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Freedom, Day Three: No More Performing

Satan’s favorite mantra in my head lately is: “You can’t do this much longer.” (Ugh! Isn’t he awful??)

But maybe he’s just a little bit right, as he usually is. Just a little bit right, like bait on a hook.

I certainly can’t do life much longer like this.

I have been so desperate lately. I’m overwhelmed by the mental and emotional fatigue of my life, of the past twenty years really. Maybe you are, too. I certainly don’t have the hardest life around. But the relationship struggles, church “stuff”, adoption journeys, illnesses, homeschooling, commitments outside my home, and four children’s needs have affected me through and through. I do believe most of these things have been specific obedience to the Lord and not just random ministry–but somehow I feel like I just don’t have the stamina to keep up with it all, to do it all. Sure, I am supposed to serve with the strength God provides, but how do I know when that strength is going to be sapped all of a sudden in the middle of a commitment? It’s not easy or clear. I have learned to rely on the Lord, yet sometimes I wonder if it was really just me pushing through like I have learned for so many years to do. Just real thoughts from my soul here, friends.

 

Today as I was reading the book Nothing to Prove by Jennie Allen (get this book!) God gave me one sentence to cling to…one ray of hope and understanding and vision. Spiritual Alzheimer’s be darned, I must remember this:

I am free to stop performing and just love.

Okay, how does this change my life? What’s the big deal? How does that solve fatigue in my soul?

Just this: I am called to love people, not perform for them.

In every capacity– Mom, Wife, Teacher, Friend, Co-laborer of the Gospel, Daughter, Daughter-in-law, Child of God–I smile when I think of how to love the people I am in relationship with, but I cringe when I think I need to please them, make them think I’m great, maintain a reputation, make a good impression, keep them from criticizing me, judging me, or talking badly about me. That’s making relationships a performance where we’re not allowed to mess up. It’s a prison, and it’s awful. But God wants to give us the confidence to acknowledge that we will not be perfect for these people nor do we need to be, and to play an entirely different role in their lives, as well as know deep down that we don’t need those people to always be happy with us. God wants to set us free to receive correction if needed, to be brave to handle conflicts that may arise from each others’ imperfections, and to forgive and be forgiven, not live in fear of these interactions. We are allowed to mess up, because life is not a performance.

So here’s the opposite of that performance driven life: Love.

Love means I’m not saying or doing things based on how I hope you’ll respond or think of me.

Love means I give what God leads me to give in our relationship, not what I think you expect from me, and not to get anything in return.

Love means I’m thinking of you and your soul right now, not myself, my inadequacy, my awkwardness.

Love means I care about you, but I choose to not worry about you and your choices, because it is your life and I have my own to lead.

We are called to live a life of love (Ephesians 5:2) not a life of collecting friends, attempting to control responses of others, and have nice things said about us. I really don’t have time or emotional space to keep searching for the affect of my love…only to live with a vague guilt about everything I’ve said and wondering constantly how I’m measuring up.

I am free to stop performing in this life, and just love, unaware of who is watching.

 

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Freedom, Day One: Balance

So, really quickly, I’ll start by saying about a year ago, the Lord really began speaking to me about freedom–how there is so much freedom He wants to give for my life but I had to take hold of it for myself! I had to face areas I was struggling in (I was amazed at how many there were when I really sat down and thought about it) and I had to hear His truth that wanted to set me free.

What I’d like to do in this “blog series” is share my specific “pillars of freedom”. I’m so excited to know these truths and seek to remind myself of them when I’m feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or confined. Anybody out there ever need just one sentence to hang onto, for real? Well, here we go with the first one I scribbled down as this process began:

“I am free to mess up in my search for balance.”

AAH! Thank You, Lord! We are free to mess up in our search for balance. Whether it’s trying to eat healthy or not spread yourself too thin amongst work and home, friends and family, the takers and the givers in your life, balance is so incredibly hard. You want to go with your gut feeling sometimes instead of your to-do list. You want to live on the wild side (get that tattoo, spend that money, eat that cake for the love!) but you also want to not freak people out, actually have money, and lose a few pounds by this darn particular date!

