I have a lot to do today…and just spent an hour on the couch watching the latest episode of Drop Dead Diva and eating cookies…so I will write quickly. 🙂 The past week and a half has been such a blur for me. I really really really want to get back on my feet again, and several times I thought I was but fell down again. Not literally. That would be funny though.
Basically a week and a half ago, we gutted a part of our basement which had mold and I’ve been sleeping in Selah’s room upstairs ever since. I’ve felt tired, haven’t been making the best choices (hence the cookies), and just feel overwhelmed. Today’s Monday and I was thinking that today would start fresh and new, but I guess my whole family is zonked because we all slept 12 hours last night and weren’t exactly shining this morning.
Anyway, one thing that I am truly excited yet also overwhelmed about is that Jack and I, after so many years of talking about it, are applying for ministry positions that would take us out of Kentucky. I swing from side to side on the pendulum, thinking, “Why would we do that? because our friends and church and family are here! That’s crazy!” to “We don’t want to feel stuck in this house and this job. We want Jack to get to spend his work hours on things he cares about and is gifted in. We want to go on adventures to make us stronger as a family and couple. We don’t want to have regrets; we want our kids to have a variety of experiences!”
So, you know, I am so excited about this possibly actually happening…So excited about what may be out there for us. After what we have been through the past few years, just to imagine that way of life really being a thing of the past thrills me. Sickness and bad work experience gone. Wouldn’t that be amazing? Already, this summer has amazed me. Getting to make this CD, getting to do such fun things with my kids, getting to homeschool and be involved in enrichment, getting to lead worship at church sometimes…those were all things I had completely died to. I surrendered them and did not expect them to come back around, but God had perfect timing. In fact, when they came back around, they came back to an entirely new person. The absence of all of those things changed me, because I found the Lord in such a fresh all consuming way. He is my Life, and all these details of what I’m involved in and how I spend my time are led by Him, but they are not my life. They are not my priority or the real meat of my existence. They’re just what I do with this body as He fills it. That may sound really strange, but to me it changes everything.
So, back to being overwhelmed…I just need a few faithful days under my belt, days where by God’s dwelling in me I make good choices and lead my self into submission. I wrote myself a note one day a while back, saying, “How about if you just stop falling into the pit in the first place, friend? Then you won’t have to do all this work to get out of it.” Duh, right? This one took me by surprise, and I definitely feel a Hand reaching down to help. The knowledge that I cannot stand on my own two feet is a remarkable help because it reminds me to come to Him instead of muster up something good in me…