I haven’t been feeling well. I already have a sleep disorder that has caused huge adjustments and limitations to my life. But now I’ve been sick for about 2 months on top of that, so I’m in bed and having other people take care of me and my household. It stinks and I don’t understand it. However…I want to share a few thoughts on this topic, things I have been learning and truth I have been trying to walk in. Emphasis on the word “trying”!
In all the difficulties I have had with my health since coming home from Africa in 2001, He has led me to surrender what I thought my life would be like, and be able to enjoy what life really IS like, hand in hand with Him. Over the years, I’ve been learning to trust that all of the things I would rather be doing (if circumstances were different) He obviously doesn’t want me to do. I find a lot of peace in that. I used to think that sickness or difficulty were like waves coming against me, keeping me from getting anywhere in His will for my life, and that made me so mad because I wanted to please God with all I could do for Him. I’d pray against these things over and over, do spiritual warfare, believe I was healed and start trying to live normally. (These are certainly not bad ideas!!!) But deep down, I wasn’t upset because I was sick. I was upset because I was being held back from showing God how much I loved Him. I was worthless in my own eyes because I couldn’t “do” anything, but then…
I loved it when God told me that even if I was in a coma I could still fulfill His purpose for my life. That He would not be disappointed if I didn’t lift another finger for Him. Everything I was doing on the outside, in the physical realm, was just extra…just a day job. This changed my life, the day I chose to believe this! It is such a special promise. To God, knowing Him and dwelling with Him, praising Him and trusting Him, this is the essence of Life. We expect so much out of ourselves, perhaps because we think that is what God is after. But He’s not. He’s after our hearts. He wants us to know Him deeply and not care about knowing or having or accomplishing anything else. As this happens, He clarifies and simplifies our lives down to the few things He wants us to be doing in the physical realm. Then as we obey, we are full of joy and fruit in our work, but we don’t feel pressure to achieve anything. We don’t weigh our worth based on our fruit; we are already complete in Him. He shows us how to love our neighbor after we learn to love Him with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength. These commands may be equals, but there is a first among equals here.
Whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, we can have joy and encouragement in the midst of it if we stop and sit at the Lord’s feet for a while. If we can acknowledge that He is doing something in this mess, and if we decide to trust Him, then we shake hands with God and tell Him we are ready to go through whatever He wants us to go through. Ultimately, never failing, He is working on bringing us deeper with Him than anyone has ever dared to go! Until we believe that this intention of His is the sweetest blessing ever, we will be angry about what He has allowed into our lives. He is good. He gives good gifts. He gave Himself once and for all, and He keeps giving more to anyone who will turn their eyes and be satisfied with Him alone.
Isaiah 40:31/Matt. 6:33/Matt 22:37