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Arbys and Allergies

Okay, I still don’t know what happened today! I took the kids to Arbys, had a sandwich and about 10 curly fries, and 30 minutes later, I was in an ambulance with the symptoms of anaphylactic shock. I still have a headache and my stomach still hurts from it. It is so weird how I am having more sensitivities and allergic reactions than I was before I started eating really healthily and taking supplements to heal my adrenals. Surely what I am doing is good, and my body was just shocked by something in the food, but it hasn’t been very long since I ate fast food. In fact, I’ve eaten pizza several times in the past 2 weeks!

This allergic reaction is the worst one I have ever had. With cats, I break out into hives and a headache, and have trouble breathing. Today, I had all of that, plus much more. My legs and arms hurt so bad I ended up not being able to walk, and my stomach hurt more than when I was in labor. I wonder if I will ever know what ingredient caused this! I have read stories in my books about adrenal fatigue that sound just like this; about people who have a reaction to rancid oils (which definitely is what I had today: reused, old oil to make fries) or who all of a sudden have bodily systems jump off the deep end because they have been in need of repair for so long.
Although these people will never read this blog, I am so so so grateful to Dr. Kristina Knisely and her whole staff at Norton Community Medical Associates. This is Selah’s pediatrician’s office. They were so wonderful and caring to me and my girls until the ambulance came for me. I am so thankful I made it to their office, and they helped me, because I didn’t want to make a big deal about what I was experiencing but it was getting really out of my control. I’m so thankful for Jack’s grandma, Pat Hodges. She is always there for us. All of us! I don’t like to be a person in need, but today, I really really was. I could not take care of myself and my girls for that 45 minutes or so. It was scary and I couldn’t even dial the phone, but God provided really loving people to help us through it. (It made me want to be one of those loving people that can be called upon!)
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Allergens

I just have to vent about allergies! What a dumb topic, but still the topic on my mind. I have been feeling better, as I undergo this adrenal fatigue treatment: taking a “nap” everyday; a nice variety of supplements, vitamins, and medicines; eating often, strategically for energy, and low-sugar, and even no dairy as I learned I’m allergic to pasteurized milk; doing the right amount of exercise (too much messes everything up, too little is not good either); steering clear of stresses or anything that would wear me out (this part of the therapy I do not mind!); getting rid of cleaners and other stuff I use that have chemicals in them…The list could go on.

And I am thankful for all this info, so thankful actually, because I have had good days which is more than I can say for the past fall & winter. But then there are days again that just knock the breath out of me. Yesterday and today are two of those days! I need to be patient and chill, but instead all I can do is think about what I did differently to cause me to feel tired and out of it again. I think I exercised too hard Sunday and Monday, so that may have made me more tired Monday and Tuesday. But other than that, all it can come down to is allergies! Dang allergies!
I’m allergic to mosquito bites and it’s like I can feel them making me itchy and tired. I guess I’m allergic to the stuff I have to put in Yemi’s hair everyday, and I don’t know what to do about that. There are not a lot of choices there. I’m cleaning with vinegar, and only washing my hair once a week with Aveeno. I don’t even know what kind of soap to buy because I’m allergic to anything organic, and anything not organic has sulfates and chemicals that I may not respond to externally but am having a reaction to internally. As soon as I start to feel all “allergic” I go crazy cleaning my house because I think it’s my own fault for not having kept everything dust-free, but then I’m even more tired.
I need to live in a bubble!! I am tired of being a human science experiment, trying to figure out why I all of a sudden feel weak and exhausted…is it a food I ate or a chemical in the air I breathed? I have spent years trying to figure it out and it’s driving me crazy! And the worst part is, I know now that every time I struggle with my allergies, that is making my adrenals work harder, and when my adrenals work harder that means I am not going to be feeling well. I know this is a dumb thing to blog about, but for anyone reading, now you know the details! I just want to be well and stay well, without all this massive attention to it, and i’m okay with the fact that it’s going to take time…I’m just upset that I’m doing all I know to do but still can’t get away from ALLERGIES!
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Today

I totally realize that I don’t write about anything deep on this blog…I guess I thought that I would when I started it, but I just don’t have a lot of time to “go there” these days, er, years…But anyway, I just wanted to blog about my little but wonderful day.

