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How To Deal Now

It’s easy to write about God’s faithfulness after the battle is won, isn’t it? But what about when you’re in the middle of it? What about when all you can see is how you feel and how you’re messing up and what you wish you could handle better? What about when you don’t see what God could possibly be doing? What about when you’re torn between caring about your own mess and a much bigger mess worldwide?

The wars in Ethiopia, Ukraine, and Israel do the same thing to our psyche as the pandemic: they make us see what was always true, that nothing is sure and our control is an illusion and our normal daily life is a GIFT. All of that, the tension of these sentences, is a trap laden with guilt, fear, and a sense of responsibility. We struggle to have room for pain, loss, and processing in our lives but we are desperate for that space. We struggle to make room for prayer, too; we have never been more desperate and in need of being with the One who holds it all in His hands, Who grieves, Who sees the big picture, Who also speaks and leads, comforts and dwells with the lowest!

Would you agree that we as a culture, at least here in North America, do not know how to cope with disturbance and distress?

We are frustrated, saddened, and inconvenienced by our own struggles and others’ as well. The need either wakes us up or makes us want to hide in bed. We sometimes grab onto coping mechanisms or notice more erratic thoughts and behaviors because a sense of “I don’t know what even matters anymore” takes over. (And our teens and the next gen are feeling this even more than we are.)

But thank God, after painting that picture of my real internal struggle, I do actually have something positive to say here, brothers and sisters! I want to share some practices that are helping me live where I am in the moment, in gratitude and connection to God, but also allowing deep caring of which we all want to be capable.

1- We must acknowledge and accept that tragedies, and our inability to do a lot about them, are having an effect on our body and mind. We need to notice when thoughts like “you shouldn’t feel this way” or “your stuff isn’t even that bad” run through our minds. We have to accept weakness, accept that we don’t love how we feel, accept that struggles are affecting us, and also accept that we cannot fully fix what is broken about ourselves or others’ situations. It’s ok. We accept our place. We calm; we choose to be still and know that HE is God.

2- We bring our real self to Jesus. Why do we think we need to be strong all the time? Why?-when the very gospel is grace! Apply that grace to every shortcoming and everything about yourself that you wish was more or better or enough. Apply that grace to every soul around the world today, knowing that when they call on God in whatever language, whatever tongue, they will feel His presence! Hallelujah! Grace upon grace! It is ours and theirs in Christ Jesus. He delights in our receiving it way more than He would delight in our striving to not need grace! He is the Strong one; we are allowed to be shaky, unsettled, needy. Matt. 11:28-Come to Me, all you who are weary and I will give you rest. We can bring our sadness to Jesus as well as our weakness; we can bring our anger, our fears, and our numbness, too. He can truly and completely handle it. He loves His children, He loves us all.

3- We need to get the heck off of social media, constant news, talking heads, and video reports, as well as just brain-numbing scrolling through things that don’t matter. There are news sources to grab basic info: we can use them for that purpose and then stay off our phones or use our phones to connect to people we know and love! Take a break from the normal places you scroll or at least minimize it to one or two 30-min blocks a day and spend time with people in your home, church, neighborhood, and community.

4- I am going to get out my smallest Bible and carry it around instead of my phone. I’m not kidding. From what I hear and internally feel, if there was ever a time to do this, it is now. Our rock solid Hope is in Jesus and His Words, but if we aren’t dwelling on them, it’s a gold mine buried underground! We need to be changing the reel in our mind with His truth. His Word is the antidote to fear, guilt, and chaos. He tells us what matters and why. His Word narrows things down and simplifies what we are to be focused on and fighting for.

5- We really must pray, not just talk about or think about praying. Really do cast your cares and others’ cares on the Lord, really do raise your voices, knowing He hears. Really do intercede on behalf of brothers and sisters around the world. Really do read prayer emails from boots on the ground ministries (like Global Catalytic, City Serve, Embracing Hope Ethiopia, and so many more). Really do spend time talking to Father God, knowing Brother Jesus intercedes on our behalf and Holy Spirit leads, guides, comforts, and sends.

