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My Top Five Favorite Christmas Lyrics This Year

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I love lyrics, hence my love for songwriting! And so many Christmas songs are packed full of the best lines. Since (as I’ve shared a little in the past blogs) Christmas to me can so easily turn into just more to do and less to feel, I have been compiling a little list of lyrics that have helped me go to a deeper level of gratitude and meaning this season…Thought I’d share them with you.

1. From O Come Let Us Adore Him: “Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing…” When I heard an incredible worship band sing this song a few weeks ago, this line stood out to me and quickened tears to my eyes. The Father’s intentions, the Father’s promise, finally appearing in the flesh to do what only He could do. It’s a reminder to me that every purpose of God will come to pass, and nothing He dreams up, nothing He attempts, can be stopped. Just like when He said, “Let there be light…” His Word went forth and fulfilled His purpose, and we know His Word will never return void but it will always accomplish the reason for which it was sent! That is true for us today and I say Hallelujah!

2. From O Little Town of Bethlehem: “And in thy dark street shineth the Everlasting Light, the hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight.” There He is, bringing brightness, to anyone who would look to Him. As John the Baptist says, “Behold, the Lamb of God!”Every hope, every fear, put in its place now that the promise has been fulfilled. It doesn’t mean all of our hopes and fears are erased, it just means they are prioritized in a more correct fashion–they are fading, they are a passing thought, they are not our necessity. Because of Him, the ups and downs can be neutralized to a certain extent, just like a baby being held on a bumpy ride.

3. From Christmas Don’t Be Late (Alvin!!!): “We’ve been good but we won’t last; hurry Christmas hurry fast.” Oh, this just screams GRACE to me. What else can I say? We’re trying to hold on for dear life to our convictions and our good behavior, but we need a Savior! Quick!

4. From O Holy Night: “Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.” The presence of Jesus makes all the difference to my soul. Whatever I fail at, whatever I succeed at, whoever people think I am, whoever I want to be but am not…because He came, because He loved me enough to die for me, because He lives, my soul can feel its importance, its purpose, its weight. Not because of anything I’ve earned but because He loves me, because He chose me. My heart longs for this for every human on the planet. What would the world look like if every soul felt their individual worth, without money or prestige or dominance or intellect? What if we all understood because of His love, His coming for all, His choosing us all, creating us all and calling us all by name, He proved our souls all have equal worth and our lives deserve equal honor?

5. From Winter Wonderland: “To face unafraid, the plans that we made…” It’s small but powerful! I think of the Proverbs 31 woman who can “laugh at the days to come.” Yes! The plans we have made, the paths we have chosen, the people we’re called to love and serve, the things we take a deep breath and dive into…We can go forward into the new year with peace, joy, perseverance, self control, and all of the other priceless, life changing gifts we are internally granted through daily fellowship with Holy Spirit.

Merry Christmas and may your day truly be filled with Him taking you deeper into His heart.

 

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This Christmas

 

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Christmastime is always a whirlwind. I realize I don’t have to let it be, but to a certain extent – even with the strongest of boundary lines – it just happens. Gifts aren’t bad. Shopping isn’t bad. Seeing everyone you’re related to and then some definitely isn’t bad. Eating isn’t bad. Cooking isn’t bad. Making crafts and decorating isn’t bad. Traveling isn’t bad. Going to special shows and events isn’t bad. So why at this time of year do so many of us feel like we’re taking a deep breath and diving in, hoping we’ll still have some air left when we get to the other side? Or maybe that’s just me…

I think it’s partly because Christmas is more than just a day or two, or even a week, of gatherings and celebrations. It is a full month. That can be exhausting- all that partying, planning, cooking, shopping, dressing up, traveling extrovertedness! Expectations can get a little out of hand and budgets can go out the window when people start thinking, “Hmm…what do I want for Christmas?” or “Oh, I know what they want for Christmas (and I must find it for them)!”

I don’t know. It’s not bad or anything, I just kind of feel like Linus in the Charlie Brown Christmas cartoon. Sometimes you get a window of opportunity to see a little clearer about how you want your life to be, and while you can’t change the sheer enormity of the get-togethers and traditions, like Linus reminds: We can set our hearts in a different direction.

