Posted on

Saying Hello

It is always hard to say goodbye to an era, to a season you were highly invested in. There’s a loss and it deserves time, and I believe time is healing. But time itself is not enough…

How do we move on, really, in wholeness and peace and new motivation?

For me, the loss is relatively quite small. It’s the end of my homeschooling era. It’s the end of my “family years” with Selah. It’s entering mid-life, leaving behind the skin and body (and sometimes brain) of a younger me.

Others have more grievous losses, like the death of a child, a major job transition, or a health scare or long term disability.

We know in our heightened focus on mental and emotional health that we can’t shove all this down. We can’t just keep busy until we forget. We can’t self-medicate with idols like overeating and numbing out.

We have to make room for it.

Some ideas for that are to write in a lament journal, just taking time to write when the sadness or confusion hits; prayers written to God who does grieve with us. Sometimes we need to take time off to caress our senses with beauty outdoors, friendships, and things we enjoy- as opposed to bingeing Netflix and ice cream. Sometimes we need to talk with someone regularly who will ask questions to make our minds wake up and sweep out the places we don’t want to go inside, finding fears and core beliefs that drive our thoughts, then feelings, then words and actions.

Healing, letting go, and moving on is an actual journey…a process…and like any good journey or process, there is an end. We are created to be resilient and heal! Skin, neural pathways, feelings- they don’t stay the same. When damaged, they can be renewed. Our hearts, our hurts, our disappointments, our memories can also be renewed and restored through the power and healing of Jesus. He can do it anyway He chooses- in an instant, or through a long journey. But just like Joseph, we can know that the timing has purpose. It is making us, molding us, and we can willingly go with that current or never see that God is there driving a current at all.

So the key is surrender. The key is surrender to an awareness of a bigger picture, of a great big God, of others in need, and of the short time we have here to run in the path He has for us. The key is surrendering not only to God’s work in our story, but surrendering to being a part of His story.

When we left Selah at college, knowing I was entrusting her to God like never before, there was this moment in worship where the lyrics were:

“Oh Christ be magnified~on the altar of my life~oh Christ be magnified in me.”

And I realized, my life being laid down—my surrender—day by day as a parent, and in the other ways I try to trust and obey Him, is for no other reason than to be a willing part of His story.

So, now it’s time to say hello not to the next chapter in my life or my family’s life, but to the page of the seemingly unseen story my life is a part of. Do I have choices, do I have feelings? Yes and yes! But I choose to get excited about His story over mine. The memory of Lyndsay Taylor on the earth will at some point be long gone; but what Jesus did through my simple, transparent, messy life surrendered to Him will actually remain!

I’m going to close with this thought. When we pray for God’s will to be done in our lives, what is our motivation? Is it to see a life that at the end we can say we “did right”; are we praying this in hopes of it all going fairly well?

Or do we pray “Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven” to surrender to our smallness, praying that the reality of our lives – whatever He allows – will make a clear way for others to see Him?

God ~ You areJehovah Rapha, Healer ~ You are Jehovah Jireh, Provider ~ please bring joy into our processes and pain, as we surrender them to Your purposes, for Your glory and Kingdom plans in the world!
Amen.

Posted on

Righteousness & Restoration at the Cross & the Empty Tomb

As soon as I understood the significance of Jesus dying on the cross for me and rising again, I was thankful. I was in awe. I knew it mattered, even if I hadn’t lived a lot of life yet.

Then after some times of wandering, when I truly saw my sin and felt shame for the first time, the cross held even more value. He was willing to carry my punishment and give me a clean slate. That amazed me and still leads me to amazed, thankful, worship today.

Now as I study trauma and try to reconcile what cannot be reconciled – a good God and the rampant abuse hurting innocent people – I stand in awe of the cross of Christ and His resurrection for new reason. And I want to elaborate on that a little bit today in an effort to explain what I’m beginning to grasp!

Jesus took our sins we have committed upon Himself, and that made us righteous – justified- just as if we had never sinned.

We know this and celebrate it well.

But He also took upon His body and psyche the sins committed against us, the things done to us, and that made us capable of total restoration.

