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Jack & Lyn, Part 3

SO…the next part of my and Jack’s 9 years together involves a little bit of everything. It was a crazy bunch of years, from 2002-2006. We had moved into the great gift of our home (given as inheritance from Jack’s family), with a sweet little dog named Lily. I was working at Lifeway, which I really liked. I was the stockroom manager and music section person; I loved helping people find stuff, praying with people in the store, and tidying up. Little did I know I would be doing SO much of that tidying up at home in the years to come! Jack worked probably 4 or 5 jobs during these 3 years; he was pretty creative and tried it all! He worked at a tree farm, a boys home, a lumber company, a printing press, plus we did a Lifeway camp (M-FUGE) in Jacksonville one summer. I’ll tell you, this was the beginning of being very disappointed in our career/degree choice from college. I was a Christian Social Ministries major, because I loved the nations and was positive that I would be an international missionary. It never occurred to me that I needed a skill other than talking to people about Jesus and singing songs. Jack was an Educational Ministries major, because he was then and has been for years an excellent, silly, much-loved youth minister. He felt he would always be on staff doing ministry, either in a para-church capacity or something creative along those lines. He is incredible at dreaming up and starting things; he’s also great with a video camera and sees things others don’t see in photography. It seemed so simple to us back in college. We would use these natural giftings for the rest of our lives and it would be great. But after just a few years into the game, it began to feel like we were only trained for this tiny margin of work, most of which did not pay enough to live on…most of which wanted you to work full time for part time pay. As much as I wanted to be on the mission field, I was struggling with my health here in the good ol’ safe and healthy U.S.A. and it just felt impossible. We had seen enough of church staff to wonder how we could “go there” again. We were wondering if we needed to go back to school or what! We chose “or what”. Probably not the best choice!

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But then in January of 2004 we met people who were starting the Bridge. That was a really fun year of servant evangelism projects, house worship, and getting to know an amazing core of church-planters-in-training. We were involved in everything! In September of 2004, two cool things happened while I was doing mission work in Panama for about a month. Our church began a partnership with a great little church plant in a poor neighborhood and I found out I was pregnant. I will never forget that time! Such great memories. Eventually, that partnership sort of ebbed away after their last visit here in 2006, but some good relationships were made. I can’t wait to go back and visit, both the city and the island of Mamitupu, where I slept in hammocks and drank orange soda out of a billion times recycled bottles with my friends lovingly called “the sisters”. Oh, and as for being pregnant, Jack and I had not been planning or trying…but it was a great surprise! I had a wonderful pregnancy, and in June 2005, our life was rock and rolled by Selah Jordan Taylor.
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That same month, two other things happened in our lives. Bad news first: Jack had to be scheduled for surgery on his spine. Having a newborn while this was going on was very difficult. I’ve been scaring my friends for years, telling them stories of how tired I was Selah’s first 6 months and how terribly demanding it was to have a baby. But the fact is, if you don’t have a sleep disorder or a husband who literally cannot get out of the recliner, it’s not that big of a deal! And I can’t forget about the good news: Jack’s volunteer position with the youth at the Bridge turned into a paid, full time gig. I also worked with the youth girls a lot, and continued to (try to) plan global focus services and events. For the rest of 2005 and 2006, our lives completely revolved around Selah and the life of the church. Next, we discuss the “diverse city & adoption years”. Stay tuned. 🙂
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How We Fell in L.O.V.E

I’ll backtrack a little, before the whole “first church, scary dog” phase. Jack and I met when we were in college; the first week he was on campus as a freshman to be exact. He was really the cutest thing, and he knew it. He had on this striped rainbow colored shirt, bell bottom jeans, and a train engineer’s hat. He was loud and funny, and already had lots of girls giggling and wanting to hang out on Stapp Lawn with him. I wasn’t impressed because I was a sophomore and my thoughts were: “Um, hello, we have studying to do, and you’re a goof-off.” But slowly my thoughts, as they always do, went to: “Um, actually, let’s goof off!” So, we did. We had a blast, but I knew after our first “date” he was too silly for me. He would have been bored with me, honestly.