6- This one will sound a little shocking (if you know me well) but I’m going to say it: Enjoy your life. We have got to enjoy our lives! We do not need to buy more or do more, we need to enjoy what we have and be thankful and content. But what resources and assets do you have right now that you don’t even enjoy? People, games, art supplies, time, skills; don’t feel guilty to LIVE. God has you where you are. Right now, whatever we have, whoever we are with, let’s enjoy them. Let’s thank God for them. Let’s be generous and grateful. Let’s show the greatest respect for mankind that we can, and that is to celebrate freedom and the dignity of human life, living an example of contentment and gratitude and painting a picture of how it should be in a safe and loving world.

7- Let’s make sure to ask God how He wants us to give. Not if, but how, when, where, and to whom. “It’s Your’s, God, where shall I send it? I’m Your’s, God, where shall You send me? Make me a vessel of Your love and light, Lord. I lay all that I am before You, for such a time as this. I am not much but what I am is Your’s. Live through me.”

8- Praise the Lord, let His praise be on our lips regardless of our feelings or a dark cloud we may feel we are under. It’s ok and normal to feel like we are carrying a grief, shaken by things we don’t understand or aren’t even experiencing ourselves!! It is normal to feel off, tired, sad, out of it…and while we accept that, bring that to the Lord, stay in the Word (rather than constant barrage of the world), pray, and give, we also choose to lift Him high. When we praise Him, we are changed and I believe when we praise Him, things change!!! Pound the enemy with the praise of King Jesus who WILL COME AGAIN, who does see and hear and act, and who is present on the scene.

This is my hope for every human heart. That the same God who comforts and conforms me is available to ALL who will call on Him in their darkest night.

It’s okay to admit the night is dark and that we are affected greatly by it. It’s okay to not feel or be awesome in the shaking. Why? Because it was never our faithfulness or work or ability on display-it was God’s.

God is faithful. GOD is faithful! And He always will be.


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The Roots of Control

I was going to write about something different today- I actually have a series up my sleeve- but in my Bible Study this morning, another issue sprang up that I really want to talk about from seriously personal experience.

And that topic is CONTROL.

“Controlling people” may or may not know this about themselves, but what they/we truly need is safety. They have some unresolved pain, fear, and sense of responsibility they may not know how to satisfy. They need assurance and clarity. They need encouragement and peace. They need to learn again to trust. They need to know they aren’t all alone up there keeping the world together.

We become controlling when we live out of a place of fear for too long, fear that settles in when we feel like no one is leading well and no one is meeting needs well and one day we wake up and we hate where we are. Subconsciously or right-out-loud, we say, “This is changing here and now, and I’m going to make it happen my way!” Sometimes this leads to healthy assertion, and sometimes it leads to trying to control things and people that are simply not our’s to manage. When this happens, there will almost always be anger as a result. If anger is turned outward, we know what that looks like: if anger is turned inward, it becomes depression.

Whether it is “real” fear, like major disruptions of trust and physical/emotional danger, or it is “felt” fear, like being constantly disappointed by someone’s lack of love and help, we develop defense mechanisms to protect ourselves from the memory of that pain as well as future pain.

But just like with all defense mechanisms, love can overcome the need for them! How can we best love people who constantly have to know what’s happening, seem to have to have it their way, or are never truly satisfied?

One, they need to know they aren’t alone. Understanding of how their minds work, communication of plans and ideas, and the reliability of team members can go a long way in being in a great relationship with someone who tends to be controlling. Believe it or not, “controlling people” don’t necessarily want to be in charge and they can handle being led—many are crying out to be led if they can relax and know they can trust their team to talk them through something when worries or questions come up. They might act like they want to be a Lone Ranger, but I don’t buy it. Fear is the driving factor in choosing to be an island.

The second way we can love people who struggle with this is, well, love. Not judging and being irritated by their high strung, frustrated, or critical behaviors will be hard, but we can choose to see behind those sin habits to the frantic person inside. We can help calm and soothe, we can help bring peace to those restless waves, and these behaviors might change quite quickly when those inner needs are addressed. We can also, in love, share the way their behaviors make us feel. We can encourage them with small challenges and insights. While we cannot change anyone, I’m gonna be a hippie here and say I believe in love and its power to change people!

