I am truly breathing out gratefulness today. I have a blurry mind full of bits and pieces of images, words, and feelings, but it’s all good. I’m thinking about how girls in Bible study last night said that beauty is defined to them as “inner peace in the midst of chaos”, that huge smile Yemi gave me when she turned around in her stroller to look at me today, and the wonderful feeling of my soft blankets which I crashed in just a bit ago!
It crosses my mind often: I live a charmed life! It is so cool to be able to like what you have and love where you are and what you’re doing. I am obviously so blessed to have 2 healthy and radiant daughters, much more energy and health than I have had in years, a wonderful and supportive extended family, my dear husband, and the list truly does go on. But it does occur to me that there have been plenty of seasons of life where I had lots of beautiful God gifts in my life but still was hoping for one thing more, one something more.
I am just breathing out gratefulness today because God has given me the grace and peace to live MY life, which means to me that I am accepting and trying to give my best to what He has clearly put in my lap. I’m not looking for more, and I am not searching for my importance by finding more to invest in. Maybe you’ve always been there, but little Miss Overachiever here did not always know that peace and rest in my soul. What’s really neat, too, is that as knowing Jesus takes first place in what I really care about, a relaxation settles in about the other things I am called to do. It’s not that those things (singing, making the CD, Sister Bridge, being a mom and wife) aren’t important or that I don’t care about them, it’s just I realize they are not MINE. They really are God’s and for His sake. When we aren’t concerned about our legacy or reputation anymore, the floodgates of freedom really do open wide! Freedom to just want Him, not get “our panties in a wad” about things, even good God things, and freedom to let Him do what He wants through us as our eyes are elsewhere…
Maybe it’s kind of like baseball. I never was good at hitting the ball. When people said, “Keep your eye on the ball”, I really wanted to hit them instead of the ball. ARGH! I mean, what does that mean??? Anyway, supposedly if you had your eye only on the ball, you could trust that your arms and the bat and whatever must move to hit the ball would swing around and do its job naturally. But your attention needed to be solely on that ball. Not on your arms or the bat. Same with Jesus. When our goal is to seek His face and know Him better every day, everything else falls into place. I am learning to not keep track or look at what I’m “doing for the Lord”. I can hardly stand to even write those words because it’s just not like that anymore, thank the Lord! I get far too impressed with myself, or far too upset with myself, and God wants our attention on Him, not ourselves. I’d really like to go through life oblivious and unaware, trusting that as I continually am emptied of myself (sin, opinions, hardheaded ways) and then filled with Him in a living and genuine way, that HE will have freedom to use my life (and I don’t have to know about it.)
Well, thanks for reading…More from Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow next. It is such a good book about being the wife God is calling me to be. 🙂