability to change things when HE wants to.

There are different seasons. Some of the things that are on the back burner might come to the forefront again someday. We aren’t failures just because there is some untapped potential in there!

And lastly, the Holy Spirit. I mean, really. Who do I think I am feeling frustrated that I haven’t done more, been more? I am NOTHING! I am whatever the indwelling Jesus–the Holy Spirit–wants me to be! I do whatever the indwelling Jesus–the Holy Spirit–wants me to do! Unless I am living in known sin, do I really think I can surpass what my friend HS wants to do and be in and through me? What a relief to be free and let the Holy Spirit really have control. To be aware of His presence. To see HIM produce HIS fruit in me. To see HIM change me and make more more like Jesus (which mainly looks like me learning humility as I mess up and apologize 10,000 times).

We can accept our selves and our lives as they are as we stay in connection with Him because He is big enough and good enough to lead us if and when it is time. Our life is not a frantic race to do things for God. It is a daily opportunity to be loved, love the Lord and others, and live in specific obedience.

No regrets!

 

 

 

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No Longer Orphans…but Daughters

One of the most wonderful things God has shown me this year is the peace enveloped in the privilege of being His daughter.

 

If I had to say what I long for the very most as a mother it would be that my daughters would have victory over any barriers that would keep them from reveling in the love and protection their family and their Heavenly Father provides them. I know that was a mouthful of a sentence there, but the reality is that adopted children often have a very hard time truly relaxing in the simple gift of love. Their hard past makes it a little (or even a lot) complicated to enjoy all that they now have.

 

And doesn’t that sound a little like me and you, too?

 

This summer the Lord allowed me to swallow a seed and it’s been growing…the seed of confidence that what He says about my being related to Him really is true! Let me share an excerpt from my journal…I’ve been waiting for just the right time.

 

(I wrote the following on June 26, 2015, in Haiti, after listening to Melissa’s Story, a podcast from Jonathan and Melissa Helser)

 

“This is the day God delivered me from a spirit of fear and made me to really understand what was standing in the way of my joy and peace. I was living from an orphan’s heart, a heart full of disappointments and fear of more, a heart of distrust. I was a daughter of the King I just wasn’t letting my heart feel and my mind think from that status. I thought and felt and acted like an orphan just not quite believing God was good. It’s the great lie whispered in every tragedy: God is not good.
When a child doesn’t trust their parent, all kinds of mental and emotional problems happen, and when that parent is actually wonderful, what a sad story that the child would miss out on enjoying that stability they could have had.
 I decided I would not waste another minute of my life consciously doubting whether or not God was good.
If He loved me, and adopted me, it was time to let that carry its full weight and set me free. No more saying I believe it but it having no real effect on my feelings of dread.
This is the happiness of the believer–to let go of how your life has to be and ENJOY being His beloved, highly favored, cherished child, whatever He decides that should look like!
I’m ALL IN. I’m tired of being a worry wart. I’m tired of wondering if He’s good or if He makes mistakes. I need my Abba and I’m choosing to trust Him and know I’m not forgotten…know He is coming back for me, know He never stops thinking about me, know He weeps when I weep and rejoices when I rejoice, know He can see and orchestrate things in the future that I can’t comprehend, know He really is good and He really does love me, know I can be little me because He is Who He Is. If I know all of that, and I can honestly say that I do, then regardless of what He allows me to face, I really do not have anything to fear because He is the One Thing I must not–but could never–lose.
And every single sentence I just said about ME choosing to dwell with God AS A DAUGHTER NOT AN ORPHAN is happening before my very eyes in the seen realm…what will it take for these little girls to know they are no longer orphans? That there’s a room prepared for them like they’ve never imagined? That everyday half a dozen grandparents are whispering their names to the God they entrust their beloveds to? That their place at the table sits open and ready and no one else can fill it but them? That I dream of snuggling under covers and eating ice cream and helping them find their callings and really knowing them like only family does?
They don’t know these things…yet. It’s just words to them right now. And it really will take faith for them to believe it. And it really will take faith for me to believe He is speaking these same beautiful thoughts over me. I’m no longer an orphan; I’m in. Not even as a slave or a worker bee, but a precious child. There’s a room prepared, and a life to live until then carefully planned as well. In Heaven, the cloud of witnesses spur me on, the Holy Spirit intercedes with groans words cannot express on my behalf, and Jesus Himself, my dearest brother, goes to the Father for me and pray God’s will over my life. He says my name to the Father daily! I’ve a place at that table and His banner over me is love. He loves the story of my life, and revels in knowing me, behind the eyes.
My ability to speak it and write it is sadly inadequate, but just like with me and my Abba, my girls can either trust us and have a happy childhood…or not. They’re not gonna get everything they want or always be happy with us, but they can trust us and have a happy childhood…or not. There will be a huge transition of going from a disappointed, distrusting orphan to a content, relaxed DAUGHTER, but this is my prayer for us both. Healing matters, but you know what it really requires is faith. I’m choosing to accept that seed of daughtership, that seed of confidence to believe He is good, perfect in all of His ways, and worthy of my trust.
I pray that I will never be the same and that I will enjoy and relax and sink deeply into being my Daddy’s girl, and let Him fight my battles, write my story, and meet my needs. I pray I can LIVE that trust, seeing the fruits of joy, peace, security in who I am, and be that example by God’s grace to these girls, until they relax in our arms without a care in the world as all children should.”
I can honestly say in the months since I have truly been changed. Active petition and thanksgiving, with true surrender and excitement about what my Abba will do in His great love for me and others I am praying for, is the scene of my prayer life now. Worry is displaced by the choice to trust Him, and He makes me carefree when I come to Him and am renewed by His Word and truth. Trust has led to surrender, which has led to peace, which has led to joy, which has led to thanksgiving, which has led to having light even on the dark nights. And when I get lost again, it’s trust that I have to go back to. It’s square one.
That seed is the beginning and as Matthew 13 describes, the smallest of seeds can become strong arms, a plentiful home for the birds of the air to find refuge. May it be so in our lives, because the world is full of sparrows, looking to know their worth.
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#HowToBuild: Why We Fast