SO. I can relate to both sides of this coin. I have controlling people in my life that I am beginning to see in a new, more compassionate, light. Also, in my fleshly, un-redeemed nature, I grew to be very controlling in my first couple years of marriage because those years felt chaotic after my structured, safe, tightly-held-together childhood and college years. It was a paradigm shift and a new type of relationship I did not have any skills to handle well. I had a strong sense of wanting to do everything in my newly adult life “right”, but felt a power struggle with my husband as his opinions of “right” didn’t always match mine. Also, I had major health problems that made me feel like I was in a power struggle with God!

My first session of counseling, to my remembrance, was with a very insightful woman when I was maybe around 35 years old. After probably starting out our session with a 20 minute personal monologue (verbal processor here!) she said, “So when did you start believing you had to be God?”

I remember feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me…and that I was talking to the right lady.

Control is ultimately fearing that we have this responsibility to do God’s job yet overwhelming pain comes when we realize we are failing. Of course we would be failing; the whole premise is wrong! God alone is God and God alone is good at being God, and we must understand the difference in our roles.

Will we let Him be Lord over every part of our lives or will we keep holding some things very, very close and out of His reach?

Will we trust Him to be Savior for our kids and loved ones, when we know there is nothing else we reasonably and prayerfully should be doing to protect and guide them?

Will we “be still and know that He is God”? (Ps. 46:10)

The possibilities of failure and pain will always be there.

But the pressure we put on ourselves to keep that failure and pain far from our personal doorstep can be relieved.

We can exhale. We can stop living from a place of fear and live from a place of love – knowing God will give us and our loved ones the perfect amount of help from on high when we need it, come what may.

Knowing Who He is gives us the sense of safety we need to bear with one another and dissipate our personal hold on all the things we carry.

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Ps. 94:19

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What Are We Afraid Of

I don’t think it’s always necessary to get answers to have peace.

I’m not sure that an answer is even what our hearts are really craving.

It’s kind of like math.

Just being able to set up the problem correctly means you are 90% there. Just picking out the right formula to use–isn’t that more than half the battle? (And yes, using the word “battle” is totally appropriate when talking about math! Not an exaggeration at all! lol)

So, what are we afraid of?

We are afraid of problems, of bad news, of loved ones going through hard times. We are afraid of messing up or missing out; afraid of someone else messing up or making us miss out. There’s more. Lots more. But ultimately I think we are afraid of pain. Mental, emotional, physical, social…

But what if we were to see that pain isn’t really the most painful thing?

What if we were to see that fear is…

Now we have “set up” our problem correctly.

When pain comes, as believers, we can believe that we will have everything we need to make it through and even become more like Jesus through that trial. As children of God, we can know we will be comforted and held even when the unthinkable happens. We can find purpose, a stronger more fruitful faith, and even remember His promises about all things working out for good. We don’t want pain, and it may still feel unbearable at times, but we see when it happens that we have a refuge and strength we didn’t experience in the easier moments of life. There is grace for it, in good measure. Feeling any negative emotions feels awful, but God created us with the capacity to heal, to sit with sorrow and joy at the same time, and to live again.

Pain is a reality, in every life.

But fear is a different story.

Sometimes pain is a visitor that won’t go away; it just needs to sit with us sometimes, always longer than we would like. Acceptance and time help a lot.

But fear is the enemy and we don’t have to entertain him, not for one minute. Accepting fearful thoughts and beliefs for long periods of time will only build a life of unnecessary pseudo-pain.

What if the children of God were marked by viciously refusing to be worriers at all? Can you even imagine the difference in your life and others you know if we understood that the sin of letting fear and worry run amok in our brains is more of a problem in our lives than the actual real process of facing pain when it visits?

Do we know in Whom we have placed our trust or do we not?