*Every gift we give can be in honor and memory of the gift God gave when He sent His precious Son to the earth. That may bring about a complete shift in our motives and method of giving, with this in mind.

*Every moment of anticipation we feel as we wait to see people, eat those specific goodies, receive surprises, and re-live traditions is a parallel to the anticipation we feel along with the rest of the world for Christ’s return. May that anticipation grow to lengths and depths so much longer and deeper than our hopes for the holidays.

*Every bite we eat can be a reminder that God has provided not just our needs but our wants. And maybe we’ll see ways we can give up some wants this coming year so that other’s basic needs will be met.

*Every hand we hold and hug we share can become a prayer for that person, that their next year will be their best yet.

*Every freezing minute getting from place to place on these winter nights, we can breathe a “thank you” that we have coats, warm beds, and a home to go home to. Both literally and figuratively, in the weather and in different areas of our lives, it’s hard to wait for the thaw of spring. But in that cold we can give thanks that seasons do change. They do, and they will.

This Christmas, I am praying for the mindfulness to see the meaning behind the traditions, worship through the amazing words of Christmas hymns, and take every opportunity to slow down and just love.

There’s nothing that has to happen this Christmas but to love.

 

 

 

 

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All Wrapped UP!

So today was my last Sister Bridge party, and I got to wrap it all up this evening. Checks have been written. The items that are going back have been packed. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind this year, and I genuinely have told the Lord I didn’t think I could do it! But we did it anyway.

I’m really grateful for all the folks who hosted parties, invited friends, carried stuff in the cold, and made snacks.

I’m really grateful for the girls who took inventory and totally handled it on their own, simply bringing me leftover items and checks to mail in the end. Thank you Shannon Hampshire, Amy Nordyke, Linda Mulhall, and Kristen Koenig!

I’m really grateful for the answer to prayer that Timbali Crafts, Rahab’s Rope, and Beads of Java is to so many precious women. And you know, these ministries are an answer to prayer to me, too. I can’t tell you how many days and nights I have cried and sought the Lord for a way to help. I couldn’t move to these countries, I tried that! I couldn’t seem to do anything that mattered, anything that reached and touched like Jesus would. I’m so grateful there are missionaries on the ground, in the trenches, and we can support their work from here.

So…what you’ve been waiting for…The Total!!

2014 Season made $11,976.88

Seasons 2011-2014 Combined comes to $49,821.00

Glory to GOD!! Oh How He Loves.

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5 Things People With Chronic Illness Want You To Know

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For fourteen years, ever since my last couple of months living in Africa, I have struggled off and on with symptoms of chronic fatigue (undiagnosed by the traditional medical community) and a sleep disorder (diagnosed, but with nothing to be done about it.) I’ve tried to live as normal of a life as possible, and I sure am blessed! Abundantly! I’m a thankful and hopeful person, because of Christ in me, but that doesn’t change the fact that my body is constantly going through something I don’t understand. As I’ve landed back at square one, for the tenth time, I have some thoughts I’d like to share that may speak for others in this same difficult place, whether that’s chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety, or other diagnosed/undiagnosed pain and health challenges that affect our daily lives and futures.

1. We want you to know we’re doing our best. That we are not lazy. That we are not undisciplined. That we did not bring this on ourselves. That we have studied. That we could write a research paper on what we’ve learned. That we’ve tried a lot of it. That it gets old to hope and try and not get better, but that we keep doing it anyway. That even though we feel miserable, we want to speak positively, but there’s a constant battle between the truth and complaining. That we constantly wonder if we are doing enough, learning enough, changing enough, to be well…while so many around us don’t have to do anything at all to get up feeling good in the morning. Sometimes people say things like, “Well, all you have to do is…”  or “Well, I eat this or that, and I never struggle with…” I have all kinds of patience for this because I AM THAT PERSON! I am the annoying advice giver that people have put up with for years. So I can handle it and it really is okay to offer advice. However, please know, if it were that easy, I wouldn’t be writing this blog at all. I’d be out training for a marathon with my friends or traveling to Nashville for a co-write instead of working through the feelings of a decade of health problems that all the basic cures haven’t touched.

