Posted on

I Get to Serve the Lord!

I am so thankful! I am so thankful that God hears our prayers and wants to walk this life with us. I’m so thankful His Word is true and His heart is love.

Last Thursday, I finished my courses in order to be a Certified Mental Health Coach with the American Association of Christian Counseling. It was a wonderful program and I am continuing, working to add on a specialization in Biblical Counseling now. So far, every hour has been incredible, both for my growth and edification and for being equipped to help others.

Later that day, my daughter and I were scheduled to visit Asbury University, so we went and ended up spending a lot of time in worship and prayer as REVIVAL had broken out on campus! While there, I was wrestling with the Lord about several things regarding this “new calling” of counseling ministry. Here are some of the particular wrestles:

-I am just a coach, not a licensed professional counselor. Will anyone take me seriously? Is this just embarrassing? Is this humbling on purpose? (If so, I’m glad!)

-When I pass around a business card or meet with someone for coaching and prayer, am I trying to make myself sound “all that”? Am I prideful? Or am I actually just being obedient and faithful?

-Is it wrong for me to be SO EXCITED about using my gifts in this way? Is that annoying? Is that going to feed any part of me that is self-centered?

-What will this look like? I know the Lord told me to prepare new wineskins for Him to fill and I feel like He is telling me what those are, but how much time and availability do I actually really have? I don’t want to sign up for more than I can do while remained super-centered in abiding in Christ, my own health, and my home/family.

I could go on, but you get the gist of the anxiety.

As I wrestled with God and all my questions, the speaker at the front of the room said if you would like prayer for being salt and light in the ministry God has set before you back home (as many of us had traveled to be there), come up. So I did.

All my circular, messy thinking converged in that moment of just walking up for simple prayer.

It was a simple prayer. But I agreed and believed along with every word, and sometime in that day or the next, a joy bubbled up inside of me that said: “You get to serve the LORD!!!!”

I felt the Spirit saying: Stop apologizing. Stop talking about it. Stop making less of it or light of it. Stop making more of it, too. Every believer is called and commissioned to do this! Millions of us are to be filled with the Word, the Spirit, His body and blood, and with our spiritual gifts, edify the body and bless the world!

No, it isn’t about us. But knowing our gifts, knowing ourselves, knowing our God, knowing where and to whom He is sending us, is not self-centered or bragging. “It is not by might not power, but by My Spirit”, says the Lord. This has been covered. This is old ground.

Here are the precursors to serving. Do this and then GO in Jesus’ Name!

-Abide in Christ and His Word.

-Trust in the Holy Spirit and lean not on your own understanding, reputation, or self-image.

-Be still and know that He is God.

Posted on

Freedom, Day Three: No More Performing

Satan’s favorite mantra in my head lately is: “You can’t do this much longer.” (Ugh! Isn’t he awful??)

But maybe he’s just a little bit right, as he usually is. Just a little bit right, like bait on a hook.

I certainly can’t do life much longer like this.

I have been so desperate lately. I’m overwhelmed by the mental and emotional fatigue of my life, of the past twenty years really. Maybe you are, too. I certainly don’t have the hardest life around. But the relationship struggles, church “stuff”, adoption journeys, illnesses, homeschooling, commitments outside my home, and four children’s needs have affected me through and through. I do believe most of these things have been specific obedience to the Lord and not just random ministry–but somehow I feel like I just don’t have the stamina to keep up with it all, to do it all. Sure, I am supposed to serve with the strength God provides, but how do I know when that strength is going to be sapped all of a sudden in the middle of a commitment? It’s not easy or clear. I have learned to rely on the Lord, yet sometimes I wonder if it was really just me pushing through like I have learned for so many years to do. Just real thoughts from my soul here, friends.

 

Today as I was reading the book Nothing to Prove by Jennie Allen (get this book!) God gave me one sentence to cling to…one ray of hope and understanding and vision. Spiritual Alzheimer’s be darned, I must remember this:

I am free to stop performing and just love.

Okay, how does this change my life? What’s the big deal? How does that solve fatigue in my soul?