I am so convicted and truly amazed at how setting up the problem more clearly is in itself an answer…

Saint Therese of Lisieux said this:

“I had to pass through many trials before reaching the haven of peace, before tasting the delicious fruits of perfect love and complete abandonment to God’s Will.”

God can have the victory before, during, and after pain.

Be not afraid.

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So Much Freedom

A word that God continues to bring me back to this year is Freedom. Oh, I long to grasp what He is trying to give me! He is saying, “Lyndsay, there is so much freedom.”

Freedom from guilt. I struggle so much with guilt, and it is not from the Lord! Conviction, specific conviction, is from the Lord, but not guilt. Some of the things I feel guilty about is not having time for people outside of my home, like extended family, old friends, all the way to people around the world. This weighs heavily on me and God is calling me to just look to Him and trust HIM to give me opportunity to serve them when HE leads, not just because I feel a tug. I can’t give more than I actually have. I also struggle with guilt about not finding balance. With my health conditions, I really must eat well, sleep a lot, handle stress with prayer, yoga, exercise, and just keep a pretty regular routine. It’s frustrating to get sick and think it’s my fault, when I simply ate some sweets at a party (ok, several parties…Christmas is hard! Vacation is hard! Weekends are hard!)  I know the Lord is telling me that I need to operate from a heart of desiring wisdom, not rules or perfection or feeling trapped. He can work through me even when I’m down and out, but He gives me the freedom to choose a better way. He even gives me the freedom to choose joy and peace if I am sick. He gives me freedom to forgive myself and start again.

Also, another big one is freedom from fear. I have always thought of myself as fearless because I do it whether I’m afraid or not. My faith, because of God’s real presence in my life, has always been greater than my fear. Going to live in other countries alone, getting on stages, I wasn’t raised to do that! It doesn’t come naturally. But my purpose is stronger than my feelings. But fear comes in other forms. Like fear of disappointing people I love, fear that I won’t live up to the potential God wanted for me, and fear that I will forget and be left without valuable truths I’ve learned and priorities I have been given, beautiful memories and seasons of life. These are real fears! I am not strong enough to combat them on my own. But still God is saying, “Lyndsay, there is so much freedom.” He doesn’t want me focusing so hard on myself nor does He want me focusing on what may happen later. He gives us freedom regarding what we choose to focus on, isn’t that awesome?! He wants to set me free from trying to control what does or doesn’t happen to me and those I love. The more I trust Him, the less concerned I will be because my eyes are on who He is and on obeying Him in this moment. When your good Father is also your King, there is peace should you choose to accept it! And all we really have to give Him is this moment, right?

I think freedom comes when we let go of what we thought we had to have–to be happy, to be good, to be loved, to live a purposeful life–and we embrace that there is only One thing we actually are promised, only One thing we can keep in life and in death, and it’s not our family, our potential, our wise choices, or our legacy…it is the love of God. I am wrecked by the love of God! When I let it hit me, when I let that wave of His great love and mercy hit me, I can’t even see anything else. Even if all the guilts and fears and other issues were true and actually happened, I’d still be here, lost in the wave of His undying affection for me. It doesn’t mean we never think about anything or anyone else, it just means once His love takes the place in our lives that it deserves, everything else falls into lesser categories.

That is so much freedom.

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What the Spirit Desires: A Cure for Worry?

All semester I have longed to truly trust God and see the effect of that trust in my feelings. I wanted His peace that everything was going to be okay, but constantly the concerns of my life were on my mind like if I forgot them, He would, too.

Then several weeks ago, this happened. I had no intention of blogging about this, but I kept feeling like I should share. In a nutshell, the Lord said to me:

“Lyndsay, thank you for going to the nations, learning languages, loving and serving your family, and being so concerned about obeying Me with your life. But dear one, I have this one thing against you and you desperately need to hear it. You do not trust Me. You don’t relax under my care and power as a child of Mine would. While you’re physically obeying, you’re worrying. You’re wondering if what “you’re” doing will be enough and if you yourself will be enough for all the problems surrounding you. It’s a shame. I have peace and life for you if you’ll just allow Me to accomplish in your life all I said I would in My way and in My time. You do not need to be or do anything except trust and abide in Me.”

