Forgive me if it feels like you have already read these same thoughts from me before…
I can’t help it.
The amount of self-discovery and shalom from the Lord in these past few years for me has just been breathtaking.
I used to think that I didn’t have the authority to make decisions for my own life…until I learned that God gave me that authority and entrusted it with me, as I respect, seek, and live for Him. He put me in this territory, to own it and fill it and enjoy it, to steward it well. There is a boundary, a good line, around what God chooses and does for us vs. what He has given us to choose and do. There is freedom in knowing His banner over me is love…not fear, not some tight schedule I better figure out how to fit into.
I used to think I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes and risk blame/shame…until I learned that this fixed way of thinking didn’t leave room for authenticity, humility, and grace! Instead, while there isn’t room for willfully sinning with no repentance in this equation, mistakes are how we learn. Mistakes are just one direction you won’t go again. This reframing creates a love for the precious self God created in each of us. That love is what helps us know the boundary around us, and what words and actions are simply not appropriate for others to throw our way and also not okay for us to slam ourselves with. We are allowed to have a boundary that says no or I’ll think about that to others’ (or our inner critic’s) accusations against us about our failures. God has made a way for redemption in every situation. It is within our proper boundaries to decide how we will view our mistakes, which allows us to get up and move on a lot faster. God’s banner over us is grace.
I used to think I had to serve everyone in every situation of need…until I learned that in the Body of Christ there is the boundary of doing what you are actually called, led, and gifted to do. Sure, there are times of just pitching in and getting work done…but this is where the 20% end up doing 80%. A boundary around me is the Lord saying don’t just do ministry, live in Spirit-led obedience, and you’ll never give from an empty cup again. God’s banner over us is wisdom!
I used to think if other people were distressed, I couldn’t be happy and healthy…until I learned that I am allowed to be separate from others. I will share in joy and I will definitely grieve with mourners, but I also have my own mind, body, heart, and soul and I am allowed to draw from my self, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to move into the season I need to be in. I can support without saving. I can listen without fixing. I can trust God to be there when they choose to call on Him, once again seeing the natural borders that God has around Himself, me, and every individual person. There are simply things we cannot choose or do for each other. God’s banner over us is freedom.
Lastly, not that this is all, but this is all I’ll share today: I used to think that if my adult loved ones weren’t making (what I deemed to be) good choices for their health and well-being that I was negligent if I did not try to get them to change…until the Lord showed me that I had been thinking their decisions, problems, and repercussions somehow meant I had failed at loving, inspiring, and taking care of them well. My concern for them was partly out of genuine concern that they were not experiencing victory…but also partly out of my own need to feel validated that I had been a good friend, spouse, or parent. That comes from my Enneagram #1, where I just want to know that I have done my personal best, I just want to be good and make a difference. But JESUS, dear understanding patient JESUS, is setting me free. He showed me I was reaching well past my borders and into theirs when I was more concerned about them taking steps to get better than they were. He is showing me how to give from correct motives without obligation, and to love while enjoying my separateness from how they are doing. He is showing me that while He has given us a beautiful connection -in families, the Church, and friend groups- we must maintain our responsibility of individuality, our God-given borders and boundaries in order to truly love one another. God’s banner over us is peace in His finished work on the cross and the identity He gave us when we were adopted into His family, through His grace and our faith.
I can love more freely because whatever happens as a result is not core to who I am.
Have any of these old ways of thinking affected your life?
How does your personality style create difficulties in knowing where you end and others begin?
More on this later…For Sure…Thanks for reading! Make sure you check out my new Shalom Studio Coaching page!