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So, for the next three years of my college career, Jack and I were very close friends. We saw each other through relationships, both good and bad. Jack was always the guy I could count on. He would take me to Wal-mart (I didn’t have a car), cheer me up when I was lonely, and help explain stuff from math class to me. We were truly brother and sister. There are so many funny stories, but all so very incriminating!
Fast forward through my Senior Year, onto the summer after. Jack was a youth minister at a church near my parent’s house, and he asked me to start the youth praise band at his church. So all summer, my great friend Jack insisted on picking me up for church. We had a ton of fun with his youth and the other workers; then I spent several months in China that fall while Jack went back to college. The only person I really wanted to call when I had the chance was Jack. Suspicious, right? At different times for over 6 months, Jack and I both recognized that we had feelings for each other, but we didn’t say much. (I felt so mature, not just blabbing my feelings instantly like I had done with others in the past!)
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But then the day of blabbing came. At Joanna’s apartment in Campbellsville, a bunch of best friends were together because I was leaving for Africa in 2 weeks. Lots of my guy & girl friends were there, people I still love so much and had such good times with. I knew, sitting there with all these friends, that things would be changing. We might not even all be in the same room ever again. I wondered how I would live without those people in my daily life. College had really spoiled me; I had the best friends in the world to do everything with and that next stage of life maybe wasn’t going to be able to include them. But looking across that room, I saw Jack, and I felt so strongly that he was the one person I couldn’t bear to not come with me into the future. So, I got up off the couch, walked across the room, and squeezed myself right next to him. We talked all night. I still went to Africa, but we got engaged 6 months later when I was home recovering from surgery. I went back to Africa, but health problems sent me home after just 5 more months…then 8 weeks later, on New Years Day 2001, we were married!
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Observing Our Anniversary

This weekend Jack and I are “observing” our Anniversary, which is actually on January 1st. We just take the babysitters when they are available! We have been married almost 9 years…in love for 10 1/2! It is amazing how times goes by. I would say it flies, but I’m not sure it does honestly. I am thinking through each phase we have been through in our marriage, and some of them sorta dragged on I must say!

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When we got married, we lived in a parsonage next to our first church, where I was the secretary and music minister and he was the youth pastor and associate pastor. Jack and I bonded a lot there because after the pastor resigned, we literally had our Monday morning staff meetings in bed. There were many great things about this season of our lives, and some difficult ones of course. I had just come home from Africa and was starting to struggle with a sleep disorder that would take years to diagnose. Jack was putting up with a wife who thought cheese, crackers and grapes were a lovely meal. Then all of a sudden, a new pastor came in and to accommodate his family, we literally packed all night, throwing our stuff in big black garbage bags so that the house would be ready for him the next day or so. After about 6 months of working with him, we realized we should have thrown ourselves in the big black garbage bags and quickly moved through the night. One more thing about this time: Buster. Buster the man eating dog who barked all night long contributing to my eternal sleep problems. Buster. Never in my life have I contemplated murder except in scenarios involving barking dogs! I once had this burnt bowl of chili I was throwing out to him (he was on a leash one foot from my carport), and I seriously considered poisoning it. But I didn’t. I promise.
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Okay, so this blog just got us through phase one of our marriage. I’m sensing a series coming on.
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Lights and Shadows

“Oh but this year is different, for you and for me
our own little miracle on our own little street
never before have I loved silent night so
but now that you’re here by my side
baby it is, baby it is, it really is a wonderful life.”