My big balance issue has to do with being a tired introvert and genuinely, desperately, needing time alone to think, sleep, be quiet, read, write, sing, be. But I am a homeschooling mom of four and my husband is an extrovert (of course!) Just when I’m done teaching, putting out emotional fires and making the 33rd meal of the day (or is it just 3? Really??), there’s always more…and I love it all, I love them all, but in the end, I may have 1.5 hours a day to myself, which is used for the most part for self-care necessities. And that’s great, I’m lucky to have that. But the balance, for me, is off.

And while we are working on it, there is freedom to get it wrong. To go too far one way. To even fall on the tightrope altogether. It’s not crazy to take (literal) notes about what worked in a particular week’s search for balance, and journal about what did not. We must evolve and learn as we sink and swim. But man, doesn’t it feel good to take the guilt away when we don’t get it right? The lack of balance is a life-sucker, but the guilt about not being able to figure it out is even more of one.

God came to set us free from guilt, shame, and condemnation. Are you becoming more like Jesus in your days, even if you don’t please everyone’s expectations or even your own? Are you growing in connection with Him and seeing some fruit of the Spirit? THIS is what life is about–not some perfect balance!

We are free to mess up in our search for balance.

Thank You, Lord.

 

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So Much Freedom

A word that God continues to bring me back to this year is Freedom. Oh, I long to grasp what He is trying to give me! He is saying, “Lyndsay, there is so much freedom.”

Freedom from guilt. I struggle so much with guilt, and it is not from the Lord! Conviction, specific conviction, is from the Lord, but not guilt. Some of the things I feel guilty about is not having time for people outside of my home, like extended family, old friends, all the way to people around the world. This weighs heavily on me and God is calling me to just look to Him and trust HIM to give me opportunity to serve them when HE leads, not just because I feel a tug. I can’t give more than I actually have. I also struggle with guilt about not finding balance. With my health conditions, I really must eat well, sleep a lot, handle stress with prayer, yoga, exercise, and just keep a pretty regular routine. It’s frustrating to get sick and think it’s my fault, when I simply ate some sweets at a party (ok, several parties…Christmas is hard! Vacation is hard! Weekends are hard!)  I know the Lord is telling me that I need to operate from a heart of desiring wisdom, not rules or perfection or feeling trapped. He can work through me even when I’m down and out, but He gives me the freedom to choose a better way. He even gives me the freedom to choose joy and peace if I am sick. He gives me freedom to forgive myself and start again.

Also, another big one is freedom from fear. I have always thought of myself as fearless because I do it whether I’m afraid or not. My faith, because of God’s real presence in my life, has always been greater than my fear. Going to live in other countries alone, getting on stages, I wasn’t raised to do that! It doesn’t come naturally. But my purpose is stronger than my feelings. But fear comes in other forms. Like fear of disappointing people I love, fear that I won’t live up to the potential God wanted for me, and fear that I will forget and be left without valuable truths I’ve learned and priorities I have been given, beautiful memories and seasons of life. These are real fears! I am not strong enough to combat them on my own. But still God is saying, “Lyndsay, there is so much freedom.” He doesn’t want me focusing so hard on myself nor does He want me focusing on what may happen later. He gives us freedom regarding what we choose to focus on, isn’t that awesome?! He wants to set me free from trying to control what does or doesn’t happen to me and those I love. The more I trust Him, the less concerned I will be because my eyes are on who He is and on obeying Him in this moment. When your good Father is also your King, there is peace should you choose to accept it! And all we really have to give Him is this moment, right?

I think freedom comes when we let go of what we thought we had to have–to be happy, to be good, to be loved, to live a purposeful life–and we embrace that there is only One thing we actually are promised, only One thing we can keep in life and in death, and it’s not our family, our potential, our wise choices, or our legacy…it is the love of God. I am wrecked by the love of God! When I let it hit me, when I let that wave of His great love and mercy hit me, I can’t even see anything else. Even if all the guilts and fears and other issues were true and actually happened, I’d still be here, lost in the wave of His undying affection for me. It doesn’t mean we never think about anything or anyone else, it just means once His love takes the place in our lives that it deserves, everything else falls into lesser categories.

That is so much freedom.

