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Finding Peace and Purpose in Our Battles

I have been really silent for over a month. Not just on the blog, but in my home and my relationships. I’ve texted with some friends but have had days where I only said a few sentences. I just feel quiet, and my mind and heart are full of pause. They are also full of prayers.

Some friends I know and love have had loved ones pass onto eternity, as always, in a quick and shocking way.

Some other friends have had little ones in the hospital, hurting and scared.

Some have had surgeries, new medications, life on hold and upside down.

I have had an extremely hard time with fatigue through the summer, then the whole month of September was on the couch or bed due to an urgent health matter (which is healing and going to be fine).

Battles both literal and figurative raging around the world.

You can see why the pause, and why the prayers.

Here are some of my thoughts in the silence:

*There is peace in surrendering what we wanted the journey and outcome to be. If we can bow to Him, there is peace there in that humility.

In this wellness battle, I have peace because I know that I know that I know that God gives both the sunshine and the rain. He is sovereign over my life, every single aspect of it, from how I feel to the day I die. To me, any thing less than this would mean God is less powerful than the enemy, than the world, than me. I feel safe in God’s hands, and if He is not freaked out by the difficulties in our lives and the limits those difficulties put on us, then I won’t be either. I gave Him my life. This is where my talk meets my walk.

*He isn’t asking more of us than we can give.

In this past month, I also came to grips with the fact (again) that if God actually wants something out of me, He’s going to supply everything I need for that task or I am in no way required to do it. I tend to fill up my calendar with good things as soon as I feel well, then the sickness comes and I feel terrible in more than just physical ways…guilt, confusion, weariness, stress. The Lord is freeing me (again) to only serve with the strength He provides and take joy that my life and accomplishments belong to Him, not me, so how much or what I do isn’t really “mine” to worry about. It’s His. He’s slowing down the pace for me because I needed intervention in that! 

*Where do I place my trust? In my supplements and self-discipline?

Number One, I trust Jesus for my righteousness. I say that because I sometimes think, “If I was more perfect, if I was more disciplined, if God didn’t have to ‘teach me a lesson’ (I don’t believe that by the way)”, then I wouldn’t have this recurring health condition that seems to hinder my life.  False. Jesus alone covers me with righteousness and right standing with God. I don’t have to do extra, in fact, doing extra would nullify my faith in the work of Grace! May that never be so! I’m on God’s “good side” because of Jesus, period. Number Two, I trust the Holy Spirit for my power to produce fruit, because any good that comes from my life (sick OR well) is from Him. And Number Three, I trust my Father for my safety. In the palm of His hand, I can know nothing comes my way that He did not allow, and because He is good, I want what He wants. I’m all in with Him, all in. If I trust Him with my children, my future, my home in Heaven, I must trust that if He wanted things to be different in my body and life right here and now He would bring that desire to fruition! He’s my Abba.

*When I’ve done all that is in my power to do for wellness- in wisdom and knowledge, prayer and praise- I can rest and enjoy the life that has been given to me.

In our wellness battles, we always have things to be thankful for. Personally, I’m thankful I don’t have to work a full time job. I’m thankful I have a husband, precious and somewhat self-sufficient daughters ;),  a great church, and so many friends that I keep leaving people out accidentally when I’m asking for prayer support! I’m thankful I have a quiet home and a fairly simple life. I’m thankful that the ministries I’m involved in are not overwhelming but peaceful and completely powered by the Lord. Not being able or allowed to do the many other things I am saying no to actually open the door to things I forget are so important. Right now, that’s relationships. Sitting down for more than 5 minutes with people. Hearing God’s heart in prayer instead of running down a quick list. Do you know how hard it is for me to just sit still and snuggle with my kids? It’s a challenge, and I think that’s sad! While God allows this trial in my life, I pray that I learn how to do that and not let a day go by where I refuse that gift.

Someday the Lord will deliver us from our battles, in one way or another. That relief will be sweet. But until then, I want to make sure that I realize there is no waiting to live. His Presence, His will, His relationship with us, His daily mercies, the things and people He has put in our laps…that’s all NOW regardless of our various trials. There is no waiting to be in His will, waiting to be thankful, waiting to be free, waiting to live. It’s now or never!