How? How does the cross and the empty tomb promise total restoration of these griefs and traumas we endure?

Just as sure as we can believe in the total righteousness He earned for us on the cross, we can believe in the total restoration He earned for us in the resurrection.

Will we sin? Yes, unfortunately. Will we undergo trauma at the hands of others? Yes, unfortunately. So, yes, we do have these realities in our lives!

But the weight and the power that the sin and the harm had has been stripped of its life altering agony, in Jesus’s name.

That weight and power was placed on Jesus INSTEAD and He overcame it. He overcame the hopelessness. He overcame the shame. He overcame the despair. He was crushed, but didn’t stay down. He made it to where what should have ended us does not have to.

Because of the cross and the empty tomb, all wrongs are given the proper wrath from God.

That wrath either falls on the sinner, who is unrepentant, or it fell on Jesus. The rightful wrath of God is no longer upon any of us who plead the blood of Jesus over our lives. We are forgiven and can walk away from the heaviness of our own sin, and we can know that those who have wronged us are being held into account, 100%. When we want God alone to be the accuser, the judge, and the executor of His wrath, we have stepped into true forgiveness and can even pray for our abusers – Lord, have mercy, because He takes sin more seriously than even we do. He can take our wrath we are holding against ourselves and others, and fully execute it rightfully. When we stop carrying wrath and unforgiveness, we are already moving toward that total restoration that is ours in Christ!

Satan can no longer keep a victim bound to their brokenness nor can he keep a sinner bound to his sin.

He was reduced to merely lying to people about being a slave to the power of sin and the power of trauma. Oh yes, they’re real. But the weight of these things, the eternal baggage, was ALL put on ONE MAN at ONE TIME, thwarting Satan’s plans to attach sin, pain, and trauma to ALL MEN at ALL TIMES.

In the resurrection, Jesus showed He was able to endure this and literally get up and walk away – restored to new life! No one in the world could do that besides Him!

But now, because He did, so can we.

Will we? That’s up to us. Satan wants us to think we can’t, but that’s a lie. Our sins and the sins done to us do not have the power we thought they did, in Jesus’s name. Just as total righteousness can be ours in Christ Jesus, so can total restoration!

While I’ll never understand why some aren’t protected from the worst of mankind’s sins, at the cross and the empty tomb I see Satan’s plans for that sin and trauma declared empty and powerless for all who will believe in Jesus. As we suffer, we have hope; as we wait for the redemption of our bodies, our souls can be well as we trust in Him, the One who has felt it all, hit the ground, and got back up again.

Posted on

Welcome to 2023

It seems like people are saying that New Year’s Resolutions and finding “a word for the year” are OUT.

But y’all! New Year’s is my favorite holiday for this very reason! (And that it’s my anniversary – love you, honey!)

I LOVE getting re-focused and defining my hopes and plans for the year. Am I going to do all the things I plan on every single day? Nope! Am I going to mess up along the way? Yes! But as I look forward to 2023, I know in my heart that God wants my face resolutely pointed in a certain direction. Ultimately, that direction is towards Him!

My resolutions this year are almost entirely about this one particular feature of mine that gets me in a lot of trouble…maybe you can relate:

My mouth.

Ugh.

So, number one-

By God’s grace, I will try to be mindful in my words and responses, especially in the area of not complaining or arguing. I’m going to apologize if I realize I was arguing or complaining. I want to really think before I respond, correct, or say anything at all. This is mostly in regard to my husband and kids, but also in regard to my not-thinking-through-my-quick-yeses-on-text. I will grow with the Holy Spirit’s help to be quicker to listen, slower to speak, and slower to anger.

Number two-

You guessed it. Again, by God’s grace, I want to eat in a way that is grateful, peaceful, and glorifying to God. I want to keep food in its rightful place, and enjoy it but steward my body well. In particular, I want to change my habits regarding sweets. I’m starting out the year with a sugar fast in preparation (physically and spiritually) for my trip to Ethiopia, and after that, I will likely have a moderate amount on the weekends unless I can just continue on with the fast (which would be ideal). When I say by God’s grace, I mean it. Sweets are the comfort of choice for me, and I know I take it too far sometimes.

