I am chuckling at my own title, because I’m singing Michael W. Smith’s song to myself…”Trying to find a reason, searching through the night to find my place in this world, my place in this world…” And I’m sure I got the words wrong, because my brain is incapable (INCAPABLE I TELL YOU!) of remembering the exact words to songs! Even my own songs! Anyway…moving on.
Jack and I truly are searching through the night to find our place in this world. Good news is that we have found our place with each other and our dear little daughters. That is sure, and we find great fulfillment and comfort and thankfulness in that. Then above and beyond the family relationships, our place with Jesus–hidden in Him, alive in Him, complete in Him, tucked right in His arms bringing Him delight until the day we see His face–that’s a place out of this world, actually, and it’s all we really need.
But today through talking with some dear friends, I saw that God did make us all unique with specific gifts and talents that we need to work on and develop and feel free to spend our life doing…hopefully even doing for our career and income. Jack and I both feel like we were led astray a bit in our younger years, because we fit in the category of “called to vocational ministry” (meaning we would work for a Christian organization or church)…but I’m not sure that we fit there anymore. I’m not sure there are openings for us there, at least that would take care of our needs. We’re not looking to be rich, but we do have to have money to live, unfortunately. I am fine with the fact that more and more opportunities in the church are volunteer…I’d even go as far as to say that’s how it should be. However, that is what we went to school for and were trained to do. Now, we are left not fitting into any category.
I blogged before about what I would maybe go back to school for; it’s fun to search and dream a little. But it’s also a little stressful. Before kids, even before marriage, definitely before monthly bills, became a reality, the options did seem a little more open because the time and opportunity to work hard for those options seemed possible. Now, I just don’t know.
I’ll end my thoughts for today with this: I’d rather have a shortened life, a poor life, a difficult life even, doing what I was created to do than play it safe and just survive. So, may the Lord give us direction as we look at life in a new way.