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Sister Bridge 2014 Is Coming!

I just wanted to write a quick little blog to say:

I AM SO EXCITED about partnering with four wonderful ministries this fall!

We have merchandise from India, Swaziland, and Indonesia. There are new items from EACH ministry, plus an entirely new partner in India who makes scarves, shawls, and headbands. I’ll post pictures and a price list as soon as I have time to get it all out and organized. Our first party is September 27, and it’s not too early to book one.

You can check out the websites of these life-giving ministries we are selling for while you wait!

www.coi.org

www.rahabsrope.org

www.timbalicrafts.org

www.beadsofjava.org

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Summin’ Up Summa’

I am pretty excited to say I finally have a computer at home again! I get to blog, work on my website, work on Sister Bridge stuff, and who knows what else…in all my spare time…Oh…Wait, what? 😉

To sum up the summer before I get going on this new season ahead…

I can sum up my part of the summer pretty quickly actually. I struggled. It was rough. I felt exhausted and crappy almost every day. God is greater and I held on to Him, but it really was like a drowning person reaching for a rope and being kind of dragged through the waves instead of getting nice and dry in the boat, headed for a sure and safe destination.I have a couple more doctor appointments this month and I am praying for results that can lead to knowledge and relief. I have done all I can do and made any changes my research has led me to make, especially in regard to diet, exercise, rest, and stress management.

But on to the fun part: The kids did have a really fun summer, thankfully! Their grandparents, friends, and of course their super fun Daddy made sure of that!

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Yemisrach turned 6 and Selah turned 9!

It is Selah that wins the award for the biggest changes…that girl is growing up! She is such a joy, and such a unique, funny, caring soul. She has some new things happening in her life and she is enthusiastic about it all. She has always been the type to thoroughly LIVE in each moment, and it is just amazing to stand back and watch her doing that in this season. If she is this mature and changing at 9, I really am not sure what we have ahead of us at 12, 15, 18, eek! She is currently writing a book, learning to type on one of our old computers, and daily practicing piano, guitar, and songwriting. I am amazed at how she can write a song, know what chords to put on it, remember it, and perform it. I did not do all of that until I was 17, but I wanted to! She is a great student, and this year we are studying Creation to the Greeks. We’ve had a lot of fun learning about Egyptian culture.

Yemi has definitely changed a little, but all in all, she is still the fun loving little pesky sister! She is in first grade at home and LOVES reading in her little Bible Reader (the reading curriculum with My Father’s World) each day. She has been waiting so long to get to do that, as well as put Biblical characters/stories on her timeline on the wall. I was thrown for a loop a little at the start of this school year because I realized how much she needs hands-on Math instead of what I had done with Selah. We have re-worked things more to her learning needs and while it takes much longer, I’m happy God revealed that to me so that I could adapt.

I am so blessed! I love being home and being with my girls. I know that with my health being this way I could send them to school, but I’m just not willing to let go right now of the beautiful thing we have here together. Time will tell. God will do what He wants. We live by faith!

 

 

 

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Raising Healthy Kids…

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Hey friends!

If you are a mom of elementary age (and up) kiddos, I would love your ear…or I should eyes?…for a minute. 🙂 This is a sensitive topic but I have felt like I wanted to write about it for awhile. Maybe it’ll be helpful to someone out there.

Selah came to me the other day and said, “Mom, when we were at the pool, this girl in the bathroom was looking at herself in the mirror and she asked her mom if she thought she was fat. The mom said, ‘No, honey’ and the little girl said, ‘But I think I am…’ The mom replied, ‘Well…maybe we could change some things we eat?’ (in a non-committal tone). The little girl was crying, and it made me really sad.” She had tears in her eyes relaying this conversation to me…

And goodness, I could relate to that little girl! To a young girl, it’s all relative. Even if she is not overweight, if every child around her is petite, she feels big. And the fact is that these days, an overwhelming amount of kids actually are at an unhealthy weight and size. When a child starts worrying about this, everything they do is affected. Any failure or rejection they think has to do with their size, even though it has nothing to do with it at all. They feel less than others and that leads to unhealthy relationships as they go into puberty. No one should have to strive to feel equal with their peers, but I can tell you one thing: Most kids who struggle with their weight are in that unending predicament and most of them would really like help getting out.