So, since nothing changes unless you make a change, what do you resolve to focus a little more on this year?

Are you at a crossroads? I honestly think we all are. There are decisions to make: To either sense God is having you stay put and stay on task with joy, or to sense that He is refining you by some new means! Both require His power, His guidance, His presence, and OUR listening, obedient hearts.

What do you most need? What is your greatest frustration?

These things can change or at least your part in them, or your perspective of them, can.

Lord,

We end the holiday season today and we’ve been reminded that Your light has come, but we still live in this dark world with lots of worries and even our homes, bodies, minds, and churches don’t always feel like safe places. Jesus, abide with us! Draw us and our loved ones so near to You, like never before, because if You do not draw us, we will not come. All of our hope is in You and Your strong love that chases us all the days of our lives. Help us to seek You and TRUST Your Word, Your actions, Your plan.

Amen.

Posted on

Exchanges

Life in Christ is all about exchanges.

He exchanges our sin and failures for right standing with God.

He exchanges our focus on this fleshly life for a focus on what really matters, a Matthew 6:33 life, where we are seeking His Kingdom and His righteousness first, allowing the “other stuff” to be taken care of by the Father according to His perfect timing and love.

And He also exchanges our daily sadness, confusion, and weariness for Joy, Clarity, and Strength.

Let’s talk about that for a minute.

There is a time to grieve….a time to question, think, sit…and a time to rest, do nothing, let go.

These are necessities for growth, just like off days when you work out hard: You have to give muscles the chance to stretch back out after tightening, tearing. That’s how they grow.

But then your weakness is exchanged for strength.

Our training as believers, spiritually, is to keep going through pain, fires, trials, conflicts, disappointments, personal struggles, yet each time learning to come with them to Jesus and go through the process of an exchange!

We can experience trauma without becoming victims.

We can experience loss without becoming empty.

We can experience stress and pressure without becoming numb, hopeless, angry, and sick.

This is the power of Christ in us.

This is one of the benefits of seeking first His Kingdom, and living – in our hearts – already in His family, His Kingdom, not necessarily with our eyes on Heaven (like as in the “sweet by and by”) but on JESUS, the Author and Perfecter of our faith who endured the cross and sat down at the right hand of God the Father. He is reigning, He is loving, He is giving daily manna, for those in the Kingdom – even though our earthly lives are set in a disturbing, ever shaken, ever darkening place.

But this is the power of His exchange. This is where we have light in darkness. This is where we have peace in chaos.

We have to choose whether or not we will make the exchange.

Each day, I feel like Jesus says, “You can do this or You can let Me live and love through you. You can continue to just survive this job – relationship – time of healing – or You can fall into my arms and we will do this together. You can keep your eyes on the problem, or you can put your eyes on Me. I can be your obsession, your waking thought – My strength, My wisdom, My Word – or you will be obsessed with your own process and progress…It is your choice.”

Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Singleness is hard. Parenting is hard. Not parenting is hard. Work is hard. Not working is hard. Health is hard. Money is hard. People are hard. Not having people is hard!

But through Philippians 4:4-6 and Colossians 3:1-17 and James 1 and 2 Peter 1:3-11, actually the entirety of God’s Word, we see we have an opportunity for a continuous exchange of our thoughts for His, our perspectives for His, our goals for His, our wisdom for His…

And as He once gave His life for us, we give it back to Him.

Yes, we give up a lot in this exchange, relatively speaking…

But I can’t help but say, on the other side of the exchange that I made at one time and that I daily make, there is no true, real, abundant life without forsaking my life to hide myself in Him.

When I give Him my pain, yes, I may also be giving Him my freedom to do what I want with my life – but how was I planning to make it through life lugging that pain around anyway? How far was I going to get?

When I give Him my anger, yes, I may also be giving Him my money and what makes me feel safe and what I expected out of a relationship – but those three things were always an illusion and I’m better off without living my life trying to control them.