2. We want you to know it hurts to see others affected by our challenges. Call it pride or whatever, but I just want to keep the boundaries of my suffering to myself. But that’s not possible. Those boundaries extend to my children, my husband, my friends, to commitments I’ve made that I can’t keep, to things I wanted to do that I can’t do. When I have to send my family to something, but I can’t go…when my limits like getting home early or not spending the night out of town are imposed on those I love…when a calling has to be set aside because God has not chosen to heal and provide the strength to serve…all painful (and confusing). So when others are affected by my limitations, I want to realize that God is doing a work in them at the same time He’s doing a work in me, and I can’t intervene and fix that anymore than I can get out of my own journey. Here is what our loved ones can do for us: trust God right alongside with us. For our healing, sure, but more than that!! Believe and help us believe that He’s writing our story just the same as He is writing yours, remind your heart and mine that He loves us right where we are, able or unable, sick or well! Know that (even though we don’t even remember this very well) we are not here to accomplish anything besides knowing the Lord and we can do that in a coma. That’s the truth! Everything past knowing Jesus is extra. So while in our flesh we hate to see people missing out on some things because of us, and we want you to know that’s a stress for us, ultimately that’s not our burden to bear. And our sickness is not your burden to bear.

3. We want you to know that we can’t do it all, but WE still don’t know that we can’t do it all. And this brings misunderstanding, and even guilt. Lately I realize I feel guilty for having any fun at all because every other day I’m canceling the thing I was supposed to have with one person, and then keeping my plans with someone else on the next. There are things on the calendar I have to do unless I’m contagious (which is never, because in that way, I’m healthy as a horse), then there are things that I would like to do if I feel well enough. Sadly, the things I have to do take up a large portion of any good hours I have! But I don’t know that until the moment is upon me. I have learned to prepare people that I may cancel at the last minute, which kills me slowly just so you know! It is not easy to predict how you will feel and make plans accordingly. My motto apparently has always been to keep pressing through the exhaustion, because I love being around people, I love singing, I love Sister Bridge, I love going overseas, I love children (especially mine!), and the list goes on. But pressing on and pushing through gets me to one place, eventually, and that place is none other than square one. Other people reach finish lines by pressing through. I reach breaking points that I can’t come back from for months.  I try to weigh out what the recovery time will be, how long I’ll be at that place, how crowded and crazy it could be (hello holidays), how much I could be inspired by being around those people or that activity, how much that group or thing goes along with my callings for this season of my life…these are all ways to find balance, but still, I feel guilty and wonder if people are going to say, “Well, if you could go to that, then you could have gone to this.” I genuinely don’t think its a matter of caring what people think of me, it’s more a matter of hurting someone who thinks I prioritized something or someone over them. (Which I have done and have no choice to continue to do.) We need grace and understanding about this calendar thing. We need people to mean it when they say, “Listen, you take care of yourself, you don’t have to do anything or be anywhere on my account. I am one person you don’t have to worry about pleasing, and I hope you have fun on your good days!”

4. We want you to know that we have no idea how much to tell you about what we’re facing, and we don’t really like talking about it, but sometimes we really need to anyway. We want you to know what’s going on with us. Not down to the details or anything, but everyone wants a few people to really know what’s going on. It’s awkward to talk about, because we don’t want to complain or always be sharing about ourselves or sound like we’re making excuses for not being something we wish we were or wish we could do. We know there are people going through much worse situations. We want to be careful to not turn inward and focus too much on our own stuff. We want to be transparent and let God work through our mess. But we also want to pretend it’s not even there, especially on days we aren’t feeling the weight of it, and that’s got to be confusing to those caring about us. On days we do feel the weight, we’re drowning, but you don’t know that the next day we’re swimming again just fine. You’re like “but I thought…???” Yeah, us too.