As a parent, we may feel comfortable with how our bodies have turned out. We’re perhaps at peace with where we are…but we’re no longer in that super sensitive time of life and while our kids need to be taught and shown that looks are not what matters most, they live in a world where it does matter. And it isn’t just the emotional and psychological effects that matter here anyway. We are at an extreme disadvantage if we go into our 20’s with the extra baggage weighing on our systems and raising our risk of disease. It gets harder and harder to get healthy and fit as we get older!!

There’s not a magic solution, but here are some thoughts, if this resonates at all with you:

1-If your kids ask for help about weight, take it seriously. Listen with sensitivity, without over-reacting or glossing it over. Whether they are truly overweight or just going through a hormonal change that has brought on a few inches and pounds, let them know you care and will help. If they seem unaware or unworried about their weight but you sense a problem, I would keep those thoughts to myself, but still do the following…

2-Depending on your child’s personality, find a way to put physical activity as a higher priority in the schedule. If they are a little unmotivated or simply enjoy group goals more than individual goals, make family hikes and bike/scooter riding or team sports a part of your schedule at least 3 days a week. Make it fun! If they are the type that likes crossing off tasks or being alone, or there isn’t time in the family schedule for sports, they might enjoy an exercise routine that includes a video, or a place and time to walk or ride their bike alone.

3-It’s time to get smart and serious about nutrition. I wouldn’t make huge blanket announcements like “We shall never eat sugar again in this house!” (Learn from my mistakes, haha!) But I would cut certain foods out, replacing them with other foods without making a big deal of it. For example, my first changes would be cutting out things like full-fat dairy products, all products with wheat flour in them, and as many products as possible with sugar or high fructose corn syrup in the ingredients list. Instead, each meal and snack should be based on a protein (like eggs, all natural peanut butter or almond butter, raw nuts, low fat cheese, greek no-sugar added yogurt, meat) paired with a healthy carbohydrate for energy (think half of a plate of raw veggies and fruit, baked tortilla chips, 1/4 cup of brown rice or quinoa, rice cake). If this is the food you have in the house, this is the food they’ll eat, at least until they have the opportunity to drive themselves to the grocery! Yes, this will take more energy from you. I say with much love and kindness: Deal with it. 🙂 At the beginning of the week, chop up a large tupperware of veggies, buy several types of fruit (some that spoil quickly like berries and others that can hang out a while like apples), and buy a couple bags of raw nuts or seeds, put handfuls in baggies, and when you’re on the go or need a quick meal/snack, this is just as easy as chips or processed snacks all week long.

4-Save sweets for one family movie night or campout or get together per weekend. Let that gradually become the norm. Of course it’s better to make more nutritious sweets with ingredients like honey, coconut oil, dark chocolate or carob (look up Paleo desserts!) but my kids do have regular candy and wheat free cookies sometimes. They are allowed to eat what they want at parties and weddings…but they certainly know its a treat. We have told grandparents that they can have these kinds of things only on the weekends. There’s such a balance we pray to find–to not freak them out with rules and make them want to hide and binge, but to teach them a 90%/10% lifestyle. That just means that 90% of the time you do what you research to be genuinely best for your body and 10% of the time (like a couple meals a week at the most) you just don’t worry about it.

5-Be a good example: Not perfect, not obsessed, but making an effort in a balanced way. We have been entrusted as good stewards of these tents while we’re on earth. Our bodies are temporal, so that puts body image into perspective, but also knowing we have only one body to be God’s hands and feet in while we’re here brings another angle to that perspective.

It’s a sensitive topic even as an adult, so just imagine how our kids and teens feel. I hope this post will be helpful and give you a few ideas on how to assist your kids in making lifelong healthy choices.

 

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Co-Writing!

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So…this past week, I got to go to Nashville and meet up with a new friend, a fellow singer-songwriter, Julie Keltonic!