I feel so much peace today. There are still questions and concerns out there, but they don’t have the weight they did just a few days ago. Some important things have been resolved, but some haven’t, and it’s okay. So, some of this peace is circumstantial, but a good bit of it is not. In worship today, we just sat enveloped in the love of God, utterly aware of the truth that we are a delight to Him and that we were created to adore Him which is simply a response to His love for us first! With tears streaming down my face, all I could think was, “I want every day to begin like this. I can’t remember how to live or how to function correctly as a believer, Lord, I am hopeless! But I know if You come to me like You are right now, nothing will stand in the way of Your glory today in me.”
I am thankful for today- every bit of it. I’m thankful that I was with my family, that the sky was incredibly blue and the clouds incredibly fluffy. I’m thankful that we got to eat out, because that is a non-necessity that I still don’t take lightly. I’m thankful that my body is being healed, and that the dozen things that were going wrong are now beginning to go right; I’m thankful for the wisdom and insight that I am gleaning and will continue to gain by the hand of God. I’m thankful that even when I continually mess up, God is giving me the desire to make better decisions for true wholeness for my body and soul. I’m thankful my nephew and mother in law are doing well and out of the hospital! I’m thankful that I’m gaining peace as I gradually adjust to the idea of Selah starting kindergarten in a mere 2 months (okay, I admit very gradually, slowly and painfully adjust!!)
Life is hard, but God really is good. I am not at a point where I can say it’s a rest stop in the journey, not at all, but I am feeling like some of the steepest climbs are over for now. Maybe we can move on and think about some new things now…
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The Last Month!

Where do I begin?

May was such an absolute blur, and to be honest, I’m glad it’s done with. I’m hoping June will bring some slower, lazy days where we can go to the pool, actually think about what we’re eating instead of cramming in “party food”, and not have lots of stuff to write in on the calendar. I guess some people like being busy, but I’m not really one of them…
However, I do love being with friends, family, and showing love to people, so these are worthy things for the calendar space! We plan to go to Holiday World with my mom and dad; hopefully see little baby Jackson, my new nephew who was born on Jack’s birthday, just last week; spend time with Jack’s family as we rejoice that his mom is out of the hospital and doing better; go to the zoo and water park with friends; have a family get-together midsummer to celebrate as Yemi turns 2 and Selah turns 5. (We are combining their birthdays now! Yay for consolidation!)
Selah actually turned 5 TODAY! We have had lots of birthday fun with her, I’ll post about that later. Also, I’ll be excited to post about the good things happening in my health lately and the improvements I am starting to see.
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Some Fave Pictures of Lately…

My new yellow walls and bamboo floors. This is a dream come true!
I LOVE worshipping the Lord with Selah; He comes in power all the time when we stop for a while and praise Him, read the Word together, dance, sing, and intercede for others. He has spoken some things to Selah in these times, and it is so meaningful.
Yemi Abigail. What a cutie-pie!
Amber, Joanna, and the kids at the park…So much fun, except for the goose poop!

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Just What’s On My Mind

Forewarning: this is going to be random!

I am thinking about:
*worship, having great times of worship with family and friends, sometimes just me and Selah, or just me and God. I am overwhelmed by the exchange that happens when I stop and adore Him, and lay everything down before Him (again). He fills me up. It’s silly to think I don’t need to go back over and over.
*Yemi giving out more and more hugs and kisses and smiles and all-out chuckles every day. Still screaming, but these breaks are nice!
*my house looking kinda new! Spring has arrived here, I am telling you! Yellow paint where there used to be cranberry, new lighter floors, glossy white trim and doors, my african stuff brought upstairs to decorate with for the first time in a LONG time. Fixing up both inside and outside of my house has been a therapeutic blessing to me.
*speaking of therapeutic…I have been on treatment for adrenal fatigue for 2 months now, and this past week I have actually felt good. I also have had several tests to find out what is wrong with my throat/voice, and it is (drum roll) acid reflux. Not a friend. I’ve tweaked my “body for life diet lifestyle” to reduce carbs and sugar, at least most days of the week. (I can’t help but cheat every now and then!) I’ve rested when I needed to, I’ve learned what this illness is, and I’ve gotten a really good kick in the booty with some great information. It all makes sense. I feel like my healing from the Lord is simply in implementing this info. Why would He heal me just for ME to bring sickness back on myself? I am learning how to recover and not get back here again. (LORD-WILLING!)
*more thoughts on home schooling…lots more!
*a friend in Africa who sliced her toe and had to have stitches with no (sp?) anesthetic. Her life there…
*my life here.
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Dieting