A couple of months ago, I wrote a short blog series called #HowToBuild, about building ourselves up in our most holy faith. I wrote about being in the Word, prayer, worship, and about the enemy. I cannot even tell you how attacked I was after writing that blog about the enemy! The Lord really did allow Satan to sift me, like I wrote in the most recent blog, about Jesus and Peter. I felt dazed and confused for awhile, knocked down and not knowing what hit me. I came to the Lord and His Word but in every way I just felt unable to concentrate and get anywhere. And because I saw how valuable fasting can be in times like this, when things in the physical realm are unbearable and life in the spiritual realm doesn’t feel like it’s going to be enough, I want to tag on another blog to that series…

Why We Fast.

I went through a time where I didn’t fast often at all, because I couldn’t really remember why it mattered. Honestly! I had this idea in my head that fasting was pretty much like holding my breath until God gave me what I was asking for, like “I’m not going to eat until that person is healed!” Um…I didn’t think that was quite right.

But in the sifting, in the disappointment and fear, it began to be really clear to me by God’s grace that I had to find a way to get more of His truth and power in me. Not only could I not be the wife and mom and witness I wanted to be if I did not have more of His Word and truth and love in me, but I could not survive on the inside, in the place where joy and peace was so desperately needed.

It’s clear to me now that when I am inconsistent in patience and love with my family, really the problem behind this is my inconsistency of coming and being filled by the living Lord Jesus and all His goodness.

That requires time. That requires attention. That requires setting aside escapes. That requires setting aside distractions. So for me, that requires fasting, and personally I fast from things like social media and Netflix because I know that’s where I go when I can’t handle things going on in my life. But what do I really need when I can’t handle things going on in my life, when I’m really hurting? I need Jesus, the same Jesus Mary and Martha cried to when their brother died, the same Jesus who looked with compassion on the masses. I need fellowship with Him and understanding of His parables. I need to know what I can expect from God, what happens when I pray, how to pray! I need to know He loves me, that others have suffered and made it through, and what faith really is! Sure, I’ve heard a lot of it before, but yesterday’s manna is stale. I have to gather, today, my portion.

Fasting is not about getting what we want in our prayer life.

Fasting is not about holding our breath, thinking if we take this drastic measure, He will do what we ask. He’s going to do what we ask if He wants to, I don’t think we have to fast to make it happen. (Maybe I’m wrong?)

Fasting is about prioritizing our spiritual nourishment for the marathon we are in, with great expectation that our inner and outer man will reflect the strength, wisdom, and peace we gain from Him.

Fasting is about feeding the spirit, which sometimes requires starving the flesh. It’s about focusing on the invisible, when we would normally choose the easier route: focusing on what we can see and touch and be quickly comforted by.

I’m at a place in my walk with God where I don’t have exact time frames of fasting, exact goals or beginning or ends, because then it becomes about the outer man, and my own self control. I want fasting to be about gaining a heart of wisdom, a life that chooses Him because I see the bounty there as opposed to what I would end up with if I spent that free time in another way. He wants to set our feet on higher ground, to look at our problems from a platform set up outside of the situation, rather than drowning in waves we can’t get our heads above.

Whatever it takes to get to that place, and stay at that place, oh, Jesus, give us grace to do it!

