An unexpected read showed up on the church library shelf: Mosaic, by Amy Grant. This is her autobiography she wrote when she was in her early 40’s, I believe. I picked it up, simultaneously feeling like a little part of my life that had been forgotten was awakened. Oh yeah! My first cassette tape!
Amy Grant was just a teenager when her youth pastor also became her producer, and I remember two of her songs so well from that first recording that I still often sing them–like 30 years later–in my quiet time or when my soul needs some soothing.
“There will never be another who has loved me like You// there will never be another who could hold me, mold me// There will never be another who could love me purely// Oh there will never be another who has loved me like You.”
“All I ever have to be is what You made me//Any more or less would be a step out of your plan//As you daily re-create me, help me always keep in mind//That I only have to do what I can find//And all I ever have to be is what You’ve made me.”
Such words of gentle strength as my personality was forming, as I was working hard already at that time to be my personal best in school, talents, and relationships. In Amy’s words, “Love Has a Hold On Me”, and it always has.
It has been really deeply moving to read this book now that I am also in my early 40’s. Although our lives don’t have a lot in common, I can tell she is a soul that just wants peace, closeness, family, grace. She loves the Lord so much, she loves the chance to use music to encourage, and goes out in nature sometimes where God touches her in extraordinary ways–these are three things we definitely have in common. There is no emotion too hard or too big for God to hear as we shout it into the cold air and just let Him have all that is too much for our hearts to carry.
I’m getting older. I have goals for how I want this second half of life to be. One of those goals is what her book whispers of: feeling free to feel, and resting, loving, being at peace, even during change.
Anyone else feel the need to take a really deep breath after that sentence? I do. I’m in a season of life where it feels hard to breathe. But part of that breathlessness is also excitement of what is ahead.
I like to think that someday I will write my own Mosaic book. Short stories that seem unrelated but that made my life, all our lives, what they are:
Surprising
Sad
Joyful
Disappointing
Scary
Messy
Beautiful
Our’s
God’s
Amazing how much I needed to hear this right now, at 44, after listening to Amy Grant while dancing in my bff’s room at 12 and meeting her thirty years later. But mostly, at (still) learning that I can be myself with the Lord of hosts who loves me most.
Yes, yes, yes!!! AH, such sweet memories and so awesome to know that the Lord is the ONE unchanging friend for life. Thank you for reading my blog and leaving a message! Connection at this time in life feels so incredibly valuable!
Lyndsay