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Believing God for the Grievers

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

There is so much grief surrounding us right now.

I have been thinking about how in many parts of the world, that grief never lifts.

I would assume many people become numb to it, becoming accustomed to constant loss.

But most of us here in America aren’t accustomed to constant loss, death, disease, epidemics, or the absolute worst: having a child die before their parent.

But in our community, over the past few weeks and thinking back to a few years ago, we have lost so so so many young people. Each of their families will never be the same, and there is a somberness we all feel in knowing that. I think that’s appropriate. I think we are learning sorrow and joy can co-exist and they must. I think we are learning life is short and we have to stay focused on what truly matters.

Lately, I’ve been telling my kids in light of college applications, test scores, making teams, having a boyfriend or not, all they could worry about, etc. : All that really matters is your peace with God.

Emphasis on God.

How do we carry the pain of grief when something so final and so terrifying happens to someone we know?

We humbly and confidently expect God to show up in the fullest extent of His power and love for them.

We boil it all down to Him and what His Word says He is and what His Word says He can do.

We place our TRUST that HIS power, HIS healing, HIS closeness, and HIS sufficiency is going to rush in, comfort, hold, mend, strengthen, uphold, counsel, and bring life to the grievers – to those left behind to learn how to live again.

We join in their grief by joining in their faith, upholding their faith even if they can’t feel or say or believe anything right now.

I don’t know the right words to say, and this message isn’t for the grievers. It’s for those who love those grievers. As we give money, support in any way we can, help with kids, clean or cook, show up to memorial services, cry and sit and visit and send cards, or pray from afar, this is what we hold onto…for them, for ourselves, because reconciling loss affects us all.

Every one of us will go through loss and sorrow personally. When we do, what do we want people to do for us? What do we want them to hold onto alongside us?

For me, I know the answer.

I want people to trust the Lord with me.

I want people to trust that God is going to reveal a part of Himself to me in my raw heart break that I have never seen before.

I want people to trust that because He lives, I can and will face tomorrow.

As we mourn, as we question, as we despair, as we numb out, as we lay there, as we cry, as we try to function again, we can also believe that God’s power can and will do the impossible.

If He can make a crumpled hand stretch out…

if He can make lung tissue begin to swell with breath again after days in the tomb…

if He can forgive a murderer, if He can welcome all of us into perfect eternity after all our failures…

if He can promise resurrection life of our actual bodies and our actual souls so that anyone who comes to Him will never die and never be lost for good…

He can make a way for grievers and sufferers to thrive again – attached to the Vine, bearing fruit, living, loving, giving, breathing, glowing, reflecting His light in a dark world – consoling others in their afflictions in the same way they received consolation from God. And until that day, He can live in their heart and mind and body through the power of the Holy Spirit and give them each breath that they need, each thought that they need to make it another day.

I choose to believe this. I choose to believe He will be who every mourner will find with them at the very rock bottom of their pit. I choose to believe we daily need to feed our faith so that when it is our time, while we still face all the horrors of physical, mental, and emotional trauma, we know there is only One whose fellowship, whose closeness, can really heal.

For anyone reading this now, the Word of God is alive. When we eat of it, we become more alive. If death is surrounding your heart and mind, He is calling your name out of death and into life–calling your attention to Him and a life in the Spirit, an inner life that will never die. As we sow seed to this inner life, this life in Christ, the things of the world become less important and the mind set on the Him is life and peace. (Romans 8, Colossians 3, Isaiah 26:3) This life is passing. It is shakeable. But we are called into a life hidden with Him, and His refuge, His arms, are there for us every time we cannot handle our earthly senses another moment. He longs to hold us, renew us, and then send us back with new strength. (Isaiah 40:31) Let us grow and deepen that part of us that cannot be shaken.

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Exchanges

Life in Christ is all about exchanges.

He exchanges our sin and failures for right standing with God.

He exchanges our focus on this fleshly life for a focus on what really matters, a Matthew 6:33 life, where we are seeking His Kingdom and His righteousness first, allowing the “other stuff” to be taken care of by the Father according to His perfect timing and love.

And He also exchanges our daily sadness, confusion, and weariness for Joy, Clarity, and Strength.

Let’s talk about that for a minute.

There is a time to grieve….a time to question, think, sit…and a time to rest, do nothing, let go.

These are necessities for growth, just like off days when you work out hard: You have to give muscles the chance to stretch back out after tightening, tearing. That’s how they grow.

But then your weakness is exchanged for strength.

Our training as believers, spiritually, is to keep going through pain, fires, trials, conflicts, disappointments, personal struggles, yet each time learning to come with them to Jesus and go through the process of an exchange!

We can experience trauma without becoming victims.

We can experience loss without becoming empty.