She is a great singer-songwriter and mommy, and in our time together I also got to experience how genuine, kind, and Christ-focused she is. I have heard a lot of negative things about Nashville to be honest…when everyone is hoping to climb the same ladders, I can see how it would bring about some negative experiences. But I was blessed to hang out with this sister who has a ministry-minded motive in all she does there. I hope more of the Christian music industry will take cues from her, because what she is offering both in music and in spirit is exactly what needs to be coming through our radios, er, iPhone speakers.

We met for two afternoons and wrote a song called “Just Passing Through”. One thing we felt we had in common was that just in the past couple of weeks, we have seen devastating loss in the lives around us. While we knew we couldn’t provide a tidy answer for these sufferings, we did have some encouraging thoughts we wanted to explore starting with the lines: “We’re not meant to grow roots, we’re just passing through.” Here’s a little video for you!

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Mamu

20140720-165831-61111549.jpgApproximately fourteen years ago, after weeks of storying through the Bible with several friends in my village, Dialakorobougou…

my friend, Mamu Coulibaly, heard the story of Jesus for the first time.

She was probably about 30 years old and had 6 kids. She had probably heard the name of Jesus because He is mentioned in the Muslim religion, but she had never heard that there was a way to have her sins washed away. She didn’t know that Creator God wanted a relationship with her and even created her for that very purpose. When she heard what Jesus did and why He did it, she told me she believed and asked how to start that relationship. Within a week or so, she came to my house and repeated a prayer with me; we talked about how to cultivate that new relationship with Someone you couldn’t see, and then I realized, we hadn’t made it past the crucifixion story!

Really, without thinking much of it, I got out my Bambara Bible and pictures and began telling her the story of the Jesus’s resurrection. I will never forget her reaction as long as I live! It was SO funny. As most missionaries can probably commiserate with, for a few moments in the story I wasn’t even sure if she was paying attention, but she apparently was because as soon as I said that after three days in the tomb, Jesus rose from the dead and walked around talking to people, she looked up at me like I had just pulled a practical joke on her. She kept shaking her head and kind of laughing, she kept saying ,”No, no, Safiatu…” I showed her the Bible, even though she was not literate, to point out that if it’s in here it’s true! I’ll never forget that moment.

That was July 20, 2000. Four of her children also became believers shortly after.

Sadly, when I left due to health issues at the end of October 2000, I wasn’t able to keep in touch. I had a missionary bring them some letters and wedding pictures for awhile but as the team disbursed, I had no connection. The address for Mamu would look something like this: Mamu Coulibaly (the equivalent of Sue Jones), Dialakorobougou, Mali, West Africa. No post office out there in the bush, no street name or house number. That makes me sad but it is wonderful to know I will indeed see her again someday.

“When we all get to Heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be! When we all see Jesus, we’ll sing and shout the victory!”

 

 

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Precious Again

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It is a wonderful, blessed, beautiful thing when God intervenes in my every day life.

And He does it often.

Pretty much every time I ask, really…

Sara Groves has this song, Precious Again, and the last lines of the chorus:

“Promise that just when love grows cold, You’ll make it precious again.”

I’ve been struggling hard lately…some days struggling well and some days just getting through. Adrenal fatigue and wacky sleep patterns have been kicking my rear for over a month. In all the researching, reading, and following through, I do know that the day will come that I feel good again, but until that day, it’s hard to keep carrying it. BUT…

Day by day, God has revealed a thought here or there that has brought a smile…a song, a passage of scripture, a friend, a funny moment. Yesterday it came in getting caught in an absolute downpour while on a walk and stealing bites of the utterly forbidden cookie dough while making them for four darling little girls at my kids’ sleepover! I felt like God was saying, “Don’t forget to enjoy life, my love!” He intervenes in the every day.

He intervenes when He says things like: “Sometimes I enlarge your territory simply by opening your eyes and the creativity of your heart to the territory you already have.” Yes! That speaks to me.  That reignites my passion for all that I have been entrusted with.

When I forget…when I lose heart…when I just feel like I’m existing and nothing more…He breathes life. He is the Life.

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Friends…

Hi friends, supporters, and precious people who listen to my music!

I want to tell you something.