5. We are not schizophrenic, it’s just that every week, every day, and sometimes every hour is different. I could feel so clear minded and creative and rested for a couple of hours and then all of a sudden crash. I could wake up crashed and then suddenly feel awesome for no apparent reason. People always say, “Oh, I would have never known you struggled with this” and that’s because most people will only see me on the days or hours I am feeling okay. In those times, I am making plans and enjoying all of my senses and soaking in conversations and seeing my future stretched out ahead of me…Then too much of that happens and I’m grasping for hope that I can ever feel rested again. It’s totally weird, and you don’t have to understand. But it is real, and there is nothing I can do about it.

There’s more to say but I got only a few hours of sleep last night and my brain is super foggy.  My last word on this I hope just covers it all…

My husband, Jack, is pretty fabulous at accepting what I have gone through (and put him through) these past 14 years. I’ve heard him say to as he has officiated several weddings, “If your spouse says the sky they see is red, then you believe that to them the sky is red.” You don’t have to pretend to see a red sky or see a red sky yourself. You don’t have to get it at all, really. But you simply trust that what they are seeing through their eyes is real, period. Jack has had just a few days of tearful exhaustion in his whole entire life, but the man accepts without question or blame that the kind of tiredness I feel even after ridiculous amounts of sleep is mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and physically painful and deep. I don’t know how he does it, but I’m so thankful. I hope that that’s a gift we all are learning to give to people we love. Accepting them as they are. I fall short so terribly. Sometimes we have to learn how to love over and over again in life, and the first step to that is finding out where people really are and meeting them there. Not where you want them to be, but where they are.

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The Many Sides of Yemisrach

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Today has been a trying day with my Yemi, but also a sweet one. Oh, I love that girl fiercely, and enjoy her tremendously. But I also am the most bewildered and confused by that child. She keeps me humble…and a little lost…and smiling. I’m not sure that I ever was interesting enough to do any of those things to anyone! Both of my girls make me feel the full range of emotions, and have personalities far beyond mine ever was or will be. But anyway, I just want to spend a minute writing about this little firecracker/diva/curious george/comedian: Yemisrach (Good News) Abigail (Her Father Rejoices).

Yesterday, my mom took her to KSS, and while mom was shopping, Yemi grabbed a notepad and pen from off the shelf. She began writing her name in it. My mother bought the notepad, and told Yemi she would have to pay her for it later. Yemi had no real answer as to why she chose to do this…She didn’t really seem shocked that she got in trouble, but she wasn’t trying to hide it either.  She has two dollars less now, but I don’t think that means anything to her.

Today, in math, for (literally) the 80th time, I asked Yemi how many months were in a year. Many days she doesn’t seem to understand questions like this. In helping her find an answer, we discussed what month we were in, looked at the calendar, even held the baggie full of cards which have written on them the months of year…but still this answer just evaded her. After several other attempts, we/I landed on the number twelve and we moved on. Somedays these things that you can’t see make sense to her, other days they don’t. There are a multitude of things I truly cannot comprehend that others can (and I’m not being humble, its just true), so it’s not that I think she’s not intelligent (because she absolutely is)…I just don’t know how to get these concepts to become real to her no matter how much we talk about it, act it out, turn the pages of the calendar, and so on.

Then later today at a restaurant where you get your own drink from the “fountain”, while I was ordering she ran off, grabbed a cup from who knows where, and filled it up with fruit punch. She knows we only get water, she has never been allowed to wander over and fill up her cup before, and she didn’t ask. She seemed just as bewildered as me when I punished her for this! I just don’t know what’s going on in her little mind. All day, when I tell her something, she doesn’t appear to be listening, so I’ll say “repeat a little of what I just said, please”. Sometimes she will, sometimes she won’t. I’ve told her she’s not really safe if she can’t listen to adults and remember what they have told her. Could she repeat that back to me? What do you think?

This evening, she found one of her Christmas presents under the bed. We do a few small gifts at Christmas; we’re not the Christmas morning extravaganza type folks. I was really sad that I hadn’t done a good job of hiding it and really sad the surprise was spoiled. I still don’t know why she was under our bed downstairs, but alas…All the Christmas presents have been moved to a better located as of now, in case you were worried. 🙂

Yemi doesn’t seem to notice things that I wish she would, and she seems most interested in snacks and TV shows and getting her way. Everything else is kind of “eh” to her. Take it or leave it.