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Adoption and Finances Update :)

Wow, time flies when you’re having fun! And we certainly have been.  My parents so graciously took us on a trip to Disney and the beach, meeting up with my brother, sister in law, and nephews; our families had a blast together! It was a great kick off to the summer…and I couldn’t help but think that maybe it would be our last trip before we get to go to Haiti? Who knows?

Unknown-1

(A little Haitian child–Not anyone we know just to be clear!)

So, an update is overdue for all of our friends and family who have been praying and giving to our adoption!

First of all, a HUGE thanks to all who gave to the Lifesong for Orphans matching grant; we are so happy to report that over $7,000 was given! $3,500 will be added because of the matching grant, making that whole grant about $11,000. We also received a grant from Show Hope for $6,000. We feel so honored to receive these grants and gifts, and are so grateful for the people who wanted to be a part of this. And of course it is not too late!!! These grants, gifts, one yard sale, teaching lessons, selling CDs, plus the savings that by God’s grace we were able to give back in October when we started our adoption all leads us to…drumroll…about $28,000. (Um, can you believe that!!??) We still will need approximately $22,000 for our fundraising efforts to be complete. We are doing one more yard sale, a Both Hands project, and also a concert/silent auction/meal night this summer or fall.

Anyone who feels led to give can make a tax deductible donation to Lifesong for Orphans, with Taylor Family #4310 on the memo line OR online. Their address is PO Box 40 / Gridley, IL 61744. Their website is www.lifesongfororphans.org. Even though the matching grant is complete, it’s definitely not too late to give, and each dollar is a blessing and a reminder to us that we aren’t alone in this. 🙂 God has called certain ones to walk beside us…Such a gift that is in this step of faith!

Second half of the update–Our dossier was officially accepted by Haiti’s government on February 27, 2014. We are hopeful that our adoption will be completed within two years of that date. Our agency (All Blessings International) and Haiti Coordinator are amazing. We genuinely can relax knowing they are doing a great job advocating for children in Haiti, and doing a great job advocating for us as adoptive parents. It is awesome that Haiti allows input from the agency coordinators and the orphanage directors when it comes to making a match; this allows the best matching possible, because these people know the children the best (and through our home study and phone interviews know us also.) We have asked for one or two kids, 0-6 years old at time of referral, either one girl, two girls, or one boy/one girl. If we get two, one will definitely be younger than Yemi (6 in July) but the other could be her age or even a few months older. We wanted to be as flexible as possible and if we do get two children, they will be siblings.

It’s a long journey ahead but it’s kind of like planting a tree. If you want a shady yard and beautiful thick oak trees, you can’t just transplant them! You have to plant little saplings and take care of them and be patient…The point here is that if you never start the process just because you hate how long it takes, well, don’t expect to ever have those shade trees! 🙂 So the seeds have been planted…and a lot is happening behind the scenes while we wait.

I’m just grateful to BE HERE. I’m grateful, SO grateful, to even be IN the process at all. I’m grateful for our agency and my peace of mind. I’m grateful for God’s heart for the sparrow–and that I get to share in the beating of that heart. I’m grateful for people who say, “Thank you for letting me be a part of this!” That blows us away. We are grateful for you. I know we will get to return the love and support as YOU follow HIS great plans for you.

 

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The Cross

stock-footage-christian-crosses-on-a-hill-at-sunset

I will never, ever, ever, ever stop singing about the Cross.

And let me tell you why.

The Cross was the one act in history that made a sinner like me holy. When Jesus willingly died to pay for my sins and all my failures, rebellion, and just plain lack, the veil between me and my Creator was torn in two. When He laid down His natural born rights of Son for that short time, I was given a robe of righteousness, a seat at the table, a friendship with God. It’s like we swapped places. And why? Because He loved us and wanted to invite us in the family. He called out to the beggars on the street, the ones who had nothing to offer back to Him, which quite frankly is you and me. Jesus obeyed His Father even unto death on a Cross so that His Sonship could exponentially grow, being granted by grace to anyone who would take it.

Sometimes we wake up from a wonderful dream, like a dream where all kinds of problems were solved…but we wake up to reality and realize the turmoil hasn’t been resolved at all.

With the Cross though, the story is true. Our debts really are paid. Our prayers really are heard. Our Father really does see us as sons and daughters. Our Brother really did give His life for us. Eternity in Heaven really does await. The Spirit really does comfort, teach, and remain in us for every minute of every day that we will recognize His presence. The goodness is real. Our minds and bodies and emotions have trouble reveling in it, it seems, but that doesn’t remove the reality that the goodness of the Cross is real.

