Why do we as Christians feel like we are complaining when we try to work through something in life that is just not working?
Ugh! I hate it.
It keeps a lot of us stuck.
It actually often makes us forget there are options, that it takes time to heal wounds, and that we don’t have to wait for things to be extremely terrible before we do something about them–which often leads to doing something drastic or regretful.
There is a difference between complaining/ruminating on negative things, and working through them.
I know what it’s like to secretly wonder how long you can keep on going like this and the first step is to acknowledge things aren’t working without guilt.
We can actually look at a problem, laying out the facts and the feelings, and know that God is not laying guilt on us. He may very well convict our hearts, but that would be a good thing, an opportunity to actually move forward. We don’t need to be afraid to face the root of our struggles.
However, maybe it isn’t even the guilt from God we are afraid of: I’d say normally it is our own self-judgment, because we make an internal judgment about just about everything we think, do, say, or experience with others. (Maybe more on that another day – it’s a concept that has been life changing to me!)
We judge very harshly that we are tired, or depressed, or unable to complete something we started. We make judgments that affect our beliefs and our hope, judgments that God would never say about us. In doing this, we make our problems worse because we somehow believe we are bad for having the problem.
I have been in the place where that low key misery, the not really living or believing things could be better stage – and feeling guilty for it – was a way of life.
Whether it was genuine brain fog, depression, or just lack of focus –
Whether it was a season of sickness or simply a time of growing in something that was not my cup of tea –
Either way, it was hard and I had to determine what, if anything, could change. I had to see that the changes were mostly within me – how I was going to respond, what I was going to believe, where I was going to place my focus, and when I was going to make time for processing, praying, and anything else I personally needed.
I had to let go of my overwhelming sense of obligation to everyone.
I had to put a little rest, fun, and chill into my life without feeling guilty about it. (Yes, I’m a One. If you know, you know!)
I had to find out from the Lord what is mine and what is not mine to carry.
So here are my questions:
What do you need? Can you specify your needs out loud or on paper?
Think in lists or brainstorm in bubbles – categories – What do you need physically? What about mentally? What about emotionally? What about spiritually? What about socially?
Have you told the Lord these needs and opened your hands before Him?
Do you believe God wants to meet your needs? Do you believe you matter enough to Him to be heard and thought of?
As we know, God allows massive suffering all the way down to tiny speed bumps in our lives. He has a purpose and a plan in them, to aid in our process of sanctification, to bring us closer to the real reason for life – our True Joy, Jesus – and to give us opportunity to comfort others when they face similar inevitable pain in this world.
But even in the midst of that fact, from the inside to the outside, God cares about us and we matter to Him. We are told to cast our cares on Him; we are told to bring our petitions to Him; we are told to do this without ceasing. He is the God who moves on our behalf but we have a part to play in the process!
We are also told in Scripture to bear one another’s burdens and comfort one another, reminding each other of the Lord’s plan and return! That means it is more than okay to share the load when you are feeling all the hard things.
Small changes can make big differences and that first step might be to believe that God loves you and cares for you, that this season will not last forever, and that He wants to bring you to a place of strength and peace right where you are.
No guilt.
Grace and peace to you, in Christ Jesus!