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#HowToBuild: Standing Your Ground

One of my favorite shows used to be ALIAS! Awesome music, Jennifer Garner kicking butt and saving the world, and of course I can’t leave out it was one of the first shows where the writers decided it’s not really necessary to leave a dead person dead! So an important character dies, but somehow they are back in Season 4. Love it! But anyway…

On that show, there was an evil man named Alvin Sloane. Time after time, he was always showing up with manipulation and just enough truth to get his lies accepted by his co-workers. Mr. Sloane wasn’t genuinely trusted by the third season or so, but there were times the CIA needed to use his expertise anyway and he would be in the brainstorming room giving suggestions. In one particular scene, they were discussing a problem and he piped in with his suggestion rather strongly, and the heroine, Sydney Bristow, who especially was aware of his ability to trick people, said: “Excuse me, you have no authority in this room.”

Remember that.

We are waking up every morning to an opportunity to walk in the flesh or walk in the Spirit, right? Like it or not, and actually even believe it or not, we are also waking up to the presence of both light and darkness, Jesus and the enemy of our souls. If we are in Christ, we have His presence around us and His Spirit within us. We can awaken to it and acknowledge it, by worshipping, digesting His Word, praying…or we can do nothing and sink deeper into the flesh, which is more Satan’s playground than we like to think.

He’s having a blast wreaking havoc in us and around us when we have chosen to stay in the flesh, yet he never actually had the authority to do that. He does it simply because we didn’t tell him not to. We have to stand our ground.

It may look like a sudden sense of confusion, or a sudden line of thinking that brings you back to an old habit or addiction. It may be frustration and anger that just takes you by surprise, and you can’t believe you’re feeling and acting so ugly. It may be a habitual thing or an acute thing, but it’s negative, harsh, unforgiving, or fear-filled.

In those moments, I don’t always realize it is the enemy. And of course, sometimes it isn’t directly the enemy. Sometimes we have a process to work through to get where we need to be emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. But thank God, it’s not always a big long process! Sometimes it’s just as simple as recognizing what is going on. Whether someone is coming at us with one of these negative, irrational, overreacting emotions or we feel it rise up in ourselves, we are the ones with the authority in the situation, not the enemy. The name of Jesus makes the enemy flee! He can’t fill us, he can’t control us, and he knows it. He can only make suggestions that turn to thoughts that turn to feelings that turn to words and actions and habits and sin!!! We must know his schemes but also his gaping weaknesses.

Speaking, singing, and praising the name of Jesus makes the grip of the spirit of fear, confusion, bitterness, unforgiveness, laziness, lust, and anger loosen. We don’t have to stay in that place, abused and oppressed. With the knowledge that “greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4) and the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) we can know our place of authority over the enemy.

Here are some further scriptures on this, and just in writing this, I am so spurred on to ask the Holy Spirit to help me be aware when evil, un-peaceful, and divisive spirits are at work so that I can choose to not go along with them. We need a new normal, brothers and sisters in Christ, and that new normal is recognizing what is going on in the unseen and standing our God-given ground!

Ephesians 4:17-5:21

Colossians 2:13-15

James 4:7-8

1 Peter 5:6-11

Matthew 4:1-11

 

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Curbing Sugar Cravings

I’m thankful to say I have never used drugs or alcohol, but sugar (especially combined with wheat/flours) is powerfully addicting, too! In the same way that these dangerous substances can make a person feel like they have no power to stop using and consuming them, sugar has the same effect. You can hate yourself for sticking another cookie in your mouth, yet actually keep doing it. “Why are you hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself”, I hear Satan chanting! Realizing it’s addictive is an important step, and knowing also that sheer willpower isn’t enough for most people, is quite liberating.

So what are some things that help- some things beyond just knowing what you’re supposed to eat and not eat and hanging onto those facts for dear life? Here are some ideas that help me…most of the time 🙂 Also, before I get into this, I want to say that I think eating sweets with friends and family some times is a good thing. This post is for people like me who struggle with eating too much, or alone, or too often. So here we go, some choices that may PREVENT STRUGGLE and DEFEAT:

1) Prayer– Duh, right? But seriously, if you want to live in freedom from ANY addiction, you need God on your side…and He IS. But sometimes we need to stop, look up, and let ourselves sink into His presence. All of a sudden we realize we are not alone, and maybe He’ll even give us the presence of mind to see past the moment into the rewards that wait for making the right choice. Any goal we make for ourselves, any desire God has put in us for wisdom and freedom, will require starting each day asking Him for help and humbling acknowledging that when stressful events come, You will need His help.

