Yemi is watching the last five minutes of Elmo’s World, which she loves. She’s wearing a little apron and playing in her kitchen at the same time. It’s fun to be with her every morning! Selah is at school, her 9th day of kindergarten. I have such mixed feelings every time I go into her room. I think she would be bored if she were home with me, because I just don’t have the mojo to keep her going all day–and maybe I shouldn’t have to, but until I figure out how all of us can survive in this same space 12 hours a day and be happy, this is the right thing to do! I am still deeply in prayer about sending her to school vs. homeschool.
I do not believe that there is one across the board answer for every parent, such as “homeschooling is the only way for your kids to be raised in the admonition of the Lord.” However, I need to know if God is telling us specifically that His calling on Selah’s life does require her to be homeschooled. That is my prayer, and I have to trust Him to tell me. Right now, I feel sad that she is gone, and I often think of things we would be doing if she was home. But at the same time, I am glad she is having this experience, and when she gets home we jump into the most important things that we used to do together, things that are the priority of our lives. I am so concerned that these things are her priority–the Word, worship, learning how to be more like Jesus, the nations, hearing the Lord personally–but I’m not sure that staying home with me every day is the way this will happen. For myself, these priorities happen through some things at home, like disciplines, but even more so they happen as I live out my daily life, in relationships, goals, difficulties, even conflicts.
Also under the category of “life today”, I am struggling big time with my health again. I feel like it is affecting me even mentally and emotionally this time; I would say the blame falls on myself and on attack of the enemy. There are a list of things I know in my heart I have to do right now in order to be well and feel focused. I’m sure everyone has these things in mind. For me, I see these daily things as obedience, not just a good idea…therefore, I’ve had to repent of my laziness and bad choices! It’s been hard. Do I ever get a break from trying my best to live this wise life? When I “take a break”, I am the one who ends up suffering. Hopefully I will learn that soon! In the meantime, I am taking one day at a time, knowing I cannot obey these simple callings on my own. I am leaning on my Beloved. I am coming to Him all day. I am lost without Him. I don’t know how other people feel. I would assume they feel a lot more stable…but I just don’t. I will again though, with the help of the Lord.
Obedience is serious. I am definitely in a time of the discipline of the Lord right now (Heb. 12), and I have tasted the fruit…it’s worth it. I just have to remember He disciplines those He loves. I will be stronger and more able to serve Him and be where He is at, through obeying these simple (yet all consuming) callings on my life right now. Guess that’s enough processing through this for today!