It Is Worth It

I think I just feel that as I am feeling better and getting out into the social world again (Ah, it’s nice out there!), I might be getting out of balance. I might not be setting good enough boundaries. I don’t know. Only the Spirit of God can clue me in, and I know He will, and as I prayed about it this morning I had a peace in knowing that if I needed to, I could make about 4 phone calls and let go of everything that I have invited into my schedule. That’s nice to know.

But I think the deeper issue I’m experiencing–and this is just total honesty here because I don’t fear people’s opinions at all anymore–is that I am selfish and not content giving my full attention and giftings to these three people I have been entrusted with. I realized at Yemi’s 3 year check up today that perhaps why I am so frustrated with her and her little 3 year old behavior is because I want us all to co-exist in this house peaceably without me having to drop whatever else I’d rather be attending to. OUCH.

When I took 5 minutes to just lay in the bed alone with Yemi at her nap time today, I have never seen such smiles! (I mean, since 2 days ago when she had ice cream at her Mimi’s!) She is so good at playing alone that I guess I’ve gotten used to going about my merry way as well. Selah on the other hand is the same girl she was at birth; I can sum it up in one word. Demanding. So between Yemi really needing more attention from me and Selah needing to stop demanding more attention from me, I feel very alone and very thankful that I only have two kids! I don’t have someone rescuing me at dinnertime every night. Jack’s work schedule leaves me alone with the kids, let’s see, something like 24-6! It’s just me, and lately when someone asks me to do something (something that at some point I probably said, “Hey, if you need someone to do that sometime, give me a call”) I find myself obviously saying no but then also being a little peeved, like a cartoon character pops up in my mind and yells, “WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT FROM ME?WHAT MORE COULD I GIVE???”

It’s like if I give someone milk at breakfast, you better not cross me by asking for juice instead. Watch yourselves! 🙂 Okay, joking aside, through my counseling session at the pediatrician’s office and blogging today, I can clearly see that I have gotten in over my head and my attention needs to come back home. It really gives me joy to know that God loves my family (and me) enough to demand our priorities get straight. I hate busyness and a full mind. I want my heart and mind open for the Lord at all times. I know there are tasks to fulfill, but if there really isn’t a time and space for those tasks, it is clearly not the right season for them. Pray for me and may God bless your homes and schedules, my friends!