Back in February I went to a conference at the Vineyard in Campbellsville…It was about creativity, and God spoke to me in a really different way there. I began to realize through the sessions that I had backed off and backed down over and over when it came to my music. I thought it was humility but really it was fear. Since then, I’ve been praying and searching how to pursue possibilities. How to be exactly the artist I need to be. How to thrive in whatever environment I’m in. How to be faithful with little and be ready for more. How to not be afraid of both failure, and how to not be afraid of success.

And I’m not sure all of the steps ahead of me, but I did decide to send a demo (four songs) to a great Christian label and I’m also sending a link to my website to a great Christian publishing company. (This is how submissions are supposed to be handled, per their websites.) The purpose in this is to see if they are interested in my writing or in me as an artist.

All I can think about is what I’m not, like “It will take them 10 seconds to hear and see all I am not…” but I pray that they will see what I am.  I’m real, honest, transparent, communicating His heart the way He reveals it to me, to the Church and to the world, in my own way. We all have a voice. I’m praying God may make mine a little louder. New territory.

So will you pray with me? I feel no urgency about this. I’ve been singing and writing for over 18 years! I’m going to keep doing what I do and thanking God for every opportunity. But will you pray that :

1- I won’t sabotage myself.

2- The right people at the right places would take the time to listen to songs and think about what could be.

3- The enemy wouldn’t get any territory on either end.

4- God would give me vision and direction.

Thank you! I appreciate you!

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Adoption and Finances Update :)

Wow, time flies when you’re having fun! And we certainly have been.  My parents so graciously took us on a trip to Disney and the beach, meeting up with my brother, sister in law, and nephews; our families had a blast together! It was a great kick off to the summer…and I couldn’t help but think that maybe it would be our last trip before we get to go to Haiti? Who knows?

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(A little Haitian child–Not anyone we know just to be clear!)

So, an update is overdue for all of our friends and family who have been praying and giving to our adoption!

First of all, a HUGE thanks to all who gave to the Lifesong for Orphans matching grant; we are so happy to report that over $7,000 was given! $3,500 will be added because of the matching grant, making that whole grant about $11,000. We also received a grant from Show Hope for $6,000. We feel so honored to receive these grants and gifts, and are so grateful for the people who wanted to be a part of this. And of course it is not too late!!! These grants, gifts, one yard sale, teaching lessons, selling CDs, plus the savings that by God’s grace we were able to give back in October when we started our adoption all leads us to…drumroll…about $28,000. (Um, can you believe that!!??) We still will need approximately $22,000 for our fundraising efforts to be complete. We are doing one more yard sale, a Both Hands project, and also a concert/silent auction/meal night this summer or fall.

Anyone who feels led to give can make a tax deductible donation to Lifesong for Orphans, with Taylor Family #4310 on the memo line OR online. Their address is PO Box 40 / Gridley, IL 61744. Their website is www.lifesongfororphans.org. Even though the matching grant is complete, it’s definitely not too late to give, and each dollar is a blessing and a reminder to us that we aren’t alone in this. 🙂 God has called certain ones to walk beside us…Such a gift that is in this step of faith!

Second half of the update–Our dossier was officially accepted by Haiti’s government on February 27, 2014. We are hopeful that our adoption will be completed within two years of that date. Our agency (All Blessings International) and Haiti Coordinator are amazing. We genuinely can relax knowing they are doing a great job advocating for children in Haiti, and doing a great job advocating for us as adoptive parents. It is awesome that Haiti allows input from the agency coordinators and the orphanage directors when it comes to making a match; this allows the best matching possible, because these people know the children the best (and through our home study and phone interviews know us also.) We have asked for one or two kids, 0-6 years old at time of referral, either one girl, two girls, or one boy/one girl. If we get two, one will definitely be younger than Yemi (6 in July) but the other could be her age or even a few months older. We wanted to be as flexible as possible and if we do get two children, they will be siblings.

It’s a long journey ahead but it’s kind of like planting a tree. If you want a shady yard and beautiful thick oak trees, you can’t just transplant them! You have to plant little saplings and take care of them and be patient…The point here is that if you never start the process just because you hate how long it takes, well, don’t expect to ever have those shade trees! 🙂 So the seeds have been planted…and a lot is happening behind the scenes while we wait.