This year really is different, and better! We have our girls, safe and sound, enjoying the Christmas season together at home. It is such a relief that our adoption process is over, and Yemi Taylor, right now as I type, is asleep in her crib in our very house! Selah is at a lovely age for Christmas, taking in each and every experience as if it were a miracle. It is a joy to do things with her and give gifts to her, because she appreciates it all so much. I used to sing a song all the time called “How Could I Ask For More?” by Cindy Morgan, and that’s how I feel with this family God has given us. Lighting candles, the sparkling tree, singing every Christmas song and watching every Christmas movie…we started early to fit it all in. It’s been a good season already, with lots of time together, which is the best part!
But to be honest, (because what is a blog for if you can’t be honest, right?) I’m taking all this in, every day, and sometimes I am terrible at living in the moment. I think about some things I would like changed way too much, like about our house or certain situations; I think about how much I don’t want the kids to grow up, how sad that will be. I think about feeling like a failure in some other areas of my life that can’t be attended to right now. Ultimately, I’m not at rest in what God has given me in the present way too often and I think it’s because of fear. I’m afraid that these health issues I’ve been facing are going to ruin the beauty and privilege of this time; that Jack and I will get in some kind of rut that keeps our family from achieving all God has for us; I’m afraid of things changing before I’m ready.
I have to remember He will be there with me when all these things and people I love so much are no longer with me in the same way they are today. He is with me now, in the ideal days and in the crappy days. He will be with me then. I have to draw near to the everlasting light, my hope for yesterday, today, and tomorrow…who does not change like shifting shadows or fade in and out through time. His love is all I need.

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Today at the Nursing Home

Today, Selah, Yemi, Grandma, Grandad, and I went to the nursing home. It was very fun and super funny. I set up my guitar and music, while Grandma was holding Yemi (who was screaming bloody murder of course), and Selah was out mingling with the residents, pretending with little giggles that she could understand what they were saying. Grandma had worn her Christmas sweater and everything, but she had to miss the concert…Yemi HAD to be escorted away. There were people visibly in pain from her screaming. I was one of them.

So, I get to singing some fun Christmas songs, and there is no microphone or anything. I’m singing as loud as I can, and one woman yells out, “Can anyone hear her?” and no one replies. Grandad rolls this woman’s wheelchair so close to me that, literally, her shoe gets stuck under my music stand. In the middle of “What Child is This?”, right as she was coughing really hard (on me), I had to stop the song and free her foot. Also, about 10 steps away from us, the 25 second long, as loud as Yemi (or the tornado siren, whatever) buzzer went off when any one in the hallway walked out the door. There were a lot of men working on the plumbing, electricity, etc. today. A lot. They liked that particular exit. They never learned how to punch in the code. I could have said or sang anything for those 25 seconds, as I was bleeped out so nicely!
We ended up doing “Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep)” three times, because more people kept coming in wanting to know if Selah was going to sing. Although she did a nice job singing, Selah (4 1/2 years old) is banned from future small concerts, because she kept interrupting me in the middle of songs! One time, she went over to a sweet lady in her wheelchair and they started having this loud conversation. All I could hear was “What’s your name, little girl?” at least 7x in a row, and Selah kept saying, “What? I don’t understand you.” It was like, let’s get this woman to stop singing so we can talk. (Hmm…I’ve felt that way before, too. Totally understandable.) Then, during “The Light of God” after I had asked Selah to sit next to me quietly, she interrupted me to say, “Mom, this is boring. Can I play the piano?” Needless to say, there was no McDonald’s lunch reward this afternoon.
Anyway, these are funny things, but it really was a good time! I gave somebody an excellent nap, and my friend Mr. Cofer could hear every word and truly enjoyed it. We all sang nice and loud for Jingle Bells, We Wish You a Merry Christmas, and Silent Night, and everyone said it got them in the Christmas mood. And lastly, when our hour was up, Selah went around saying to everyone, “I hope you really enjoyed my mommy’s songs. Don’t you just think she is the best? Didn’t you love her songs?? I hope you liked us.”
Very memorable singing day. I’ll do it again soon. 🙂
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Top Ten Things I Learned in Nashville