One of the methods of exchange – practically speaking – is worship and thanksgiving. When I give God my praise, in the midst of the battle, in the midst of the sorrows or questions, He goes and does something miraculous.

We can cast our cares, our sins, our failures, and everyone else’s, too, that are weighing heavy on our minds and hearts, clogging our avenue to peace and joy. We can lay them down…We can bless His Name…We can cling to His living Word…

We can come, and keep coming, for the joy of the Lord is our strength.

Posted on

Weakness

One thing I have learned as an adult – a truth I actually really love – is that it’s okay to be weak.

Those A’s don’t matter in the long run.

That trophy will end up in your mom’s basement.

How long it took to run that mile isn’t really that interesting to anyone besides us.

How many times we had to take the CPA exam or whatever scary test of brilliance we personally have endured is quickly old news.

For me, it’s the fact that I finished college as Homecoming Queen and Miss Campbellsville University only to move to Africa and be so sick I had to come home.

For me, it’s the fact that I started to get my Masters upon coming home, but never got farther than the acceptance letter because I needed so much sleep and healing.

For me, it’s also realizing right here and now at 44 years old, that I have no real credentials that the world would give me any recognition for at all. If I wanted a full time income right now, my resume would be unimpressive despite the life experience of the past 20-something years…and not only all of this, but if I wanted to work full time, I would probably collapse of exhaustion on week two! That feels pretty weak when so many around me are pulling it off (somehow!)

So here’s the thing.

Okay, two things, that I have to remember and will pass on to anyone else who can resonate with what I’m saying:

  1. We are living for a different Kingdom and a different King than this world and man. Our understanding of strength and success must be different, too.
  2. We often think we are the actors on the stage and that this life, this story, is about us. But it’s not.

As sad as it may sound to some of us overachievers, our role in this story is not hero. It’s damsel in distress. It’s junkie in prison. Or worse.

The world needs to see this.

That we are the saved, not the saviors.

That we are the beloved, not the ones who loved first.

That we are the filled, because without Him, we are an empty shell.

The world needs to see 1 Peter 4:11, that we serve with the strength God provides, so that all glory goes to the Son.

The world needs to see a picture of grace and joy coming to people who have just as many problems and weaknesses as they do. 2 Corinthians 12: 9 reminds us that, truly, God’s power shows up best when we will admit utter dependency on Him, for His power is made perfect in our weakness.

So to all the regrets and failures, the pride and fear, the mistakes and times I was the weakest link, and to all the fault lines I’ll live on in the future as well:

“Thank you for reminding me I am not God and was never meant to be.“

And to the Lord:

“Thank You for joyfully making a way for us to be fully reconciled and fully qualified for the most precious identity and calling we could have–to simply be Your’s.“

Posted on

Gifts, Not Problems

Okay, friends. Enter if you dare. I’m about to put my big girl panties on and talk about something with no worries about stepping on toes!

Money is not a problem. Money is a gift.

Food is not a problem. Food is a gift.

Children are not problems. Children are gifts.

Other people are not problems. Human beings are gifts.

Opinions are not problems. Opinions are gifts.

Health, mobility, our bodies, exercise are not problems. They are gifts.

Gifts are to be received with gratitude! Not worry, entitlement, fear/hanging onto them too tightly, or always looking over on someone else’s grass!

We have to stop thinking about what we don’t have (even if that thing is a career or children, really important things!) and consider what we do have.

Sure, change what you can when you can, if your motives are right and God allows, but for Heaven’s sake, we have to learn to steward well this list of things we already have and stop being crybabies! He who is faithful in little will be given the responsibility of more. Take care of your territory and perhaps the Lord will enlarge it, or perhaps He will help you see just how wonderful your little yard is.

Everything and everyone in our lives right now is either because we put it there or God gave it or a mix of the two. We have to take ownership of this, and therefore understand whether it was God or a mistake we have made, He will use that circumstance, or that seeming “lack”, to work out Christlikeness in us. This is His promise and it is a good promise! Whatever the cause of what you have or don’t have, let it go, and move forward in wisdom where you are today.