I need the Cross, friends. I am a mess! There have been times in my walk with God where I didn’t think of myself as a mess much; I thought of myself as quite a good little worker bee for Jesus. I knew I was saved by grace and not works, but being the independent, ambitious person I am, my focus was more on myself and what I was doing for the Kingdom than on the Cross and my extreme gratefulness for it. (So sorry to whoever was around me those days!)

But by His grace, He relieved me of my pride and confusion.

I’ll never forget the day–Selah was about six weeks old–I was an exhausted, burnt-crispy minister mess. I remember saying to God, “You know what? I have been serving You so much, and it feels like I am never going to get where You want me to be and do all I think I’m supposed to do. I give up!!” I had planned to be a full time missionary and that had fallen through. I was serving in various ways at church, but having a newborn baby and a chronic illness that very few people seemed to understand (or have compassion about) was making me literally unable to do anything for anyone outside my home. I felt like a complete failure for the Lord. I hadn’t even considered giving up being who I thought He wanted me to be for Him…but when the thought crossed my mind, it sounded so good. To finally not expect the impossible out of myself! I’ll never forget that moment.

This is going to sound funny and weird, but I actually said to Him, “I give up trying to be on Your special team of people You call to do Your work. I don’t know what that means for my future and all I thought You said we were going to do, but I give up trying. I trust that You have forgiven my sins and love me, and that’s all I’m going to worry about right now. I’m letting go of all that other stuff.”

I feel like God breathed a sigh of relief, because I finally got it. I didn’t know as I prayed that prayer that I was “getting it”, not at all actually. I was heartbroken. I was saying goodbye to an entire way of life, really the only way I knew to be. But I was saying hello, automatically, to being Mary weeping at her Lord’s feet, just saying thank you for taking someone so unhelpful and so unworthy. When we become ruins, it really is a gift. I am convinced that being a Christian is mainly about receiving. Any giving is because we first received anyway.

As my kids are older and I feel better most of the time, the Lord has allowed me to “minister” again, but it doesn’t mean to me what it used to and it is powered by thankfulness for the Cross.  I live in ruins, I live in knowing I can’t do it, I live in giving up trying to be something awesome– and I pray that transparency and weakness simply gives Christ room to shine through.

The Cross. It’s always there, when everything else falls apart and when we don’t know anything else for sure. We can always come back to the Cross.

 

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Truth #1

healthy-living-woman

Well, first, I’ll start with the lie…that’s how it usually begins for me, anyway.

We’re trucking along, doing our thing, and a lie begins. Someone says it, a tv show alludes to it, whatever. But there it is. And subconsciously, we begin to think we’re abnormal or missing out if we ourselves don’t go along with that suggestion. And in this case, since this is a blog about nutrition and even more so about the freedom to be well, I’m talking about lies that take us ever so subtly off the good path of healthy eating and exercise that we were walking.

So Lie #1, have you ever let this one get to you? Is this familiar at all? It sure is to me.

“You’re not under the law. God wouldn’t have you under strict rules about eating, that’s ridiculous.”

Don’t you love it when a lie has just enough truth in it to trip you up?

So here’s Truth #1 to counteract that lie:

“God loves us enough to give us boundary lines, yes, restrictions, yes, rules, and sure, call it law if you want. But just like laws keep us safe when we obey them, having clear cut boundaries about eating unhealthy foods or over eating or something even more specific are ultimately for our reward and freedom. God is a good parent. He disciplines those He loves. He cares about us: soul, mind, and body.”

This is a hard path. I want to do what I want, eat what I want, live willy-nilly. But you know what? I hate the results of that. There are too many reality moments, too many mornings-after, and those hurt. Here’s the deal: We can’t have it both ways. We will reap what we sow, period. We can’t have the freedom to be well, the rewards of wise eating, without submitting to the boundaries long-term.

Everyone has different boundaries, and you don’t need me or anyone telling you what yours ought to be. But we can come together on this truth, wherever you are in your journey to wellness. If the doctor, or your own research, or the Lord as your Wonderful Counselor has shared with you a better way for a better life, it will include boundaries and it will not feel fair. There may be some kicking and screaming and even some disobedience. We’re children, we’re sheep, He knows. But the sooner we get on board, the better, for us.

So don’t let anyone tell you that you’re missing out on fun or that “it couldn’t be God telling you what to eat or not eat” when you are sticking to a commitment you have chosen to make…or at least, don’t let it get to you! Let the Lord bless you with these Fatherly boundaries He cared enough to guide you to make and when the going gets rough, be ready to combat this lie with TRUTH!

God is crazy in love with us, regardless of what choices we make. (Thank You, JESUS!!) But He often sees our suffering, that we have brought upon ourselves, and says, “If you want to be free, here’s how to do it.” We so quickly forget that this is how the boundaries began in the first place…they were birthed out of necessity, His intimate knowledge of our personal struggles, and out of His great love for us.