Some new song writing friends and I got together in Nashville this past weekend, and I wanted to share some thoughts about what I learned in a Top Ten List:

#10 Every girl should keep having slumber parties. Rah Rah, sisters!
#9 Co-writing is awesome! I never knew!
#8 I have been extremely blessed to have such generous, humble, and talented friends to work with here in Elizabethtown.
#7 I CAN drive in Nashville & GPS’s are so very fun. Even if they don’t “moo”, which is preferable.
#6 Pancake Pantry is worth the line. Even though we got to skip.
#5 I want to keep making CDs; just probably not there…
#4 To enjoy being independent. I won’t question again if I’m supposed to be a staff writer or go after a record deal. I know enough to know now that these are not congruent with my…everything.
#3 Personal goals need to be set, and kept in front of my face. I can’t please everybody, but I can know if I’ve been true to my calling.
#2 When on a fun weekend with friends, always say YES!
#1 Saying “yes” leads to things like singing at Ginny Owen’s concert! Video still to come!
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Super Weekend!

This weekend was so much fun! First, my mom took Yemi home with her on Friday, and while I missed her, it was really great to be able to leave the doors open, Selah’s toys out on the floor, and have a little more peace and quiet than usual. (My children are extremely loud anyway, but when they are together, it is just insane.) Then, Friday night, I got to sing again! My church, the Bridge Community, has some amazing musicians. They did a concert and I got to be involved this year. It was the first time I have ever attempted to sing without my lyric sheets, and it truly was a brave attempt. Not a success, but an attempt. I wish I had video of how my brain froze in the middle of a verse, because it would have been a good laugh later. Anyway, it was with good friends, and I had a blast being able to be so comfortable!

Then on Saturday, I sang all afternoon at a Christmas Marketplace at a church in TN. This was so fun, because I got to see precious friends from college, and got to sing through my entire Christmas repertoire almost twice. (I sang off and on for 5 hours!) Okay, now the surprise enters the story: Ginny Owens came to see me sing! She has become a friend over the past 6 months, after being in her online song writing class early this past summer. I couldn’t believe she came, and it was really fun to get to sing to her. She has been one of my favorite singers and songwriters for YEARS; she is just amazing. Then, after my singing, another friend and I got to go with her to one of her events. I admire her so much for her life and perseverance and ministry, and now I admire her for the kind of person I have found out that she is!
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Better

I am so thankful to be feeling BETTER! Life has pretty much gotten back to normal in the past week, and I am ready to be involved in things at church, friendships, and extended family again! Also, I’m working out some dates to sing Christmas Music! So far, I’m singing at a nursing home, a “Merry Marketplace” event, a house concert, a store in beautiful Glendale…

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If you see more on Facebook or email about my new songs or concerts, I am really just trying to dip my toes back in the water! It feels very weird to have a fan page or ask people to pass it on to others; or to promote my music, thinking people might be interested in what I have to share. It’s hard to get out there! But when I feel that way, like “why am I bothering to do this?”, I remember that God gave me these songs and voice and desire to share, just like He has given each of us our part to give and be in the Body of Christ.
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Especially in concerts starting in 2010, I really want to look into opportunities to reach the people God is wanting me to reach. I guess in the past I have just waited for concerts or churches to sing at, but now I want to look for opportunities like women’s ministry, women’s correctional facilities/homes, nursing homes, college and youth age girl’s bible studies. I want to share info about partnering with global organizations like IJM, and connect our churches to the believers around the world in much different circumstances…
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When I ask people to share my music, or give it as a gift, or “be my fan on facebook”, my heart is to get a song (that encouraged my close friends) out to people I haven’t met yet.
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Threading Together the Decades!

Through Facebook, I have gotten in touch with some wonderful old friends. There is something so relieving about old friends. It’s like they know that part of your life that they shared with you, and we share that memory without having to explain it. They also remind us of who we have been at different decades of our lives!