This is Yemi.

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But this is, too:

I sat snuggling with her, reading the cutest library books ever, that she had picked out. It was truly some of the sweetest minutes of my day, sitting there under covers with that precious little girl whom we sometimes call “our little coffee bean”. One of the books we read was about a school in Chad, Africa, a school where boys and girls had to walk on dirt paths to get there; a school where on the first day of the September, the kids pitched in to build it– from the ground up! The illustrations were beautiful, and we loved them. Yemi noticed some things beyond the beauty though. She said, “That lady doesn’t have any shoes on…and that boy is playing with a coke can…” Then she said, “When I go to Ethiopia, I’ll need to be barefoot, too. I don’t want them to see my shoes and feel bad. I’ll need to not wear any nice dresses, because I don’t want anybody to feel bad. Do you think they have baby dolls? I’ll need to bring mine for them.”

I held her hand, realizing how honest and real she was being, and how it was coming from a heart that was interested in more than when and what her next snack would be.

Then, in typical Yemi fashion, she finished her thought with: “I think I should only stay a day in Ethiopia.” “Why?” I said. “Because I wouldn’t want to leave Pajama Baby alone for too long.” “Oh, okay, ” I said. Then she screwed up her mouth and furrowed her eyebrows and said, “Buuut….Pajama Baby is kinda rude to me sometimes, so it might be okay.”

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Who Is Really Doing the Waiting?

We adopted Yemisrach, who is now six years old, in 2009. By 2011, I was asking my husband when we could start the process again. Much like labor, the pain and agony of the scary and expensive process was completely erased, and I was ready to do it again. In 2013, God put Jack in the place where he was ready to jump in, too, and within hours of him telling me (the third most exciting news ever) –that we could add to our family again– I had our application (already filled out, I sheepishly admit) in the mailbox.

That was one year ago. Our dossier was officially received on February 27, 2014, and the wait began for a referral. We have no real time frame to go by and since we are adopting from Haiti, a country whose adoption laws have went through major changes this year (all for the good), there aren’t any real guidelines to go by or other families to stalk and compare with in hopes our journey will be better or worse! In fact, I have purposely stayed out of the loop regarding other families, because every case is different and there’s just. no. telling.

But there are two things on my mind today regarding our adoption, two things I’d like to share.

One, God has been so awesome to keep me in peace and free from anxiety. He gave me this verse, from Exodus 33: “My Presence will go with you and I will give you rest.” He said this to Moses, when Moses was freaking out about something and had said, “Lord, if you are not going to go with us, then please don’t send us!” And the Lord came in a cloud that hovered over the Tent of Meeting, and that was around the time Moses face started to glow after spending time in the Presence, too. I think the Lord answered that prayer exponentially for Moses, don’t you? That was exactly my prayer in starting this adoption. And He has really done it. My attitude has been, “Thank You, Lord, that someday I get to bring more kids into our home. I’m just happy to be in the process, do it Your way.” That has been a gift, and pretty different than how I felt in our journey to Yemi…I was a basket case!

But that brings me to the second thing. For one of the very first times, now that it’s been a year, and also as there have just been so few referrals coming out of Haiti this entire year, I was feeling discouraged. I was starting to feel frustrated that our kids (even though we don’t know who they are, probably our agency does) were getting older sitting in an orphanage. I started to think about paperwork and if they were going to ask us to change the ages of preference so that those children would still fit our criteria. I started to think about how those children must feel, wondering if there is anyone who wants them or at least anyone who is physically able to take care of them, wondering if a soft bed, enough dinner, a pet, a Christmas gift, a good school, or most of all parents were going to be part of their future. I wonder, Do they have hope? Do they know what I know- that they are daily prayed for, and sought after, and that many adults are working on their behalf to get them from where they are to where they can’t even dream of yet? Do they know I have empty picture frames waiting for their sweet faces, and that my heart has an empty spot, too, that will only be filled by them in God’s redeeming plan?