Ugh. Dieting! I am “tweaking” the “lifestyle eating plan” that I have been on for 1 1/2 years. I didn’t really want to tweak it, but the following reasons are making me:

#1 I haven’t lost a pound since last July, and I see some middle spread coming back.
#2 Finding out I have adrenal fatigue has led me to learn exactly what happens when I eat sugar. Yikes. It is not pretty for my insides, let alone my outsides. It honestly scared me, and led me to believe that if I don’t go low-carb and quit eating sugar so much, I will not get better. For the first week or so after this discovery–that my diet might have been making me sicker even though I’ve worked really hard to eat well–I was overwhelmed and even somewhat defeated. But now I’m digging in and trying my best.
#3 Several different people have told me lately that eating low-carb and very low sugar can lower your cholesterol (which I found out was a slight problem for me), stave off diabetes (duh, but I needed a wake up call), get rid of acid reflux (which my throat is telling me I have), plus of course to lose weight and have more energy. Sounds like it’s well worth a try.
So, I’m counting. Trying to have about 85 grams of carbs per day and about 15 grams of sugar per day. I do not count vegetables, because as I looked up the info on them the amount of carbs is just trivial…and seriously, when would I overeat veggies? Unfortunately never! I do have to count fruit though, because it is pretty loaded. I’m trying to have 5 veggie servings and only 2 fruit servings. The counting (and writing down every gram!) is tedious, and hard if I am not going to be home. But otherwise, I know that in a few weeks, I will just know what adds up to be enough for the day.
The hardest thing is just to not reach for that candy! For about 2 weeks, I haven’t had in the house but I had REALLY gotten used to it! Christmas goodies really bled into Easter candy for me, just about every night, chilling out with Jack, watching TV. Good times…good times. No more. Just kidding. One day a week I am not keeping count, and this free day will be FUN!
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Quilts!

I love…

women, girlfriends, sisters in the Lord


amazing works of art made by patient hands of many colors

cultures around the world, different languages, new traditions & ways of life

ministries that reach women in their most desperate times with the restoration of Jesus Christ

women feeling creative and successful and worthwhile and in touch with the Lord.

This is precisely what some ministries around the world are doing. They are not reaching the masses and the multitudes, but they are taking the time to show people, small groups at a time, that they are important to God. They are showing justice and compassion, and changing lives, as Jesus did as He walked the earth. There is something about small ministries that feel so very, very right. It’s like giving out worth to people who have been dehumanized, to stop and say, “I’m not passing you by. We are putting down the anchor right here, for you, and we aren’t leaving for a good while. You’re worth it. God says so. If we only help you, it was still worth our time and energy and resources.” I just feel such an agreement from the Spirit, in my spirit, with this type of thought…much different than how I would feel even 3 years ago. Very exciting.

Right now I am doing nothing more than selling quilts, hand made by women who are truly the least of these, in Cambodia. They are mostly HIV+ widows, many with children. New Hope for Cambodian Women is a small ministry helping these women by giving them a source of income, through quilt making. They receive their medicines, their kids receive schooling/preschool, healthy meals, and knowledge of the Lord (most importantly). Each quilt comes with a picture and description of the woman who crafted it, so that we can connect and pray for her. Children can be sponsored also through NHCC.

Their website is www.newhopeforcambodianchildren.com. Pictures of all the quilts I have right now are on my facebook profile. Just let me know if you’d like to look and don’t have a facebook account. I hope to partner with a couple other organizations that do this same thing, with a variety of arts and crafts, and am praying for other women to join me in connecting, supporting, and celebrating women across cultures for the Lord.

Here are few of my favorites!





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Some Encouraging Words

I went back and read the last blog I wrote. While most of it makes sense to me, I can tell some of it was Ambien-induced! It is cool how the Lord can speak even in the midst of exhaustion though; it is kind of rare in my experience, but His intervention is what I’ve been praying for, so I shouldn’t be so surprised to get it.