Posted on

What Are We Afraid Of

I don’t think it’s always necessary to get answers to have peace.

I’m not sure that an answer is even what our hearts are really craving.

It’s kind of like math.

Just being able to set up the problem correctly means you are 90% there. Just picking out the right formula to use–isn’t that more than half the battle? (And yes, using the word “battle” is totally appropriate when talking about math! Not an exaggeration at all! lol)

So, what are we afraid of?

We are afraid of problems, of bad news, of loved ones going through hard times. We are afraid of messing up or missing out; afraid of someone else messing up or making us miss out. There’s more. Lots more. But ultimately I think we are afraid of pain. Mental, emotional, physical, social…

But what if we were to see that pain isn’t really the most painful thing?

What if we were to see that fear is…

Now we have “set up” our problem correctly.

When pain comes, as believers, we can believe that we will have everything we need to make it through and even become more like Jesus through that trial. As children of God, we can know we will be comforted and held even when the unthinkable happens. We can find purpose, a stronger more fruitful faith, and even remember His promises about all things working out for good. We don’t want pain, and it may still feel unbearable at times, but we see when it happens that we have a refuge and strength we didn’t experience in the easier moments of life. There is grace for it, in good measure. Feeling any negative emotions feels awful, but God created us with the capacity to heal, to sit with sorrow and joy at the same time, and to live again.

Pain is a reality, in every life.

But fear is a different story.

Sometimes pain is a visitor that won’t go away; it just needs to sit with us sometimes, always longer than we would like. Acceptance and time help a lot.

But fear is the enemy and we don’t have to entertain him, not for one minute. Accepting fearful thoughts and beliefs for long periods of time will only build a life of unnecessary pseudo-pain.

What if the children of God were marked by viciously refusing to be worriers at all? Can you even imagine the difference in your life and others you know if we understood that the sin of letting fear and worry run amok in our brains is more of a problem in our lives than the actual real process of facing pain when it visits?

Do we know in Whom we have placed our trust or do we not?

I am so convicted and truly amazed at how setting up the problem more clearly is in itself an answer…

Saint Therese of Lisieux said this:

“I had to pass through many trials before reaching the haven of peace, before tasting the delicious fruits of perfect love and complete abandonment to God’s Will.”

God can have the victory before, during, and after pain.

Be not afraid.

Posted on

2020

It was supposed to be a time of vision…clear 20/20 vision.

I have shaken my head wondering how this year could be so lacking in that one virtue!

But today, I saw a different perspective.

It’s important to note that 2020, the pandemic, the election, and the police issues/riots haven’t brought fear, racism, and ugliness, but merely exposed them.

We are now seeing what was already there in our culture, in our hearts, in our trust (or lack of trust) in God. Our weakness may have been veiled by busyness and routine and ease. We feel like we are walking in a daze now, but what if we were walking in a daze then instead?

Can we choose to see, can we focus, on what matters now?

God is the God of 2020. He is the Lord and the King! He is still the Savior! He made this year and every day in it. It is not a dumpster fire, it’s a refining fire. It’s not cursed, it is blessed. We can choose to see.

God is not confused or scattered or complaining. He is so steady. He is so stable. He is so good. He can handle every big emotion we can bring. His arms are open. He isn’t ready to write off this year. He has so many good things to accomplish!

2020 is peeling back the skin and opening up the ribs for an emergency open heart surgery, and we are propped open and exposed. All year long we have felt tender to the touch. What part of our hearts, what valve, what artery, needs repair? Individually, collectively? In society, in the Church?

Our reaction to this surgery is only step one. Many of us are stuck there.

2020 is not over. Can we take this “2020 Year of Vision” and say it is truly time to seek the Lord, see His hand, and see our next step?

I love the old hymn so much—

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

and the things of earth will grow strangely dim

in the light of His glory and grace.

Posted on

Safety

The word safety. It doesn’t cross my mind very often at all, honestly. I am not a worst-case scenario thinker, ever. But I didn’t realize how much the word safety mattered to me until this weekend.