2) Self-Talk– Take some time to think through the conversation that you have with yourself right before digging into something you didn’t plan on eating and wish you didn’t want. What are you saying? Is it “I deserve this” or “I’ll just have one”? Is it “I have no choice, it’s here, and I know myself well enough to know I’ll eat it eventually anyway” or “I’ve already messed up today so I may as well go ahead and have all I want”? Figure out what dumb lies you are feeding yourself  and have a response of truth! For example, if it’s “I’ve had a hard day, I deserve this”, your response would be: “What I really deserve is something that will make me feel great, a gift to my tired body, not something that will make me feel worse both physically and emotionally!” And then give yourself that–a hot bath, or pencil in movie night that night, or check off days on a calendar that you go without sweets and when you get to 30, go buy yourself something! Be kind to yourself…Snickers bars are NOT kind.

3) Breakfast: Don’t skip breakfast, ever, and make sure it is protein packed and very little carbs. I don’t even eat fruit at breakfast. Keeping the sugary taste out of my mouth is crucial to me in the morning.

4) No refined carbs: Breads, buns, tortilla chips, potato chips,  gluten free or not, will turn around and make you crave sugar. I think fruit, potatoes, brown/long grain rice, quinoa, etc are fine personally. They are unrefined carbs and I kinda feel like if God gave them to us, then they’re good…but I understand that’s up for debate! If those unrefined carbs make you crave sugar, then go for awhile without eating them and see how you feel. I genuinely don’t recommend going carb-free, but just having one or two small servings a day of unrefined carbs.  If you go carb-free, there are some physical repercussions to your kidneys and if you go back to carbs at some point, your weight will come back so quickly. 🙁

5) Exercise: Exercise makes you feel great; endorphins are sweet! And when you have exercised, you are less likely to “mess it up” with doing something bad for yourself like eating sweets!

6) Plan: For most people, they are not going to want to say, “I will never eat this or that again.” Maybe it’s a good idea to pick out some events and holidays that you will have sweets, and when you have cravings just remind yourself that you will have the chance to have your very favorites then. We are big kids…we can do the delayed gratification thing!

7) Sleep: Get plenty of sleep, friends!!! That gives us automatic presence of mind to not do, eat, and say thoughtless things. Also, the hormones that are excreted in large amounts when we’re tired are dangerously similar to hormones that make us feel hungry. We usually can’t feel the difference and consume extra calories when we really just needed sleep.

I am convinced that you have to personally believe the facts you have read about sugar to make a difference, and you have to make changes in your lifestyle to ward off disaster instead of always picking up the pieces! But no one can do it for you, it’s an internal thing…a change from the inside out, because you really want freedom and better health.

Let’s Journey as Well as we can!! That’s being a good steward of what we’ve been given!

 

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A New Year!

IMG_1096

I love the new year!! Even though winter isn’t my favorite time, I really love starting a new year of possibilities and ideas. My daughters will turn 9 and 6 this year; that I cannot believe!! My husband and I are going on an awesome trip, a gift from a loved one…a very loved one, haha! My best friend is having a baby. There are some other exciting things happening, too, that I’ll blog about in the months to come.

Along with the new year comes…drum roll…resolutions! I can’t say that I really have any resolutions this year, just some direction on what I want to make sure I focus on. And one of the things on my list of course is wellness. I lost 20 lbs in 2013 by going essentially wheat and sugar free, and I am so thankful! I want to keep that going, and possibly lose a few more.

I’ve been talking with people lately who would like to get started on a real-life plan such as what, by God’s grace, I did last year, and I have a few suggestions–nothing I haven’t blogged before, but here we go:

1-BASIC: Exercise 15 min a day. If I can’t get up and do it in the morning, I try to squeeze it in before dinner or even do yoga before bed. My favorite exercise is lifting weights, walking, and yoga. I think exercising almost every day is better than long hard workouts 3 x a week.