When I went back to read it, I was excited to find that nugget of truth about how the Lord wants to lead me beside still waters and restore my soul. I may feel like I need hours and hours of tea-sipping, book-reading, nap-time to make it through the day, and since I can’t have that I may think I’ll never get well, but in all reality, there is a rest in the Lord and in His Spirit that I can not get from hours of relaxation in the physical realm. Of all things I can change and work toward to make this life a little healthier, balanced, and happy, my time with Him and my connection to His truth are the real life-givers.
“Physical training is of some value but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (I Tim. 4:8) It is a relief that I needed to feel, to know that I may fail at ALL THINGS, seriously not ever get it right, but if I am dwelling in truth and love with my Maker and His Word, the most important thing is secure. That helps me chill. And for me, chilling is good!
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Honesty

This entry isn’t quite as fun as the last…no pictures, because believe me, you don’t want to see this! I am having such a rough time with my health, and oh how it seeps, overflows, floods, ruins other parts of my life. For so many years I have wrestled and fought, filling journals up with schedules and diets and knowledge that would fit in everything I need…the right amount of rest, the right amount of work, the right amount of this and that type of food, exercise, social life, prayer time, family time, oh my gosh, the list goes on. It’s like I think that if I do everything just right then how could my body not respond with health? At the same time as all this struggle, for so many years I have also surrendered. I’ve given it to God and even said, “Fine. You obviously don’t have the life for me that I thought You had. I will live like this, I am Your’s. It doesn’t matter…” It does matter, but He knows what I mean. It isn’t everything. We are eternal, and this is temporary. I do think that acceptance and faith go hand in hand, which is certainly a goal of our time here.

But even that seems to have a limit. The fact is there is a balance, a fight, a tight rope I have to walk in the midst of trying to also stay in a place of humility and surrender to the Lord and His plan to heal or to not heal. I am delirious with hope that I could find the problem(s) and not have to claw my way through every single thing I do. When I think I’ve hit on it, I turn to the Lord to excitedly say, “Is this what this has all been about? Can I be free now?” So far, the answer has not been yes. It’s confusing, and I can honestly say I am not angry about going through what I am going through, I am angry about having this deep feeling that it’s up to me, who I am, and what I do to be healed. It means that I can try my very hardest my whole life, wearing myself out for a healthy life and a healthy family, living in balance and in God’s will whatever that may be, and still have no results because of one thing I didn’t try. I’m angry to be put in such a situation. It’s not up to me to fix me. But that’s exactly how I feel. Is my life in His hands or mine?
I can’t find the right responses for the things that hit me all day. I am stressed and exhausted over things that just aren’t a big deal. I’m always telling Selah to stop talking, always telling Yemi to stop screaming. I can’t get away enough, even though in my heart of hearts I want to be with them a lot, in a different circumstance. I want to sip hot tea, curl up with a book, meditate, pray, take long walks, stare at something beautiful, listen to silence, slip away to see a friend or two, but then come home in plenty of time for a relaxing path to bedtime. Huge changes have been made to make life a little closer to this dream, but i begin to wonder, “how long is it going to be about me here?” The books I am reading say this is vital to my treatment and healing. And I hear God in that question, too. I hear Him quickly entering into the discussion, answering in a way that this overachiever ministry drop-out is surprised by. He says “I’ll lead you beside still waters. I’ll restore your soul.” I don’t think He’s worried about how long that will take…
All this writing to come to the conclusion that all my efforts may or may not result in change, healing, balance…but the most important effort is taking Jesus’s offer to stroll along the riverbank together, to feel that kind of personal protection of “I’ll restore your soul”, “i’ll make a place at the table for you before your enemies”. This is the one effort that receives a reward, and the one that needs the most attention put to it. When it all feels overwhelming, spiritual training wins.
It’s been a long day, much too long…but I did rejoice this morning because my family and I went to church for the first time in months. I was able to get up, and boy have I suffered for it today! But it IS the end of the day, and I am heading to bed. Praying for grace for the next week, and praying that I won’t overthink everything and just be led by those quiet waters.