No, I wasn’t physically scared. Nothing happened to my kids. At least not that I could see or hear. But in some time of prayer and studying God’s Word with other women, I was able to see just how the word safety made me feel and how I was missing it in my life, and how I wasn’t helping others around me feel it very well, either.

I have known for a while, probably since the schools didn’t open back up like they normally do in August, that I was struggling with fear and anxiety. Fear of failure, fear of difficulty beyond my ability to cope, fear of a breakdown, fear of looking irresponsible to others, fear of other people’s emotions and reactions, and fear of my own emotions and reactions were gripping me all day long. Once I could put words to it, that helped but when the Lord brought the word SAFE to my mind, I felt everything in me EXHALE.

I am safe. No matter what. Jesus and I cannot be separated. His love cannot be bound to the same earthly rules the other people and situations play by. I am not God, I am just me, and I am safe. And the other what-if’s are so lesser that they now feel irrelevant.

Then I began thinking about my kids, and their tears when they try to read and understand a paragraph as I homeschool them, but ask them to attempt something independently. Their shutting down when I, with frustration, let them know I’m disappointed that a job wasn’t remembered…again. Yes, they need to learn responsibility for school and work; but we have a lot of focus on that already. No one will ever accuse me of skipping that lesson! But was I teaching the lesson, am I teaching the lesson, that they are safe. Held. Okay. Enough. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally. Always.

I’m not going to be perfect, they’re not going to be perfect. But I am safe in the love of my Father and my family, and they are safe in the love of theirs’. That is something to breathe in deeply and celebrate!

Our job is remind ourselves and remind each other…in both word and deed.

I speak safety to you, in the strong and sweet name of Jesus, who made our calling and standing in the favor and kindness of God the most solid thing we will ever ever ever ever own.

Posted on

Freedom, Day Two: Serving

Oh my, how this can be a tricky subject. Christians definitely fall on every point of the spectrum in regard to service in the church and the world. There are those who believe no amount of sacrifice is ever enough and there are those who believe no sacrifice is necessary because we are just here to glorify God by enjoying life. Despite what we are told sometimes, this is what God is telling me:

I’m free to serve with the strength and resources God provides, and I reject all compulsion to do more.

See, I’m extremely sensitive to this Christian pep rally thing where we come together and someone yells at us to do more and be more for the Kingdom. Jesus speaks to me in a whisper. He knows my heart and He knows your’s, too. When you give your life to Him, there should be a constant unraveling of your life and your wants as He builds the tapestry of your new life, the one that looks more like Him and His wants. If that’s not happening, talk to Him about it! If you aren’t more compelled on the inside to live an unselfish life, Jesus’s life is not being formed in you and y’all do need to have a talk! He will gently do that transformation; He’s the only One who can. But being told no matter how tired you are, no matter what you’re going through, you should be fostering kids, you should be giving more money, you should be teaching this class…nope, nope, and nope. The only “should” I can say is that if you are a believer, you should be spending time with Him in the Word and then you will grow in using your gifts and sacrificing how He says to.

Just to unpack this a quick minute more:

There is fleshly compulsion and there is Holy Spirit conviction. (Very different!)

There is serving to be known and needed, and there is serving for an audience of One.

There is a mentality of prayer and wisdom, and there’s the mentality of “Well, this has to get done and no one else will do it.”

There’s trust that God really does have the causes you care about under control, and there’s the blaming and judging of others (or yourself) for not doing enough.

A few questions you can ask yourself when trying to decide if you are being convicted by the Holy Spirit or just a victim of guilt and compulsion:

-Has God given me the time, strength, and resources to do this ministry, to invest in this relationship, to take on this task or commitment?

-Are there other commitments He has given me that would clearly be ignored or done poorly if I do this?

-Is there anything I can rearrange financially or in the schedule that is possibly self-serving or a little too focused on my family, in order to make a space for this opportunity to serve? 

2 Corinthians 9:6-15 and 1 Peter 4:7-19 have much more to say on this topic, and I encourage you to check these passages out! When we serve in the strength He provides, we are a loving and even happy member of community giving all the glory to God. Is that the model you see in your church? Is that how people would describe you? 

It can be.