“I can’t understand this work of grace
how a perfect God would come and take my place…
Stars, they don’t move you
the waves can’t undo you
the mountains in their splendor cannot steal your heart;
this God who is holy
perfect in beauty
awesome in glory
is ravished by my heart…
Though I’m poor You say I am lovely
though I’m dark You say I am beautiful…
Somehow my weak glance has overwhelmed You
somehow my weak love has stolen away Your heart…”
I can’t stop singing this song, even though I have known it for over a year now. I feel like I have fallen deeper into grace than I ever have before. The fact is, I am an over achiever and while I consciously don’t realize my self righteousness, I do believe that I can accomplish my goals on my own. I am upset when I can’t. And I’ve fallen deeper into grace because this week I saw once again where my striving gets me! There truly is nothing good in me. Even if I was meeting every expectation that I set out for myself, emphasis on I, it would only be because of God’s amazing grace, strength, and help anyway. It’s crazy how in the midst of this utter realization of my power, or lack of power I should say, that is when God brings me one step deeper and farther into holiness and His path and even seemingly impossible challenges to obey. To me, this is so backwards! In my mind, I would think that if I “failed” and was truly unable, God would (at best) kinda leave me alone…but instead it seems as if He is glad I know now what He always knew, and even better, is totally crazy in love with me
As I heard someone sing last night, “I hide in the wounds of the Lamb.” This means to me that I expect to live a holy life, not a never ending cycle of sin/forgiveness that means nothing to me, but at the same time, despite my greatest hopes of how I can obey my sweet Savior, I must live in the knowledge of my desperate flesh which would overcome me without His grace.