We can experience stress and pressure without becoming numb, hopeless, angry, and sick.

This is the power of Christ in us.

This is one of the benefits of seeking first His Kingdom, and living – in our hearts – already in His family, His Kingdom, not necessarily with our eyes on Heaven (like as in the “sweet by and by”) but on JESUS, the Author and Perfecter of our faith who endured the cross and sat down at the right hand of God the Father. He is reigning, He is loving, He is giving daily manna, for those in the Kingdom – even though our earthly lives are set in a disturbing, ever shaken, ever darkening place.

But this is the power of His exchange. This is where we have light in darkness. This is where we have peace in chaos.

We have to choose whether or not we will make the exchange.

Each day, I feel like Jesus says, “You can do this or You can let Me live and love through you. You can continue to just survive this job – relationship – time of healing – or You can fall into my arms and we will do this together. You can keep your eyes on the problem, or you can put your eyes on Me. I can be your obsession, your waking thought – My strength, My wisdom, My Word – or you will be obsessed with your own process and progress…It is your choice.”

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Singleness is hard. Parenting is hard. Not parenting is hard. Work is hard. Not working is hard. Health is hard. Money is hard. People are hard. Not having people is hard!

But through Philippians 4:4-6 and Colossians 3:1-17 and James 1 and 2 Peter 1:3-11, actually the entirety of God’s Word, we see we have an opportunity for a continuous exchange of our thoughts for His, our perspectives for His, our goals for His, our wisdom for His…

And as He once gave His life for us, we give it back to Him.

Yes, we give up a lot in this exchange, relatively speaking…

But I can’t help but say, on the other side of the exchange that I made at one time and that I daily make, there is no true, real, abundant life without forsaking my life to hide myself in Him.

When I give Him my pain, yes, I may also be giving Him my freedom to do what I want with my life – but how was I planning to make it through life lugging that pain around anyway? How far was I going to get?

When I give Him my anger, yes, I may also be giving Him my money and what makes me feel safe and what I expected out of a relationship – but those three things were always an illusion and I’m better off without living my life trying to control them.

One of the methods of exchange – practically speaking – is worship and thanksgiving. When I give God my praise, in the midst of the battle, in the midst of the sorrows or questions, He goes and does something miraculous.

We can cast our cares, our sins, our failures, and everyone else’s, too, that are weighing heavy on our minds and hearts, clogging our avenue to peace and joy. We can lay them down…We can bless His Name…We can cling to His living Word…

We can come, and keep coming, for the joy of the Lord is our strength.

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A Little Look

I don’t really know where to begin. I am choosing to restrain myself from writing about everything all at once…in fact, I have a new goal in blogging that some of you will be really happy about! 500 word cut-off! Whoo!

That was 40 right there. Wow.

So, Jack and I went to Haiti this summer & spent two weeks getting to know the girls that will someday be our daughters. It was wonderful & weird, precious & difficult, all at the same time. Once that trip was completed, other pieces of the process could begin, so we were thrilled to finally be at that point.

We came home to a whirlwind of summer plans with our girls here (ages 7 & 10), and then they began school just a couple of weeks ago. I quickly dove into beginning and updating lifebooks for my girls, studying Haitian Creole, taking care of my inner life, and teaching music lessons while they are gone during the day.

One thing that has made all the difference in the world to me is my daily prayer time. I’ve been using the resources The Power of a Praying Parent and The Power of a Praying Wife to pray specifically for the people under my care. I genuinely feel like I am living out Philippians 4 that tells us the peace of Christ will guard our hearts and minds as we present our needs to Him, with thanksgiving. I’m thankful that every need I bring to the Lord He knew about, and my prayers are more about me reminding myself of His awareness, power, and love than anything else! It’s a truly remarkable difference. I am not afraid anymore. I’m not afraid of not praying enough or not remembering to say exactly the thing I’m asking for in exactly the right way. Oh, how small in my eyes that makes my God and how big in my eyes it makes me! The truth is my Father has got “my people” in the palm of His hand, and that absolutely includes my girls in Haiti and my girls in public school. He has so much restoration and solace for their souls, and my prayers are simply in agreement with & gratitude for His already-great plans for them.

We are currently waiting for our Authorization of Adoption, which usually takes 4-6 months, which means we should get ours between the end of October and the end of December. We’re praying that God will spur people in Haiti to make this process happen in a more reasonable time period. After that Authorization comes, there is another 6-8 months of the process.

Proverbs 21:30 tells us (and this is no isolated verse here!): “There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord.”

I don’t know what God wants to do in the seen realm about this adoption process, but I have no doubt in my mind (and am seeing with my own eyes) that He is the One in control & that He is providing for every need.

Take joy, little children, we have a good Father!!!!!