2-GETTING STARTED: Compile a list of why you’d want to go off of sugar and wheat. Do some research and see what it is doing to your body. Eventually, you’ll look at bread and think, “Hmm…white, puffy, I don’t want to look like that…or feel that heaviness in my tummy either.” There are dozens of reasons to go off this stuff but you have to find the ones that resonate with YOU. I don’t eat wheat because I know I can keep my weight steady by not eating, because when I got off of it I stopped having any acid reflux (within 6-8 weeks), and because my digestive system is so much happier, just believe me. I don’t eat sugar except on special preplanned occasions with friends and family because it steals my vitamins, overloads the work of my pancreas and adrenals, gives me infections, makes me want more and struggle with self control issues, makes me gain weight, puts a tire around my middle, and keeps me from living in the victory of health and clarity God has for me. Other people go off meat or dairy for these same reasons. How do these foods physically make you feel? You get to choose to stop eating them if you don’t like the way your body reacts! If you believe in your reasons, even if you mess up, you’ll keep going back to what is best for you. You have to take care of yourself!

3-HOW TO: Get an accountability partner or group, and tell them your intentions. Make a commitment to let them know when you went off track. Get junk out of your house. Have lots of good food you do like in the house, always have an alternative to fill the void of foods you are eliminating. Also, learn your triggers and try to work ways around them. Decide a date you can have what you want, for example a summer vacation. Chances are, after eating poorly for a day you will be craving how you were feeling before. One more thing, know those scripts you tell yourself, like, “Well, I may as well eat that, because I didn’t have time to exercise today anyway so it’s just a bad day overall” OR “I can have that because I worked out so hard” OR “I deserve this! I’m a free woman!” The fact is: Freedom is being in control of yourself and reaping the benefits.

 

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Truth #1

healthy-living-woman

Well, first, I’ll start with the lie…that’s how it usually begins for me, anyway.

We’re trucking along, doing our thing, and a lie begins. Someone says it, a tv show alludes to it, whatever. But there it is. And subconsciously, we begin to think we’re abnormal or missing out if we ourselves don’t go along with that suggestion. And in this case, since this is a blog about nutrition and even more so about the freedom to be well, I’m talking about lies that take us ever so subtly off the good path of healthy eating and exercise that we were walking.

So Lie #1, have you ever let this one get to you? Is this familiar at all? It sure is to me.

“You’re not under the law. God wouldn’t have you under strict rules about eating, that’s ridiculous.”

Don’t you love it when a lie has just enough truth in it to trip you up?

So here’s Truth #1 to counteract that lie:

“God loves us enough to give us boundary lines, yes, restrictions, yes, rules, and sure, call it law if you want. But just like laws keep us safe when we obey them, having clear cut boundaries about eating unhealthy foods or over eating or something even more specific are ultimately for our reward and freedom. God is a good parent. He disciplines those He loves. He cares about us: soul, mind, and body.”

This is a hard path. I want to do what I want, eat what I want, live willy-nilly. But you know what? I hate the results of that. There are too many reality moments, too many mornings-after, and those hurt. Here’s the deal: We can’t have it both ways. We will reap what we sow, period. We can’t have the freedom to be well, the rewards of wise eating, without submitting to the boundaries long-term.

Everyone has different boundaries, and you don’t need me or anyone telling you what yours ought to be. But we can come together on this truth, wherever you are in your journey to wellness. If the doctor, or your own research, or the Lord as your Wonderful Counselor has shared with you a better way for a better life, it will include boundaries and it will not feel fair. There may be some kicking and screaming and even some disobedience. We’re children, we’re sheep, He knows. But the sooner we get on board, the better, for us.

So don’t let anyone tell you that you’re missing out on fun or that “it couldn’t be God telling you what to eat or not eat” when you are sticking to a commitment you have chosen to make…or at least, don’t let it get to you! Let the Lord bless you with these Fatherly boundaries He cared enough to guide you to make and when the going gets rough, be ready to combat this lie with TRUTH!

God is crazy in love with us, regardless of what choices we make. (Thank You, JESUS!!) But He often sees our suffering, that we have brought upon ourselves, and says, “If you want to be free, here’s how to do it.” We so quickly forget that this is how the boundaries began in the first place…they were birthed out of necessity, His intimate knowledge of our personal struggles, and out of His great love for us.