Just this: I am called to love people, not perform for them.

In every capacity– Mom, Wife, Teacher, Friend, Co-laborer of the Gospel, Daughter, Daughter-in-law, Child of God–I smile when I think of how to love the people I am in relationship with, but I cringe when I think I need to please them, make them think I’m great, maintain a reputation, make a good impression, keep them from criticizing me, judging me, or talking badly about me. That’s making relationships a performance where we’re not allowed to mess up. It’s a prison, and it’s awful. But God wants to give us the confidence to acknowledge that we will not be perfect for these people nor do we need to be, and to play an entirely different role in their lives, as well as know deep down that we don’t need those people to always be happy with us. God wants to set us free to receive correction if needed, to be brave to handle conflicts that may arise from each others’ imperfections, and to forgive and be forgiven, not live in fear of these interactions. We are allowed to mess up, because life is not a performance.

So here’s the opposite of that performance driven life: Love.

Love means I’m not saying or doing things based on how I hope you’ll respond or think of me.

Love means I give what God leads me to give in our relationship, not what I think you expect from me, and not to get anything in return.

Love means I’m thinking of you and your soul right now, not myself, my inadequacy, my awkwardness.

Love means I care about you, but I choose to not worry about you and your choices, because it is your life and I have my own to lead.

We are called to live a life of love (Ephesians 5:2) not a life of collecting friends, attempting to control responses of others, and have nice things said about us. I really don’t have time or emotional space to keep searching for the affect of my love…only to live with a vague guilt about everything I’ve said and wondering constantly how I’m measuring up.

I am free to stop performing in this life, and just love, unaware of who is watching.

 

Posted on

Freedom, Day Two: Serving

Oh my, how this can be a tricky subject. Christians definitely fall on every point of the spectrum in regard to service in the church and the world. There are those who believe no amount of sacrifice is ever enough and there are those who believe no sacrifice is necessary because we are just here to glorify God by enjoying life. Despite what we are told sometimes, this is what God is telling me:

I’m free to serve with the strength and resources God provides, and I reject all compulsion to do more.

See, I’m extremely sensitive to this Christian pep rally thing where we come together and someone yells at us to do more and be more for the Kingdom. Jesus speaks to me in a whisper. He knows my heart and He knows your’s, too. When you give your life to Him, there should be a constant unraveling of your life and your wants as He builds the tapestry of your new life, the one that looks more like Him and His wants. If that’s not happening, talk to Him about it! If you aren’t more compelled on the inside to live an unselfish life, Jesus’s life is not being formed in you and y’all do need to have a talk! He will gently do that transformation; He’s the only One who can. But being told no matter how tired you are, no matter what you’re going through, you should be fostering kids, you should be giving more money, you should be teaching this class…nope, nope, and nope. The only “should” I can say is that if you are a believer, you should be spending time with Him in the Word and then you will grow in using your gifts and sacrificing how He says to.

Just to unpack this a quick minute more:

There is fleshly compulsion and there is Holy Spirit conviction. (Very different!)

There is serving to be known and needed, and there is serving for an audience of One.

There is a mentality of prayer and wisdom, and there’s the mentality of “Well, this has to get done and no one else will do it.”

There’s trust that God really does have the causes you care about under control, and there’s the blaming and judging of others (or yourself) for not doing enough.

A few questions you can ask yourself when trying to decide if you are being convicted by the Holy Spirit or just a victim of guilt and compulsion:

-Has God given me the time, strength, and resources to do this ministry, to invest in this relationship, to take on this task or commitment?

-Are there other commitments He has given me that would clearly be ignored or done poorly if I do this?

-Is there anything I can rearrange financially or in the schedule that is possibly self-serving or a little too focused on my family, in order to make a space for this opportunity to serve? 

2 Corinthians 9:6-15 and 1 Peter 4:7-19 have much more to say on this topic, and I encourage you to check these passages out! When we serve in the strength He provides, we are a loving and even happy member of community giving all the glory to God. Is that the model you see in your church? Is that how people would describe you? 

It can be.