I had to just think on that for awhile and then repent, all the while knowing I could not fix myself. That’s the awesome thing about repentance. It’s not saying, “I agree with You, Lord, I am wrong, and I will do better.” Nope. It’s “I agree with You, Lord, I am wrong, and I am completely bankrupt in every. single. area. of. my. being.” And HE promises to take that heart and make it clean; He also promises to bring solutions by the power of His Spirit once we realize our inability to live His way.

He wants me to live at peace and enjoy life as I follow Him. But how, if this (sadly) doesn’t come as easily as it should?

 

Romans 8:5-17 has our answer. Reading the whole text would be great, but the gist is that our minds can either be controlled by the Spirit or by our natural, sinful nature. 

The things I usually am all in a tizzy about, needing desperately for them to work out soon, are not bad things. They are actually all things that I believe by His Word to be His will. So that led me to skim over this part of Romans 8, because I never realized that my sinful nature can take over even in the midst of daily obedience and doing things HE has led me to do.

My mind constantly on these things working out in my way and my time, adding a smidge of “I better get this right or it’ll all fall apart” made my so-called obedience a big fat adventure in missing the point. Repentance truly was the step to take, not a self help book on worry, and the next step after that was to let God show me how to have a mind ordered by His Spirit.

We can choose at any time to set our minds on what the Spirit desires instead. Let’s get specific if we’re going to do it, right? What does the Spirit desire? Here’s just a short list…

*That we would know the character qualities of God and trust His heart

*That we would know the Word of God as a comfort and a sword

*That we would know and claim personally the specific promises of God for each individual trial we face

*Full surrender in prayer, acknowledging we don’t even know what to ask, and rely on His intercession (Rom. 8:27)

*That we would know how to praise and worship God, being lifted above this realm for healing, relief, and transformation

 

And lastly, back to Romans 8, the Holy Spirit who is such a good friend and wants so much for us in the Lord, He longs for us to know that we did not receive a spirit that makes us a slave again to fear, but we received a spirit of sonship. “And by Him, we cry ‘Abba Father’. The Spirit testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we also may share in His glory.” (verses 15-17)

What are we supposed to set our minds on? What the Spirit desires.

What does the Spirit desire? That we would receive our spirit of sonship!

 

Three out of four of my children were once orphans.

That’s not an easy title to break free from, even after the adoption papers are signed. I can love them, show them my intentions, and care for their needs all day long, and they blossom, and I begin to think Ah, they are beginning to see themselves as daughters! But the moment I say “no”, or even “not now”, I see it in their eyes. They’re orphans again. The trust isn’t there yet. It’s all sight; no faith. It’s every man for himself; this supposed caretaker, this supposed parent, is not what I hoped for because they will not bow down to me and bend at my command!

When we are disappointed with God’s decisions in our lives or when we don’t see His power working quickly enough, we can easily take on a spirit of an orphan–bitter, untrusting, fearful, self-protective, focused on losses, controlling, angry!

No matter what I do for my girls, I cannot make them receive their new status as daughter…but it is still their’s, like a gift all wrapped up, waiting to be opened and enjoyed.

The same is true for us.

It’ll take time for my daughters to trust me enough to relax and go with the flow. It may take years, but I know the first step would be for them to really know me and their dad, and what we’re all about, to be immersed in our heart for them.

For us as believers to truly be just that–believers–we are going to have to know God, get past the little verses taken out of context and truly eat His Word, and get in step with the beat of His heart. We’re going to have to immerse ourselves in His heart for us, which is revealed through His Word, prayer, worship, and community. There’s a “new normal” the Spirit longs for us to embrace!

Right now for me, to abide means (a) to live in a place of knowing my bankruptcy, my inability to be who God is calling me to be and (b) to constantly be filling my eyes, ears, mind, and heart with what the Spirit desires.

I’m the type that needs to know what my job is.

This—abiding—this is my job. And the more I do it, the easier it is to see how very, very well He is doing His.