I have felt so disconnected these past 5 years or so with the idea of “who I used to be.” My years at home with my parents, being a teenager in youth group and high school, college and missions and dating, Africa, marriage without kids, starting a church plant with amazing people, marriage with kids, now…They are these huge chunks of my life, with a set of different friends, different woes, different joys. When I see friends from these stages of life, I’m so happy but I also really miss when we were together more. I miss the things I used to do that made me “me”, and I miss having free time to just think, hang out, talk about non-deep, silly stuff, and laugh!
I think I’m realizing three things:
1) I have got to make time for friends, old and new. It is difficult, and I don’t know how to do it, but I must! Girls just wanna have fun!
2) I have got to do things that start to thread together the decades of “Lyn”. I used to love to stay up late writing songs, scrapbooking, writing cards to people, reading full books in one night. I could watch romantic comedies for three days straight, eat tons of pizza and candy, and go for a walk outside for 2 hours to make myself feel better, kind of holding my stomach to see if I had added on inches yet. I love icees from the gas station, and looking around at clothes stores for shirts for $2.50. Musicals. Road trips. Girlfriends.
3) Becoming an adult has been a shocker of a transition. I spent SO much time as a child and teenager and college student thinking about what I would be when I grew up, who I would marry, what wonderful contributions I would make to the world. Seriously, I wish I would have believed the people who told me to just be a kid. To enjoy the innocent naivete of having no idea how much my parents were paying for my health insurance, my food, or the roof over my head wherever I roamed. To enjoy the masses of time I had on my hands to write hilarious poems about boys that we hated and collage my entire bedroom wall. Since becoming an adult, there have been disappointments that rock my world, and especially the world of my good friends, and I don’t remember much of that from my first 20 years.
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Broken Is Not Popular

“It is when a beautiful grain of corn is broken up in the earth by death, that its inner heart sprouts forth and bears hundreds of other grains. And thus, on and on, through all history, and all biography, and all vegetation, and all spiritual life, God must have broken things.
Those who are broken in wealth and broken in self-will, and broken in their ambitions, and broken in their beautiful ideals, and broken in worldly reputation, and broken in their affections, and broken ofttimes in health; those who are despised and seem utterly forlorn and helpless, the Holy Ghost is seizing upon, and using for God’s glory.” (Streams in the Desert, Oct. 15)
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Wow. I am thankful for the way this is so clearly written by an aged, in brokenness and surrender no doubt, saint. I can’t claim to understand how it works; I can’t even see if it is working in my own life! But it spurs me on to know that this place of surrender, this place of agreeing with God about all things He has allowed, is wonderful and is leading toward something good.
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I feel like it isn’t popular to be in this place…I mean, I feel like it isn’t popular to be in this place among many Christians. I often feel this pressure to be healed, to be changed, to see a miracle; I feel like people are begging or even demanding God for something for me, and fighting an enemy that may or may not be bringing a particular burden. When I used to pray like this, I was only left with discouragement and even confusion. I have probably left people feeling that way before, too.
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None of our opinions are going to be thoroughly correct, we can count on that! We act on the truth we believe. The truth I believe, at this point, is that God is walking through this life with us, and as we are dwelling with Him–knowing His Word, relying on other believers, having an intimate connection with Him, praying as He leads us to– His will is going to be done. I really don’t believe there are any special words I need to say to make things happen. There are some absolute things He wants for us that are scriptural; they are ours in Christ Jesus! We do have to claim what is ours at times. But there are other things and other times when submitting to affliction or looking past what we wanted to another possibility, learning contentment and joy, is the best gift He could give. It’s hard because we need discernment! We don’t always know what to pray, so we ask the Holy Spirit! But I feel challenged to make sure what I am asking from God submits to the possibility of His will taking a very different direction than I was believing for…
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Such a challenge.