In this time of prayer and thoughts, I sort of said to myself, in an effort to ease some of the hurt, “Well, this gives me more time to fundraise, and get well, and get this or that figured out, and have more time with the kids we have.” All true. Totally fine. But my heart had made a major shift. I don’t like having to wait, sure, but I’m not sad and slightly angry and praying hard for ME, a mom waiting for her children. I’m sad and slightly angry and praying hard from the perspective of these children. Not a mom waiting for children…but children waiting for a mom. There’s a big difference. I can pretty easily calm the hurt as a mom waiting for her children, because I have a wonderful, purposeful, and hope filled life right here and now. But can I calm the hurt that I am choosing to share with those kids who are waiting for parents and safety and home and enough? I really cannot.

Adoption exercises the faith muscle in a major way, just like any time you see a child in need when you can’t do anything more than what you are already doing for them. We decide in that moment that we have no choice but to completely entrust them to the Lord and place them in His hands. When we let go of something that precious, that priceless, as innocent children, into the care of the Father (who gave us this love and fierce determination to rescue in the first place), that is faith– that is the bloody, tender flesh of faith. And it hurts. And it should. And it’s okay to hurt. It’s more than okay.

He sits with the lowly, is near to the brokenhearted. Of that, we can be sure…and so His presence, that I so cherish, must be with them as well. He will always be their home and their hope, not me. He is their answer, not me. So He is showing me that my most urgent prayer for my kids, or the kids stuck in the Congo, or even kids stuck in an abusive home or bad situation, shouldn’t be a cry of “get them to their forever family, Lord” but a cry of “Lord, bring them to You.”

He is at work in the waiting.

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Freedom, Balance, and Other Things I’ve Been Missing

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One thing I see in us as a genuine value of the Kingdom is transparency.

When I was first learning who and what the Holy Spirit was, I imagined that I was a store front with glass windows and He lived inside that store. If I had lots of things blocking the window or if the windows were just terribly smudged and dirty, He couldn’t be seen when people tried to look in to find Him. Well, the windows being dirty clearly is an indication of sin, and the windows being blocked: that could be many things. But one thing it definitely is is good old fashioned pride. Not wanting anyone to see what’s really going on in there!

It takes a while for me to see pride in my heart and life; it’s like it always appears in a way I didn’t expect it to look. Always. But either way, if I am feeling like I am too wishy-washy, too immature, too emotional, too anything- I’d rather nobody know about it. I’d like to keep things tidy and organized in how I am described, you know? I don’t want to be known as the woman who pings off this wall, hits another, and comes back. I don’t want to write blogs that seemingly contradict the strong faith and/or feelings I had last week.

Quite frankly, it seems I don’t really want to be human neither do I want to appear human to others! 🙂

But I am. And I’ve got to stop judging myself so harshly for it. I’m sure that way of thinking has overflowed into my relationships with others, too, without me realizing it, and I’m sorry for that. We’re human, and we’re going to let each other down sometimes. We’re going to be wrong, irrational, messy, and need help and forgiveness and time and grace. I’m tired of feeling like if I’ve chosen a certain path I must stay to it until death! (Unless I promised until death, which is a short list there!)

So here’s where this human is right now:

My life lately has become a big fat set of to-do lists. To live on little sleep, little energy, little outlets, little relief from whatever little problems that have been wearing a hole in the rock for years means you begin surviving through a set of rules that will bring some control (I can at least do this thing on my list, so no one can say I ain’t trying!) , a little comfort (pat on the back for getting it done? I’ll take it!), and a little hope (if I am good enough at these things–my family’s nutrition, a clean house, schooling the kids in what I think is the best (read: hardest) way, being strict on diet and exercise, prayer and ministry–then maybe, just maybe, the clouds will part and I will come into a promised land!)

So that’s really all I have to say tonight. The Holy Spirit lives in me and I am wanting you to see Him, so I can let you know that I’m great some days and awful some other days, but EVERY DAY I am so fully human it hurts. I don’t know how to do this and please forgive me for the days I think I do. Once I think I am free from expectations of mine and others, I realize I’m not. Once I think I’m on the right path, it’s time to change. Once I think I’ve got balance in the areas of my life, I realize something is out of whack. I’m tired of living on a tight rope though. I’m going to accept humanity; it was one of God’s gifts to me after all.

