A Journal Entry

Last night in prayer with some friends, I felt like an understanding crept into my heart…wanted to share this from my journal:

“Wherever we are in life right now, even if it feels like we’re wandering around in a wilderness far away from the point or what we thought was the point, when we humble ourselves and make walking with God our only real goal and priority, that vast wilderness becomes a path…dare I say, instantly. Out of the wilderness that held us captive and confused, arises a path to walk on. A path that will take its own time leading us here or there, up or down, wherever God is going to let you go with Him. A path that shows us that when we are looking at Him and not at ourselves, there is absolutely no chance of being lost, or regretful, regardless how much we have indeed lost.
I hate the idea of being lost, wasting time, missing the point, never grasping all God wanted me to do. All I can do is think about what I must have done wrong, what I must find a way to do better. But His promise is sure. We can word it however it feels right, but hopefully we are all saying this promise is sure: Our utter fulfillment as humans and as children of God is to spend our lives being the object of His affection, and in turn, knowing Him deeper and deeper each day. Who are we to learn to love with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength first of all firsts? Who were we created for before spouses, before sin, before schedules and jobs and everyday life? God. Until this is in first place, with what love do we love our families, neighbors, and the world? Our love is a response to His love. The human-divine intimacy will always be the source.
I feel like we do not wander in the wilderness out of stupidity or cluelessness or even false teachings, at least I can say for those who strongly desire to leave. We wander in the wilderness out of pride. We cannot believe that it could be this basic, to lay down our kingdoms and all we wanted to say we did for God on that final day, and never pick it back up again, choosing a life of surprises instead.”

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