I’m just grateful to BE HERE. I’m grateful, SO grateful, to even be IN the process at all. I’m grateful for our agency and my peace of mind. I’m grateful for God’s heart for the sparrow–and that I get to share in the beating of that heart. I’m grateful for people who say, “Thank you for letting me be a part of this!” That blows us away. We are grateful for you. I know we will get to return the love and support as YOU follow HIS great plans for you.

 

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The Cross

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I will never, ever, ever, ever stop singing about the Cross.

And let me tell you why.

The Cross was the one act in history that made a sinner like me holy. When Jesus willingly died to pay for my sins and all my failures, rebellion, and just plain lack, the veil between me and my Creator was torn in two. When He laid down His natural born rights of Son for that short time, I was given a robe of righteousness, a seat at the table, a friendship with God. It’s like we swapped places. And why? Because He loved us and wanted to invite us in the family. He called out to the beggars on the street, the ones who had nothing to offer back to Him, which quite frankly is you and me. Jesus obeyed His Father even unto death on a Cross so that His Sonship could exponentially grow, being granted by grace to anyone who would take it.

Sometimes we wake up from a wonderful dream, like a dream where all kinds of problems were solved…but we wake up to reality and realize the turmoil hasn’t been resolved at all.

With the Cross though, the story is true. Our debts really are paid. Our prayers really are heard. Our Father really does see us as sons and daughters. Our Brother really did give His life for us. Eternity in Heaven really does await. The Spirit really does comfort, teach, and remain in us for every minute of every day that we will recognize His presence. The goodness is real. Our minds and bodies and emotions have trouble reveling in it, it seems, but that doesn’t remove the reality that the goodness of the Cross is real.

I need the Cross, friends. I am a mess! There have been times in my walk with God where I didn’t think of myself as a mess much; I thought of myself as quite a good little worker bee for Jesus. I knew I was saved by grace and not works, but being the independent, ambitious person I am, my focus was more on myself and what I was doing for the Kingdom than on the Cross and my extreme gratefulness for it. (So sorry to whoever was around me those days!)

But by His grace, He relieved me of my pride and confusion.

I’ll never forget the day–Selah was about six weeks old–I was an exhausted, burnt-crispy minister mess. I remember saying to God, “You know what? I have been serving You so much, and it feels like I am never going to get where You want me to be and do all I think I’m supposed to do. I give up!!” I had planned to be a full time missionary and that had fallen through. I was serving in various ways at church, but having a newborn baby and a chronic illness that very few people seemed to understand (or have compassion about) was making me literally unable to do anything for anyone outside my home. I felt like a complete failure for the Lord. I hadn’t even considered giving up being who I thought He wanted me to be for Him…but when the thought crossed my mind, it sounded so good. To finally not expect the impossible out of myself! I’ll never forget that moment.

This is going to sound funny and weird, but I actually said to Him, “I give up trying to be on Your special team of people You call to do Your work. I don’t know what that means for my future and all I thought You said we were going to do, but I give up trying. I trust that You have forgiven my sins and love me, and that’s all I’m going to worry about right now. I’m letting go of all that other stuff.”

I feel like God breathed a sigh of relief, because I finally got it. I didn’t know as I prayed that prayer that I was “getting it”, not at all actually. I was heartbroken. I was saying goodbye to an entire way of life, really the only way I knew to be. But I was saying hello, automatically, to being Mary weeping at her Lord’s feet, just saying thank you for taking someone so unhelpful and so unworthy. When we become ruins, it really is a gift. I am convinced that being a Christian is mainly about receiving. Any giving is because we first received anyway.

As my kids are older and I feel better most of the time, the Lord has allowed me to “minister” again, but it doesn’t mean to me what it used to and it is powered by thankfulness for the Cross.  I live in ruins, I live in knowing I can’t do it, I live in giving up trying to be something awesome– and I pray that transparency and weakness simply gives Christ room to shine through.

The Cross. It’s always there, when everything else falls apart and when we don’t know anything else for sure. We can always come back to the Cross.