I need help learning how to fall off that tight rope and just land where I do.

I need help learning again to be still. To listen. To stop, a lot.

I need help learning again how wonderful it is to let the Holy Spirit guide my day instead of a to-do list or an innate set of expectations of what must be cleaned, cooked, prepared, prayed for, surrendered, journaled, meditated on, practiced, given, done, accomplished…

I need help learning to have fun!

I need to learn that I can’t control what others see when they look into this transparent window. I can’t make sure what you see is a miracle of God, a clear manifestation of God’s goodness and faithfulness. You may look in and see nothing that helps your life or grows your faith, because God is not scared of what we witness and then have to struggle with. He doesn’t do damage control to His reputation; I have always wished He would, but He doesn’t. So that’s His business.

Whatever He’s doing, I hope we can have eyes to see it.

 

 

 

 

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Sister Bridge 2014: Why We Do This

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Hello Friends!

I am really excited to be kicking off our fourth season of Sister Bridge. Can you believe in three short seasons we have sent back over $35,000 to these women overseas? I am so grateful for giving this idea a try…Several years back, I ordered some product and kept ordering more and more as women in Kentucky absolutely loved it and wanted so badly to help women in much different circumstances than their own.

This year, my health has been pretty rough again, but I was still led to order these products and say, “Lord, it’s Yours. Sell it if You want! I’ll do the little I can.” I was so compelled because of the stories I have heard this year. I’ll share a couple with you.

First, when I contacted the women who runs the ministry of Beads of Java in Indonesia about ordering some more jewelry and ornaments this year, she told me that last year our order literally kept the ministry afloat. She said it may have closed down if it wasn’t for that order. And mid-Spring 2014 as sales were low, one beadmaker decided to take a job in Macau instead of stay in Indonesia working for BOJ where she was safe from human trafficking. The missionaries were so sad to see her go, because it could very well be that she was walking into a terrible situation. This ministry exists to keep women from having to turn to slavery to have food on their table, and we are proud to support them and all they do. You can help BOJ by going to their website and purchasing Christmas gifts, booking a party, or ordering and selling mass amounts like SB does.

Second, I read a book by Holly Prosser, about her life story, her adopted daughter, and her adopted daughter’s birthmother who is still living today in Ethiopia. To make a long story short, I feel like I saw a movie as I read that book; I watched a birthmother who had already run away from an abusive husband have to take two of her children to an orphanage because the only job she could get was prostitution and she refused to let her daughters grow up in that environment. As a lover of adoption, I have to say what any of us who love adoption would say: Adoption is redeeming a bad situation and helping a need. It is beautiful and we are honored to be a part of it, but adoption is only fixing something that was never meant to be. Mothers were meant to be safe, loved, and able to take care of their children, period! But since so many are not, adoption exists. Anything we can do to keep mothers safe, loved, and with their children, we will do with all our hearts…And ministries like BOJ, Timbali Crafts, Cooperative Outreach of India, and Rahab’s Rope are doing that!!! They are keeping women from having to work degrading jobs with tyrant bosses, they are providing safe and godly community and friendships, they are offering hope in the gospel of Christ and counseling, and they are changing lives.

I could say more but I’ll save it for another day…

May God bless these precious and sacrificial missionaries and ministries around the world who are taking care of Jesus as they take care of the most vulnerable women and children in our midst. And may we stand alongside them in this calling!

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Finding Peace and Purpose in Our Battles

I have been really silent for over a month. Not just on the blog, but in my home and my relationships. I’ve texted with some friends but have had days where I only said a few sentences. I just feel quiet, and my mind and heart are full of pause. They are also full of prayers.

Some friends I know and love have had loved ones pass onto eternity, as always, in a quick and shocking way.

Some other friends have had little ones in the hospital, hurting and scared.

Some have had surgeries, new medications, life on hold and upside down.

I have had an extremely hard time with fatigue through the summer, then the whole month of September was on the couch or bed due to an urgent health matter (which is healing and going to be fine).

Battles both literal and figurative raging around the world.

You can see why the pause, and why the prayers.

Here are some of my thoughts in the silence:

*There is peace in surrendering what we wanted the journey and outcome to be. If we can bow to Him, there is peace there in that humility.

In this wellness battle, I have peace because I know that I know that I know that God gives both the sunshine and the rain. He is sovereign over my life, every single aspect of it, from how I feel to the day I die. To me, any thing less than this would mean God is less powerful than the enemy, than the world, than me. I feel safe in God’s hands, and if He is not freaked out by the difficulties in our lives and the limits those difficulties put on us, then I won’t be either. I gave Him my life. This is where my talk meets my walk.

*He isn’t asking more of us than we can give.

In this past month, I also came to grips with the fact (again) that if God actually wants something out of me, He’s going to supply everything I need for that task or I am in no way required to do it. I tend to fill up my calendar with good things as soon as I feel well, then the sickness comes and I feel terrible in more than just physical ways…guilt, confusion, weariness, stress. The Lord is freeing me (again) to only serve with the strength He provides and take joy that my life and accomplishments belong to Him, not me, so how much or what I do isn’t really “mine” to worry about. It’s His. He’s slowing down the pace for me because I needed intervention in that! 

*Where do I place my trust? In my supplements and self-discipline?

Number One, I trust Jesus for my righteousness. I say that because I sometimes think, “If I was more perfect, if I was more disciplined, if God didn’t have to ‘teach me a lesson’ (I don’t believe that by the way)”, then I wouldn’t have this recurring health condition that seems to hinder my life.  False. Jesus alone covers me with righteousness and right standing with God. I don’t have to do extra, in fact, doing extra would nullify my faith in the work of Grace! May that never be so! I’m on God’s “good side” because of Jesus, period. Number Two, I trust the Holy Spirit for my power to produce fruit, because any good that comes from my life (sick OR well) is from Him. And Number Three, I trust my Father for my safety. In the palm of His hand, I can know nothing comes my way that He did not allow, and because He is good, I want what He wants. I’m all in with Him, all in. If I trust Him with my children, my future, my home in Heaven, I must trust that if He wanted things to be different in my body and life right here and now He would bring that desire to fruition! He’s my Abba.

*When I’ve done all that is in my power to do for wellness- in wisdom and knowledge, prayer and praise- I can rest and enjoy the life that has been given to me.

In our wellness battles, we always have things to be thankful for. Personally, I’m thankful I don’t have to work a full time job. I’m thankful I have a husband, precious and somewhat self-sufficient daughters ;),  a great church, and so many friends that I keep leaving people out accidentally when I’m asking for prayer support! I’m thankful I have a quiet home and a fairly simple life. I’m thankful that the ministries I’m involved in are not overwhelming but peaceful and completely powered by the Lord. Not being able or allowed to do the many other things I am saying no to actually open the door to things I forget are so important. Right now, that’s relationships. Sitting down for more than 5 minutes with people. Hearing God’s heart in prayer instead of running down a quick list. Do you know how hard it is for me to just sit still and snuggle with my kids? It’s a challenge, and I think that’s sad! While God allows this trial in my life, I pray that I learn how to do that and not let a day go by where I refuse that gift.

Someday the Lord will deliver us from our battles, in one way or another. That relief will be sweet. But until then, I want to make sure that I realize there is no waiting to live. His Presence, His will, His relationship with us, His daily mercies, the things and people He has put in our laps…that’s all NOW regardless of our various trials. There is no waiting to be in His will, waiting to be thankful, waiting to be free, waiting to live. It’s now or never!

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Sister Bridge 2014 Is Coming!

I just wanted to write a quick little blog to say:

I AM SO EXCITED about partnering with four wonderful ministries this fall!

We have merchandise from India, Swaziland, and Indonesia. There are new items from EACH ministry, plus an entirely new partner in India who makes scarves, shawls, and headbands. I’ll post pictures and a price list as soon as I have time to get it all out and organized. Our first party is September 27, and it’s not too early to book one.

You can check out the websites of these life-giving ministries we are selling for while you wait!

www.coi.org

www.rahabsrope.org

www.timbalicrafts.org

www.beadsofjava.org